Waiting For God

Sometimes I sit around just waiting for the world to end, or at least to die. I feel so worn out by life, I just think "the only break I'm ever going to get is when I die." But at the same time I've done some research into the 'end' [based on the fact that I believe in the Bible, and Revelation] and I know that I've got at least another 1000 years ahead of me before making it to the New Jerusalem, and that's not going to be what the average Christian / person thinks or hopes it's going to be.

The truth is that hanging onto some sort of hope of abysmal relief isn't the answer to my problem, but finding the answer is proving to be rather difficult.

Initially I thought that if we are all eternal beings then every moment is infinitely meaningless, unless an entirely engulfing emotion is being experienced in as many moments as possible. This however brings about a mentality which causes one to chase high after high, simply because it is impossible to experience strong emotions all the time. And who wants to experience anguish? Or despair? Or hatred? So you spend your time chasing after pleasant emotions, which is a never ending battle and entirely meaningless and inconsequential.

I happen to know that the requirement for wealth is equally meaningless, if only because most of the world will be destroyed before we make it to the New Jerusalem [often referred to as 'heaven'].

So that brings me to the conclusion that the only things worth chasing after are things that I can take with me after I've died and things that last longer than 75 years [average lifespan of a human].

This brought me to the conclusion that the only thing worth running after is wisdom, and as a result thereof, knowledge. These things are however just as much a let down as the others, because the more wisdom I find, the more sorrow I find; and the more knowledge I find the bigger my burden becomes. Apparently I'm not the first person to feel this way either, "For with much wisdom comes much sorrow; the more knowledge, the more grief." [Ecc 1:18]

It is at this stage that many people would jump up and say "well it is because life isn't about you it's about God" or something equally unfounded. As far as I'm aware the Bible never tells us that our lives are intended for worshipping any god, but rather that the Father is worth of our praise and all glory.

I'm a big fan of looking at initial intentions, and in the beginning the Father told man, "Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground." [Gen 1:28]

Now there's nothing here about glorifying the Father, but is this perhaps the answer I was looking for all along? Is it this simple? If I'm honest I don't think it is, simply because a lot has changed since then.

In the end I think it comes down to a healthy mixture of everything. Very seldom is it wise to be extreme about anything, and finding a happy medium is not so much compromise as it is a good balance irrespective of the situation or consequence thereof.

I don't know a lot for sure, but I do know that at the moment I'm feeling like most of life is meaningless and that the only things that are worth investing in are people, wisdom and the Father. It may be somewhat of a bleak outlook, but that's where I stand at the moment and it only gets more complicated the further in you go. At the same time I'm already in this rabbit hole, and I'm not planning on coming out alive...

I'd like to stress at this point that I may be wrong about anything and am happy to discuss any of my philosophical or theological believes or views with anyone who is willing to share theirs and hear me out. I don't claim to know everything, or even be close to being right all the time, but I believe that life is about living and learning, so that's what I'm here to do.