The Cosmopolitan Lifestyle

Today I watched one of my favorite films ever, The Bourne Ultimatum. While watching it, I really enjoyed the scenery from the various shots in Northern Africa and Western Europe. While I have never been outside of the country I would love to visit many of these places, and possibly live in some of these places.

I don't know what it is about travel, but it really excites me. I really want to live a lifestyle where I can go overseas for work as well as play and spend time in different cultures and see how people live their lives.

There's something specific about Europe that excites me. They have such a wonderful way of life in places like Italy and Spain where they are totally modern in many ways but at the same time really relish in their own history and just enjoy their lives. That is something that I am always trying to do.

I guess that I have seen a lot of shit in my life but I actually don't want to experience it, I want to live a life where I can have fun with my friends and just enjoy things. Sure there is a lot to do and talking about world peace isn't going to make it happen, but if you don't spend time just doing something you love you'll probably end up living in a different type of turmoil.

So what are the things that I love in life? Well here they are:

Spending time with my friends
Studying YHVH's Word
Smoking hub, drinking burban and having great food
Football
Music
Philosophy, psychology and science
Clothes
Writing
Listening to more music

I guess that if you want to love your life it's your own responsibility to make it happen, which is why I am always striving to put more of these things in my life. It isn't easy all the time but I love it and always do my best.

So what do you love in life? Are you actively trying to enrich your life with them or are you just hoping you'll stumble upon them and it'll be great?

Ok, now for something a little less meaningful. If you haven't seen the following films I suggest you do:

> Ocean's Eleven, Twelve and Thirteen
> Wall.E
> The Bourne Identity, Supremacey and Ultimatum
> Cloverfield

Also I am still trying to find a job in sound, and I am seriously considering volunteering in a studio and working for free in order to gain some exposure, but that is just by the way... I'll be posting tomorrow as usual so read again soon.

Weighing In...

Most of you may have picked this up by now but I have suffered from a fair amount of depression in my life, and as a result have been on many different types of medication. I don't mind the medication, even though it almost always has side effects, for example the medication I am on now causes me to be extremely numb and tired at times, while the previous one made me sleep almost not at all [like 4 hours a night] and my appetite was non existent.

These things don't really bother me because they come with the territory, but the thing that does bother me is my weight fluctuation. My mom has been overweight for most of her life and as a result she is super paranoid about my weight. Every time I change meds, my weight condition flies in the opposite direction. Before I was on the Cipralex I was thinner than a reed. My bones could be seen through my skin, and no matter what I ate I couldn't pick up weight.

Now with the more recent batch I have been picking up weight like it's going out of fashion. I have gone from weighing 60 kgs to 80 or so, probably more. Never fun.

So this blog is totally pointless, but I just wanted to express my distaste for weight changing. It sucks, and I wish I could just go back to normal. I guess like all the other side effects, it is part of the deal...

Predictions

I was chatting to some friends and I made some predictions, and thought I'd put them up here for all to see. If I get any of these right, you have to give me a high five.

Winners for the various leagues in the 08 / 09 season:

UEFA Champions League: Barcelona
UEFA Cup: AC Milan
English Premier League: Chelsea FC
Carling Cup: Manchester United
FA Cup: Liverpool


Being a Chelsea fan I would love it if they were to win Champions League, because it is the league I value the most, but I don't think they will. Barcelona are really on top form at the moment so that's why I am going with them, but I woudn't be suprised if Chelsea end up in the semi's or something like that...

Heroes

Last night I was chatting to a friend of mine [hey Lisa] and I asked her who her heroes were. This got me thinking "Who are my heroes?" So I decided to post a blog on who my heroes in life are.

> Batman / Bruce Wayne

There's a darkness inside Bruce Wayne that causes him to be Batman, but he doesn't just go crazy. He is still reserved as well as calculating. I like that about him. He is also not a fool, and thinks things through, while at the same time standing up for what he believes in. Even though everyone is against him at times he relies on his inner resolve to do what he believes is right.

While his night activities keep him fairly busy, he still manages to run a large company, but this causes him some trouble. I think that Batman no longer enjoys anthing but crime fighting, which is a good example as to how your passion can engulf your life, and cause you to lose perspective.

> Lionel Luthor

Lionel Luthor is the most underrated and misunderstood character in any comic. He really is a genius, who has made some big mistakes in his life but is doing his best to make sure that they are never made again. He is teaching his son and others the only way he knows how, which isn't always the best way but is at the same often the only way.

He is also a brilliant businessman who has many other passions that he pursues with everything inside of him [such as music and philosophy]. The other things that I love about Lionel is that there are two extremely different sides to him, with his high profile and extreme wealth on on hand, and on the other his underworld activities which he carries out himself. It is like there is a pristine, clean side and a gritty, dirty side.

> Raymond Simmons

He is a real person who took a risk and started a record company named Deff Jam. He was the first person to take a serious look at Run DMC, and to give them a record deal. As a result he is seen as the father of modern Hip Hop. Another thing that I like about him is that he is not only involved in music. He has his own line of jewelry and clothing, as well as being heavily involved in design for companies. He is also a writer and an all round good person, giving lost of money away all the time.

> Adam D

He is the lead guitarist for Killswitch Engage but he is also rated as one of the best producers, engineers and mixers in metal at the moment. The thing about Adam is that he is totally himself in the studio, and a brilliant actor who will stop at nothing on stage. Like as a person he does some silly things but he wears his square glasses and a shirt. But when he gets on stage he's a different person wearing a cape and no pants, or just going insane.

I like the fact that he is able to switch between the two and at the same time follow his passion of music and sound engineering. It's inspiring to me...

So who are your heroes? Who are people or ideals that inspire you to be a better you? I find that the things I look for in myself I find in my heroes, so look above and not some similarities...

New Adventures 20th - 27th

Friday

This Friday was the best night of my life. It was awesome.

The evening started off at about 5 pm with me picking Gareth up and heading out to sort out things for the gig. Take The State was playing a gig at a youth group's formal dinner, and it was the first time the band was playing with Richard in front of an audience. The gig was horribly under-catered for [in terms of sound] but fun was had by all so no worries.

After the gig Gareth and I headed over to Pierre's parents' house for his 24th party. We arrived at about 22h30, and things were going really well. Everyone was wearing some sort of silly piece of clothing and just dancing and going a little mental. Justin was wearing a dress, Mike was wearing some sort of biker top, but it wasn't made of leather so it didn't really make any sense to me, Matt and Tessa were equally well attired with Tessa sporting some sort of horrid tie and Matt enjoying a pair of shorts and a tucked in collared shirt. Gareth was wearing braces and a cap, and Pierre was dressed like Freddy Mercury. His parents must have been big Queen fans...

I on the other hand decided to keep things simple, donning a cape and a backwards cap. We had all just decided it was time to have a great time, and pretty much everyone was slightly tipsy, or in Donovan's case horribly drunk. For Gareth and I the party started with a round of Sothern Comfort, which Gareth didn't enjoy, and then Donovan had everyones because he could. I let Mike have a taste and he enjoyed it. he poured himself one, but got a bit carried away with the glass and ended up pouring the equivalent of 4 SoCos and lime, and then didn't like it. I swapped my drink with his and went outside to escape the dancing and enjoy the view.

At this stage everyone was a bit tipsy except Donovan who was already drunk. A few minutes later I saw Donovan and a British girl who he fancies named Megan wrestling and finally falling into the pool. This was the beginning of lots of fun.

At some stage we all got tired of listening to Queen and Donovan fetched his power metal CD, which we all enjoyed immensly. It was at this stage that I had a glass of wine which set Donovan off on a 'lets pour wine for everyone' trip, and he poured at least 4 glasses for people, which no one wanted to drink. Donovan being rather animated started dancing to this super loud power metal, and downing glasses of red wine. Then things just got a little weird, with Pierre starting to get a little upset with Donovan, who had at this stage taken a towel and started rolling on the floor to wipe up all the spilled drink.

At around 1am the cops came past to ask us to keep the volume down, and most of the people had left because things were getting a little mental for them, leaving me, Pierre, Kelly, Donovan, Gareth, Justin, Stacey, Megan [the Brit who both Gareth and Donovan now had a crush on] and Pierre's sister named Nicky. I don't actually know what happend after that because I went outside and had a few glasses of wine on the patio outside with Megan. What I do know is that when I came back inside Donovan had no shirt on, and his wet pants were so low we could all see his pubes and butt. Everyone was shouting at him to pull his pants up but he saw me and procceded to drop his pants showing me his cock for the first time that night. This would happen a few more times as the evening progressed.

It was around this time that we all decided to just cool it a little. We went inside and had some coffee, and sat on the kitchen floor just having a little chat. Unfortunately for us both Gareth and Donovan were still a little drunk, and Donovan was getting more and more out of hand. We decided that it was time that Donovan get some of the alchohol out of his system and so we sent him to go and throw up. We sat inside having a lovely chat about my blog entitled "Parental Advisory" while Gareth and Donovan sat in the bathroom sobering up.

It was probably around 2:30 that I took Donovan out to his car so he could take his contact lenses out. When we came back Donovan tried to jump Megan, but I managed to pry him off and Pierre and I put him to bed. He was lying on a leather couch but his pants were still wet, so he decided it was time to take his pants off. Unfortunately for Pierre and I he had no underpants on, and for the second time in one evening I saw his cock. I covered him up so as not to scar anyone else, and he promptly fell asleep.

We all sat in the kitchen drinking coffee and chatting until around 3h30 or so before deciding to turn in for the night. Because all the beds were taken, Pierre and I slept on the floor, with Mike and Gareth taking the inflatable matress and Justin sleeping on the couch. Donovan was passed out with no pants on, on the other couch in the room.

A little after that Donovan suddenly woke up, and he looked like he was about to vomit on the floor. Wearing no pants, we guided him through to the bathroom where he sat on the edge of the bath and peered into the toilet before deciding he actually wanted to piss. Then he stood up and just started letting go, before running through the passage and into the now well lit room, urine still dripping off his cock, and everyone seeing his 'flower' for the first time, Pierre for the second time, and me for the third.

After some more comical incidents, including Mike face planting on Pierre, we went to sleep. In the morning we all helped to clean up a little.

On the way home, Donovan was driving through a green robot, but someone jumped the red robot and so he had to slow down. The guy behind Donovan got angry and hooted at him, as he drove passed Donovan, Donovan shouted at the top of his voice "Fuck off you cunt!" and then proceeded to drive next to the hooter and give him the finger while hooting at him. I was like ROFL.

Saturday

Saturday was comparatively tame as all we did was head over to Justin's mom's house for some comedy. We watched some Ricky Gervais and then hung out drinking coffee, and smoking a bit of hub. All the main stuff, but fun nonetheless.

Sunday

Sunday morning I went through to Edge church to see / hear my brother mix for the first time. He has mixed quite a few times at Fusion but never at church. He did a wonderful job and my mom and I thought it was great. The service was not anywhere near as good as his mix though. One good thing which happened was that I got to chat to Sean, a gentleman who is in a similar position to the one that I am in, and it was great.

In the evening we went to Mike's church, Common Ground, and it was great. The atmosphere was really vibrant, and the worship was simple. The best part of the service was the sermon. For the first time in many a week I heard a sermon in church which was almost entirely Biblically based, rather than a nice idea which is by no means Biblical, and then gets spoken about and around for 25 minutes.

After the service we went through to Canal Walk to pick Kelly up from work and thereafter we went through to Mugg and Bean for some nachos and coffee. After the meal we went back to Edgemead and did some rounds. Gareth left us in a rather bad mood and then we went to Pierre's house. I didn't feel so great after the nachos, but figured it'd go away. I started up the hub with a new flavour called 'Double Apple' and it was great.

I'm not sure if it is because the hub was a little stronger than normal or if it was because my body just didn't like the Mugg and Bean but I didn't feel good at all and then proceded to throw up in Pierre's bathroom. After I threw up I felt like a million dollars. Weird how the body works hey? After the expultion incident we all had a wonderful chat while Stacey and Kelly slept, and then went on home at about 2am.

Tuesday

Tuesday was a normal day. I woke up a little late, and then did a little bit of research before going with Donovan to a lan. We played a little COD 4 before I came home and got ready to go to the gig that evening. I had a bit of a rough chat with my parents about what I am going to be doing next year and so I was feeling a little down. We went through to the gig, getting there at a little after 20h00. Zula Bar have a decent setup so we sorted everything out and then we just hung out for a while. The gig went well but I felt that my performance was a little mediocre. I wasn't happy with it.

Tuesday was also Stacey's birthday party so we had a bit of a mental time at Zula too because so many people were there. I got to hang out with a good friend of mine, Val, and fun was had by all. Pierre and I had a bit of a joke going the whole night which made things quite fun.

When we left the bar at around 1am we walked out to Pierre's car only to find that it was missing. Eventually we found that we had walked in the wrong direction and the car was there all along, so no worries. Once we'd found the missing car we were on a mission to Val's house for some coffee.

After establishing that Donovan has bad manners and that calling someone with down syndrome a 'Downie' isn't politically correct we headed home. I only got home at around 3, but it was a great night.

Wednesday
I don't know who wanted to do this, but we ended up going to the beach for a little hang out session to see the sun go down. Problem was that we were about an hour early, and the wind was pretty chilly. After about 15 minutes in the wind we decided to go get some KFC for dinner and then we were on our way. After some shocking behaviour on one of the other friend's part Donovan, Mike and I headed home and Donovan and I ended up at Matt's house playing DOTA. It was ok but not great. We didn't play well. Actually I didn't play badly, but I did make a few mistakes. We just ended up with a crap team. Guess thats how it goes sometimes.

7 Kreuger Street

Had a bit of a rough day today. This afternoon I headed out to my psychologist's rooms in Belville. Andre and I had a good chat, and he suggested that I get my medication looked at again, because I may need a slightly heavier dose on account of the fact that a lot of the time I am really tired these days...

While we were there I started thinking about the depression that I have suffered from over the years. It has ranged from not feeling great, to not having enough energy to get out of bed, and even to a point where on a few occasions I have almost committed suicide.

If you've never been depressed you won't understand it, but it is rather a strange feeling. While nothing is actually wrong, nothing is right either. It doesn't matter how good things are going, it doesn't feel good. It always feels slightly numb, slightly damp. Strange.

I think the worst my depression has ever been was when I had an internal dialog with myself as to how I should kill myself. I was in my room, and then I went to the kitchen and picked up a large knife. Then I started thinking about how I should do it: throat or wrists? But while I was thinking about it, there was another 'person' in my mind saying "Why are you doing this?"

I can't explain it but if you have a thought, that is it. But with this heavy depression it's like there are two independent people both thinking and both arguing about what to do.

For me, everyone has hurdles in their life. Mine is depression. Yours may be migraines, or bad health in general, or a bad habit, but that doesn't mean you can't be successful.

The successful people in life weren't in a position where they didn't have a hurdle, and they weren't just lucky, they were determined. And I think that is the key.

So all I can say is that while I feel like shit now, I am determined. Determined to fulfill my dreams, determined to enjoy my life and determined to give back to my friends, family and the community.

Bear Necessities

Do you ever feel like you need to live? Like if you were to be living on the street would you want to survive? I don't know if there is something wrong with me, but I have never felt the need to live. I have never felt the need to take the next breath of air, or eat ANYTHING or even just fight to survive.

Lately I have been talking to my parents about what I am going to do next year, and they say that I need to work because I need to start moving on with my life. At the moment I am trying to get a steady job working in sound engineering which will pay, but it is pretty difficult. They need me to start earning money, but I actually don't care either way.

If my parents were to kick me out of my house, I wouldn't beg, or try to get a job, I would walk to Monte Vista and jump off the bridge onto the N1, simply because the requirement to live just isn't in my body. I don't experience it now, and I don't ever remember feeling it.

Is there something wrong with me? I don't want to die, I am just not willing to fight for my life.

For me, if we are eternal beings then no moment is more or less meaningful than the previous or the following moment. So if no moment is meaningful in a special way, then every moment is only worthwhile if you are experiencing it.

But who wants to experience pain? Or disappointment? Or anger? The only emotion pleasing to me is the one of revalation, and happiness. If I am not experiencing those why bother? For that reason fighting for something you don't want is not worth the energy...

I don't know if this is right or wrong, but I'd like to hear your opinion. Post away...

Friends

I have the best friends in the world. For me everyone is looking for something different in friends, and the things I look for are people who I can have fun with, but also have some serious conversations with. I want friends who don't always agree with me, and aren't afraid to tell me that I'm being stubborn, but at the same time they will love me and understand that I am having a crap day, and be supportive.

These are the kinds of people I hang out with and love. It's just so encouraging to hang out with my friends and someone says "How are things with your dad?" and they actually listen when I talk. Or just to be able to have a drink and a hub and talk a load of crap.

So all I want to say is thank you to all my friends. You guys are the best in the world, and I love you all.

Soapies

Last night was a great friend of mine, Pierre's birthday party and it was truly wonderful. Before that Take The State had a gig, which went well so it was a great evening. For those of you who are regular readers, hang in there until Thursday, and you can read all about it in "New Adventures", for now I will be talking about something that really gets some people talking: Soapies.

I love soapies, but I actually don't know why. I started watching an Afrikaans soap named '7de Laan' when I was in grade 9 because I was doing pretty badly in Afrikaans, and it sort of just carried on from there.

These days I watch '7de Laan' every day [even though I've been out of school for 3 years] as well as Generations when I get a chance. I also occasionally watch 'The Bold and the Beautiful', but I don't really enjoy it much. I also watch 'Isidingo' when I have nothing else to do.

I suppose I find them entertaining, although most of the time the acting is appauling and the script is usually extremely stiff, and almost never funny. But I still watch. Every now and then I get tired of a specific storyline, and I stop watching for a few weeks.

For example, I've noticed in 7de Laan there are usually between 4 and 7 different stories being told at a time. There is usuallu 1 long term story, which will be refered to in every episode and usually lasts at least 2 months, sometimes more.

Then there are usually 2 mid term storylines which are in most cases less serious than the long term story, and they last between 1 and 2 months. Finally there are always at least 2 weekly storylines which as the name suggests, last about a week. Sometimes they are only 3 days long or so but they will always be resolved before Friday.

So if we take '7de Laan' as an example here are the current stories:

Long Term: Errol, a street child who was adopted by Charmaine, has moved in with his biological mother. Unfortunately his biological mother has an abusive boyfriend who reguarly hits her and is verbally abusive. What will happen to Errol? Will he survive? Will he tell Charmaine about what's going on? And if so when?

Mid Term: Terry, a troubled teenager, who is the niece of Ryno has moved in to the lane and is sneaking out of the house because she wants to party and drink. Her parents don't care for her and as a result she is failing at school. Will Terry pass her exams? When will Ryno find out she is drinking and flirting with older guys? What will happen then?

Mid Term: Paula is writing a calendar of Golden Thoughts and she and Altus are slowly growing closer and closer. When will the eventually get together? Will the find each other? Will Paula publish her calendar?

Mid Term: Hilda is faking being sick to force Jan Hendrik to stop the development in Hillside, and she is loving being waited on by Oubass. When will Oubass find out the wool has been pulled over his eyes? And what will he do then? What will happen to the development in Hillside?

Short Term: Alice and Mandla have broken up and Alice is angry with Mandla. Mandla did however do the right thing but Alice won't see reason. What will happen next. Will Mandla swallow his pride and apologise? Or will Alice make him so angry he never comes back?

Anyway, all of these stories are happening in all of the soapies I love to watch, but I don't know why I carry on watching them. Do you have the answer? Is there something that you love and have no clue why? Comment away!

My Favorite Lyrics Part 1

So I listen to a lot of music, and a great friend of mine, Matt, and I play a game where we quote a lyric from a song, and the other person has to guess the artist and the song. I am not going to play the game here, but I thought I would post some of my favorite lyrics. Each of these songs tells a story, and many of them are open to interpretation, so feel free to read through and post what you think each one means.

Killswitch Engage - Reject Yourself

Their cries are blown away with the wind.
How passive can we be before humanity is lost?
Turning our backs on those who need love.
We must not rest while healing is needed.

Tear down the veil.
That bars your heart from feeling this.
Dedicate yourself.
Give your soul to compassion.
With open arms, embrace this heart.
With open eyes, behold the truth.
Embrace this life.

So little time is left.
We must be relentless in our pursuit of those in torment.
Tear down the veil
That bars your heart from feeling this.
Dedicate yourself.
Become the voice of compassion.
With open arms, embrace this heart.
With open eyes, behold the truth.
Embrace this life.

Can you reject yourself?
Can you feel their agony?
In a world that feeds on disregard.
Heal the broken hearted.



In Flames - My Sweet Shadow

I'm selling heavenly sketches
A world out of my mind
Ready to explode in purity
To fill the holes inside

An ever moving stream
With glowing rays of light
Emotions tied to past lies
And I know I should let go

Tame with confidence of a brighter future
I found a flame in the burnt out ashes... burn out, burn out

Fueled these new shores burn
Dark past lies cold
Shadow, my sweet shadow
To you I look no more

Another dawn collapses
Do I need to be reminded?
A glimpse of my safe home
A path to hide all anger

In circles I catch
A torch carried by the immortal
From depths that I created
In vain echoes fade

Burn out!



As I Lay Dying - Meaning In Tragedy

I have traveled so far to find so little
Meaning in tragedy or tragedy
In the search for the meaning
Dark clouds have lead me here
Confined freedom
Guides us to security
What if everything
I have been taught is a lie and all of my teachers
Have been wrong this whole time
Compelling us to fight
The battles they would not
They have already won
And we have already lost
If we do not learn from their mistakes
We have already lost
If we don't learn to change


Lamb Of God - Laid To Rest

If there was a single day I could live,
A single breath I could take,
I'd trade all the others away.

The blood's on the wall,
So you might as well just admit it.
And bleach out the stains,
Commit to forgetting it.
You're better off empty and blank,
Then left with a single pathetic trace of this.

Smother another failure
Lay this to rest

Console yourself,
You're better alone,
Destroy yourself,
See who gives a fuck.

Absorb yourself,
You're better alone,
Destroy yourself.

I'll chain you to the truth,
For the truth shall set you free.
I'll turn the screws of vengeance,
And bury you with honesty.

I'll make all your dreams come to life,
And slay them as quickly as they came,

Smother another failure
Lay this to rest

Console yourself,
You're better alone,
Destroy yourself,
See who gives a fuck.

Absorb yourself,
You're better alone,
Destroy yourself.

See who gives a fuck

FAILURE
If there was a day I could live,
If there was a single breath I could take,
I'd trade all the others away,
I'd trade all the others away.

Parental Advisory

So I've rather aptly named this Parental Advisory because today's blog may offend a few people and if you choose not to read it I won't be unhappy. I decided to put this on my blog thought because it is something I don't understand, and to some extent fear. It is sexual in nature. So if you decide to stop now that is fine, but if you do read this please feed back with your opinion.


Ok so I have a problem. I get freaked out by human biology, especially biology related to sex, women's vaginas and men's penises. Now this isn't really a problem for me today, because I am not having sex, and don't intend to until I get married, but it may turn into a problem if I don't deal with it now. Here's how I found out that I have this problem.

A few years ago I was working in a bookshop named 'Gospel Direct', and on the day in question nothing was happening. It was a Wednesday evening, and the entire shopping center was empty. I decided it would be a waste of time to do nothing, so I read instead. I picked up a book called 'Sex 101' and thinking that this is a Christain book shop I said to myself "How bad can it be?"

The answer is simple. It wasn't graphic, or anything like that but it was very detailed. The book described sex from a spiritual perspective [very interesting] and later from a biological perspective. I started reading the biology and started feeling a little light headed. As I read about the reaction in the women's body during the climax phase, and the plateau phase, I started to feel as if I may faint.

The guy working with me asked me if I wanted to go home because I looked sick. I said no but decided that I needed to overcome this fear, and continued reading. I read about how the women's muscles tense up in her foot, and how her vagina reacts to stimulation and eventually I needed to sit down for a while. Things were not looking good.

Then I started reading about the man's penis, and nerve endings, and stimulation thereof. I read about chemicals being released into the blood stream and how blood flow is redirected to increase nerve ending sensitivity, and how the man's sense of smell is heightened, and I almost threw up. That was when I knew I had a problem.

Now in case you don't know this, I am a researcher. I love to find out lots of information about things and to then think about it and to come to conclusions about it. This was however becoming more and more of a problem for me with the topic of sex.

A while later I asked my mom [yes my mom, we have a great relationship] to tell me about women's periods, and half way through she asked me if I needed to go to the doctor, because my face had almost no blood in it. I had to lie down for about 20 minutes and I really felt like I was going to faint at any moment.

Ever since then I've been really scared of sex, and all that jazz until a while ago when I decided it was time to get over this silly fear, and the best way to do it was to face it head on.

I hit Wikipedia, and read about the penis, the vagina and sex. I almost threw up when I went onto the vagina page [and the penis page now that I think about it] because there are pictures of the bodily part in question. Not fun.

I spoke to a friend, we'll call him Juan, about this fear and his advice was not very helpful I'm sorry to say. He told me a lot of things I already knew, including the fact that women seldom climax from penetration, and as a result I'm going to have to look at 'it' in the future, and I need to get over this fear.

Juan told me the only way to get over it was to desensitise myself to it by looking at the various parts and eventually I'd get used to it. I don't think it would work, and so I haven't done it.

Here's my question: Do you think that this fear is normal? Do you suffer from it yourself? And if not, do you think there is a way to get over this? And how should I do it?

I said it would be a little sexual in nature, so sorry if after you read this you regret it. I did warn you...

New Adventures 13th - 19th

Thursday is new adventures day, so here we go.

Thursday

Thursday was a good day. Justin was going away for a few weeks to visit his lady friend [Hello Melissa] so we decided to go out for the evening and just hang out. Take The State have played at a little restaurant called 'Cafe Sophia' a few times, and on Thursdays they used to have rock night where a rock band plays so we decided to head out there. When we got there we found that management had changed and as a result rock night had turned into free jazz night. It was cool though, listening to guys jam some jazz, and some of the tunes they played were awesome, others less great.

Thereafter we headed over to Pierre's house for a hub and some Guitar Hero. I didn't play because I'm super bad, but everyone had a good time.


Friday

Friday was a great day, I went through to get my car fixed and thereafter my mom and I went shopping. I've been challenged of late to improve my eating habits and actually not try to kill myself with the amount of junk food I consume. I got a ton of salad stuff, veggies and a whole pile of tuna and sardines for salad variations. I'm looking forward to doing some cooking and all that jazz.

In the evening we were going to go to Eye of Horus but ended up going through to Pierre's flat again. Gareth rented a movie but we didn't actually watch it because we were watching a BRILLIANT show entitled 'Flight of the Conchordes'. If you haven't seen I seriously urge you to do your best to get hold of it. It's awesome.

I also lit up my first hub, which was quite an experience and lots of fun. I had watermelon flavour, which was fun, and later we had a flavour called 'Silver Fox'. It's got a really clean, minty type flavour with a touch of liquoric and it's great.


Saturday

Saturday was a pretty 'boring' day. I went over to Gareth's house in the afternoon and we watched some football, Manchester United took Stoke out 5 - 0, and Liverpool beat Bolton 2 - 0. Later in the evening Chelsea beat West Brom 3 - 0, which was actually a bit of a disappointing performance, because they should have won closer to 5 - 0. That evening we started a fire and just hung out.


Sunday

Sunday was a bit of a rough day. I had some bad news in the evening from a friend, he's having a rough time and things aren't going to get better any time soon. Not great...


Monday

Monday was a bit hectic too, I had to have a chat with my parents about the family and all that, and it went ok but it was draining. I guess it went ok but never fun having to take people on.


Tuesday

Tuesday evening was pretty mellow. We we going to DOTA at Matt's house but he got caught up at Women's ministry, so Gareth and I ended up drinking coffee at my place.


Wednesday

I went over to Matt's house at 2, and Donovan, Gareth, Matt and I played DOTA for about 6 hours. It was quite an experience. It's quite an interesting game, which is a cross between an RPG and a strategy, and it has quite a few different items and combinations which make it very interesting.

It was only my first game but it was fun nevertheless.

After that Gareth and I went over to Pierre's flat to hang out. Today is his birthday, so we stayed until midnight and wished him happy birthday. It was really great. We didn't do anything special, but rather just hung out and had a great chat. It is really awesome to know you have a good friend who actually cares about what is going on about you and your life. Anyway, Friday is his party, so it's going to be awesome.

A Quickie

I promised I'd blog today about DOTA, but I've been fairly busy, mostly playing DOTA. Anyway, it was a great game, even though I wasn't very good on account of the fact that I've only ever once, but after today it is up to 5 games.

After hanging at Matt's place Gareth and I went through to Pierre's flat to hang out and it was great. We just chilled and drank coffee, and at midnight we all wished him happy birthday. Fun was had by all.

Tomorrow's post will be more meaningful I promise.

Escape From Reality Part 2

So as I said yesterday, I've had quite a hectic few days, and so today I'm going to chat a little about Chelsea.

Chelsea really are a great team with a very 'European' style of playing. When I say 'European' what I mean is that it is very similar to that of the other Champions League teams, namely they rely on a very direct style of play where there are a lot more runs from individual players rather than a more physical style which is associated with the English premier league.

They are a great team who are very consistent, and have some amazing players who manage to shine as individuals as well as work within a team context. Because they are all great players and they have a very direct style, they have a different formation to that of the other English teams.

Usually the English teams play a standard 4-4-2 formation, where they have 4 defenders, 4 midfielders and 2 strikers. This works well because you have a strong defence with a wide midfield who can the bring the ball in to the center to one of the two strikers.

But because of Chelsea's style of play, they choose to have a much stronger midfield with fewer strikers, resulting in a 4-1-4-1 formation. In this formation the team have 4 defenders, 1 defensive midfielder, 4 attacking midfielders and 1 striker. This formation works very well because the 1 defensive midfielder can easily move backward to strengthen the defence as well as play a strong linking position and as a result push the midfield forward.

As a result they have a strong forward midfield and therefore can also create lots of chances for the striker, when not taking the chances themselves.

Another great thing about Chelsea is that they have an awesome owner, which is actually how I found out about them and a strong reason why I support them. Roman Abremovich is a brilliant Russian businessman who is passionate about football and as a result isn't worried about putting lots of money into the team. Because he is extremely successful within the business realm, I am certain his side will become successful in the same way.

Roman has pushed a huge amount of money into Chelsea in many different ways such as buying players, buying coaches and training staff, upgrading Stamford Bridge's facilities for training as well as for the stadium and establishing an academy for training younger footballers.

Here are the positions which the team plays, and who plays in those positions [in case you didn't know, Chelsea have two players in each position so that they can have consistency]:

GOALKEEPERS

> Cech
> Cudicinni

DEFENDERS

Left Back
> Bridge
> A Cole

Central
> Terry
> Alex
> Calvallio
> Ivanovic

Right Back
> Bosingwa
> Fererria

MIDFIELDERS

Defensive Midfield
> Essien
> Mikel
> Minero

Left Wing
> Malouda
> Sinclair
> Stoch

Left Mid
> Lampard
> Beletti
> Woods

Right Mid
> Deco
> J Cole

Right Wing
> Ballack
> Kalou

STRIKERS

> Anelka
> Drogba
> Di Santo


Anyway, enough about Chelsea, tomorrow I'll chat about DOTA.

Escape From Reality Part 1

So the last two days have been really hectic, and I've got a lot on my mind. As a result I'm not going to blog on anything worthwhile, but rather going to use this opportunity as an escape from reality. So what shall I ramble about? I'll start off with Take The State...

Take The State are a great rock alternative band that a few friends of mine started a while ago. They're all very influenced by bands like Coldplay, Bush and the Smashing Pumpkins. The band was originally started by Danny [vocals and acoustic guitar], and Dylan [drums]. A while later Gareth [Electric guitar] joined the band and the trio played and wrote songs together for quite a while before Leigh Andre [Bass] joined in. About 2 months ago Richard [electric guitar] joined the band to add a slightly heavier, more driving dynamic to the heavily acoustic band.

Being very close friends with Danny for a long time, I was always listening to new stuff he and the band wrote and recorded, but only got involved more just before Leigh Andre joined Take The State. Now I am sort of the band's production person, helping with songs and structure as well as doing sound for them at gigs and the like.

I'd really love to record Take The State in a top of the range studio, and here's how I'd do it:

I'd like to track everything on a Neve 88RS.

Drums

Kick: Crowley and Tripp El Diablo [Inside], Yamaha Subkick [outside]
Snare: Shure SM 57 [Top and bottom], AKG C51B [Top]
Toms: Sennheiser MD 421 [Top], Neumann U87 [Bottom]
Hats and Ride: Neumann KM 184
Overheads: Royer SF24
Spot mics: Rode NT55
Close Room mics: Neumann U87
Far Room Mics: Neumann M150, Neumann M149


Electric Guitars

Gareth Lead: Sennheiser MD421, Shure SM57, Royer R122, Neumann M150
Richard Lead: Sennheiser MD421, Shure SM57, Coles 4038, Neumann M150
Richard Rhythm: Sennheiser MD421, Shure SM57, Neumann U87, Neumann M150


Bass Guitar

Line output
Cab: Neumann U47 FET, Sennheiser MD421


Acoustic Guitar

Focused: Neumann KM184
Wide: Royer R122, AKG C451B


Vocals

Danny: Shure SM7B, Neumann M149
Backing: Neumann U87, Neumann M149


I would want to mix on my SSL Duality [I'm going to own one, and it's going to be awesome] and I'd compress the following groups as follows:

Drums: Variable Mu
Bass: CL2A
Keyboards: EL Distressor / 1176
Rhythm Guitar: LA2A
Lead Guitar: 1176
Acoustic Guitar: LA2A
Vocals: EL Distressor

I'd like to run the mix buss through an SSL G Series Compressor.

Of course each channel would get board eq and compression with the groups getting external / additional compression, and there would be LOTS of automation [it's how I tend to mix].

Ok enough about Take The State. I'll chat about Chelsea and football next...

Successful Relationships Prelude

Recently I was chatting to a good friend of mine, I'll call him Lars because I'm not sure if he's ok with his name being all over the internet, about relationships. Lars said that he had recently been bombarded with people talking about romantic relationships, and had as a result being praying and thinking about it quite a lot.

After much thought Lars came to the conclusion that he was not ready for a relationship for a few reasons, including the fact that he didn't want to enter into a relationship for selfish reasons, he didn't want to change friendship dynamics within a group of friends and finally because he wanted to respect the other party in terms of entering the relationship in the right way.

These are all valid points, and as a result of our conversation I have been thinking about what it takes to enter into a relationship. I believe that everything which happens in life is an opportunity rather than something that is planned or set out, and depending on how you use that opportunity you will either learn or be hurt [that's not to say that learning doesn't mean being hurt at times, it's just that you can make it count in your favor].

Now a lot of single people spend their time complaining about the fact that they're single, but that seems like a waste of time to me. If you want a girlfriend / boyfriend and you don't have one don't spend your time complaining, rather spend your time prepairing for a girlfriend / boyfriend. So what does it mean to prepair for a serious relationship? Well I've never entered into one, but here are some things that I think are important to prepair for a relationship, and then things that should be addressed when entering into a romantic venture.


Expectations

This is something that I often harp on about. If you don't know what you want out of something, you're probably going to end up disappointed, and at the same time, you are only ever disappointed if your expectations aren't met. Now before you can have expectations one needs to find out if they are reasonable expectations. Example, if I go to the shop expecting to buy milk, and I walk into a clothes shop I am going to be disappointed because a clothes shop can't meet my expectations. If I had however said "I'm going to a clothes shop, can I expect to buy milk here?" I would have quickly deduced that this is an unreasonable expectation and then when I did go to the shop in question I wouldn't have been disappointed at all.

While this is quite a sill example, the same principle applies. So before entering into a romantic relationship, making sure you have reasonable expectations is imperative. The other thing is that what you feel is reasonable may not be reasonable to the other person, which is why talking to the person in question is necessary. This brings us to my next point...

Communication

As with everything this is very important. As I've said before half the world's problems could be solved if peolpe just sat down and took the time to understand each other. While this is something that is important within a relationship, it is also important in the build up to a relationship, and in fact in every aspect of life. If I can use my time as a single person to improve my communication skills the amount it will benefit my future relationships will be exponential. As a result I think that communication development is important as part of preparation for a relationship.

Understanding / Tolerance

A good friend of mine, Pierre, said that the two keys to a good relationship are understanding and communication. I am inclined to agree. Everyone has life experience, and as a result has preconcieved ideas about everything they come into contact with in their life. Example, I love rollercoasters. If however, the first time you ever rode on a rollercoaster it was terrible, you would probably hate it. That doesn't mean that rollercoasters are terrible, or that I shouldn't ride rollercoasters, it just means that all your experiences with rollercoasters have been bad and as a result you're going to hate them. Now as a friend, I need to realize that you hate them, and shouldn't spend my entire life trying to get you to ride one.

Being understanding is important, and with understanding comes tolerance. If you hate rollercoasters and I love them, you need to deal with the fact that I'm going to want to ride them all the time and as a result you should forget about trying to convince me they are terrible and just let me ride them in peace. Mostly.


Now these are all things that can be improved or developed during single-hood but I also think that in order for any relationship to be succesful, it needs to be founded on honesty. I once had a wonderful experience where I and another person got together and we decided that we were going to be totally honest with each other all the time, and we had one of the best relationships ever simply because we were open to conversation, but we also knew that no one had a hidden agenda. Ever since then I've been totally open with my friends. I'll always be honest with them, and give them my full support. I always speak my mind, and am open to discussion about my views. The other thing is that I'm quite happy to admit I'm wrong, so if I say something and someone convinces me otherwise I am happy to apologise and admit I was wrong. As long as the other person plays by the same rules I've got no problems.


To be honest I'm not totally happy with this blog, I'm still thinking a lot of this throught, and I don't have all the answers. Please feel free to give your opinion, and let me know if you think any of the above is totally wrong or totally right, or if there is something I haven't considered.

Excuses, excuses...

Today I was going to do a blog about relationships, sort of a prelude to my previous blog entitled 'Successful Relationships' but I'm not happy with it yet. I typed it out, and read it but it wasn't quite what I wanted it to be, and I'm not finished thinking about it yet, so you'll have to wait for tomorrow to read it.

In the mean time, Gareth and I are starting a blog where we will be reviewing music, probably an album a day, and we'll review new music when it comes out. Not sure what it's going to be called but we'll let you know as soon as we know.

I hope you all have a great day, and enjoy the football today. Chelsea are playing, so hopefully we'll win.

Love Is In The Details

I love details, and for me love is found in the detail. I'm not sure if it's because I am a thinker, and I think about things a lot and as a result I want lots of information, but I tend to notice lots of very small things. Every time I walk into a room, I immediately start looking around at all the small things: What colour are the curtains? Do they match the bed? Or the walls? What condition are the windows in? Are they clean? Is there a lot of dust in the corners of the room? Is there a tissue box? If so is it full? This takes me about 2 minutes.

And I do this with everything, all the time. And when it comes to my own stuff it's about 200 times worse. I have my room layed out in a specific way, with my bed on the right, my computer and sound system on the left, next to that I have my desk, and next to that is my cuboard. Everything has its place, my cuboard has shirts hanging up, first short sleeve, then long sleeve, then blazers [I love wearing a collar] then thicker jackets then random stuff. On the far left are my pants, first jeans, then chinos, then formal pants.

As a result of being fairly picky I am a bit of a perfectionist, especially when it comes to choosing clothes. Most people wouldn't guess it but I love clothes. Most people wouldn't say I like clothes because I only really wear black tops and jeans or black pants, but I do. And because I love clothes, I am very detailed when it comes to choosing them.

Example, I spent over two years looking for a specific blazer. I wanted a black blazer, with a slightly textured finish, two buttons on the front, but in standard spacing rather than extended spacing, four buttons on the cuffs, and it needed to have two vents on the back [so the cut needed to be that of a hackers jacket, but with the finish of a formal jacket]. It also needed to have a satin inner finish, which was similar to the black outside, and I wanted the collar to be slightly larger than that of a standard casual jacket. I didn't want large lapels, just slightly larger than normal.

I did eventually find one that was almost right, only problem being that the buttons weren't the right style. I decided to buy it anyway because it was the closest I've ever seen that wasn't an Armani [I did find one about a year before that was perfect but it was a custom Armani and it was about R15 000]. As a result of being so picky I seldom find what I'm looking for, but such is life.

In the same way, if there is something I don't care about I put almost no effort in. For example my car. I really don't like things that require working with my hands and cars need washing, and maintenance and stuff, so I don't really like it. As a result all I ever do is put in petrol and oil, wash the windows and occasionally vaccuum it. I like it to be clean on the inside but that's as far as it will ever go. As a result I'll probably never buy a new car because it's not worth the money loss.

So when it comes to things I love I put in a lot of effort to the details, especially when it comes to my friends. I like to make cards for my friends when it's their birthday, and so I often put in a lot of time when I'm thinking about what I'm going to make for them, and how etc. Remember, if you get a card from me give it a closer look, I hope you'll ble plesantly suprised at the small things.

So what do you find you put a lot of effort into? Is it because you love it or is it because you feel you have to? Why not assess what you put effort into, and find out if you're putting effort into things you love or just things you have to? I'm pretty sure if you put more effort into things you love and less effort into things you don't you'll find yourself more satisfied and less tired.

Here are some things I love putting lots of thought and detail into:

The music I listen to
My room
My clothes
My dreams
My study of the Word
My friends'
My research
My finances [I'm still pretty bad at financial planning]
Football
Cooking [I'm getting into this one]
What I drink [coffee, burban etc]


PS: I believe you never get more than you ask for, so would anyone like to give me R200? I want to go paintballing on Sunday but I'm broke.

All My Children

So as I'm sure most of you know I don't like children one little bit. In fact I hate them, they are loud, rude, dirty, weirdly small and downright irritating. And they don't seem to have any sort of thought process, which I hate. Anyway, so while I hate kids I love cats, and my cats specifically. I have three, Bradley, Cadbury and Beans. I thought I'd post a picture of each of them.

This first one is of Beans. He's a big cat, weighing in at an impressive 10kg. He's very friendly, and loves being picked up and carried around. At night he sleeps with me, which is great except when he decided to stretch himself out a little, and then he takes up a lot of space on the bed. All in all I love Beans a lot even thought he's sort of my mom's cat.




This next one is of Bradley. He is the latest addition to our family. He arrived about 2 months ago and just didn't leave. We decided to keep him because he's very friendly and we didn't have the heart to stop feeding him. He's still very young, probably under a year old, and he's still quite wild. He goes out at night and fights with other cats so he often has a few cuts and bruises. Two things that may suprise you about Bradley are that he loves playing with tennis balls, and that he loves eating trout.




This is Cadbury. He is 'my' cat, and he and Beans arrived at about the same time. We've had Cadbury for about 8 years now, and he's the most lovable of all the cats. He's very friendly, and loves to be held on his back. I often have a tuna sandwich and he always licks the bowl out afterwards, and when I bath he comes in to the bathroom and licks himself and waits for me to finish. He doesn't usually sleep with me because he and Bradley go out at night and usually cause a bit of trouble. Oh well, we love him. Another thing about Cadbury is that he purrs so loudly that he actually wakes my mom up at night. I don't mind though...

New Adventures 7th - 13th

I'm sure you all know that today is Thursday, which means 'New Adventures' day, so check it out. It's fairly boring and a chunk of it is a little depressing but have some fun.

Friday

Friday started out well, I decided to buy myself a cigar. I went over to Canal Walk, and got myself a nice one, and decided to enjoy it later that evening at Justin's new flat. We went over to his place and hung out with Pierre, Kelly, Donovan, Gareth, Tessa, Matt, Mike and of course Justin. Another couple named Ryan and Michelle came too, but they had to leave early, which is never fun.

We had a great time playing FIFA and generally just saying silly things. I'm not sure how it started but Justin, Gareth and Donovan love mixing metaphors for fun. My favorites are "Don't put your glass house in front of your wagon" and "Beggars can't count their unhatched eggs with a stone". Matt wore a fairly elaborate shirt sporting a rather amusing chinese dragon, and we all had a bit of a laugh. I joked that I wouldn't go to Tessa's wedding if she didn't buy Matt some new clothes. To be fair, I don't actually think the dragon shirt is awful, but I do think Matt needs new clothes. After a great evening we headed home at around 1 or so.


Saturday

Saturday started pretty well, I said my prayer about having a spirit of thanksgiving, and then headed over to Gareth's house. After seeing Arsenal beat Man U 2 - 1, which was suprising, we decided that we wanted to go out and play some pool. We organised to go thorugh to a pub called Buckley's and have a game or two.

I got home and my system had crashed, and to be honest, the rest of the weekend took a major tumble after that. I had an average time playing pool, but I was very miserable on Sunday evening, and Monday morning. Bleh.

Sunday

So I'm already feeling miserable and my mom comes over to me and says "Maybe this is an example of where your treasure lies." That didn't make anything better. I know the Word says "Where your treasure lies, there your heart will be also" but I don't think that the fact that my PC is screwed and I'm pissed off means that my heart lies in worldly posessions. My mom really has great timing hey...


Monday

Took my car into the shop to get it repaired, and the lady says "Oh we didn't need the whole car today". So I'd arranged to get a lift with Gareth for nothing. It seems that everything is going against me.


Tuesday

Things improved a substantial amount on Tuesday. I decided that it was time I actually stopped feeling like a victim and became pro active of controlling my emotions and stopped controlling things around me. I decided to feel better about everything and to just have some fun. Tuesday night I went over to Justin's flat to play FIFA with Gareth, Mike and of course Justin. We stayed up until around 3, and then hit the sack.

I also had my last evening of my course on Revalation, which was awesome.


Wednesday

Wednesday was a pretty mellow day. I didn't go into the studio at all, and just hung out with friends. I went in to the studio in the evening though to be there for Take The State's practice, and to chat to Mel. After band practice, we went through to Justin's place to hang out a little. We were going to watch some 'Flight of the Concordes' but decided to watch some Eddie Izzard first. Turned out to be the wrong decision because the Eddie Izzard wasn't great. To be honest, he's usually super funny, but this one wasn't. Oh well, such is life.

Thursday

Didn't sleep well so I only actually got to sleep quite late and then only woke up at 13:30. My least favorite people were going to be in at the studio, so I decided it was best if I went in later. I headed off to the traffic department to renew my car license and then made myself a great mini tuna mayo salad. It's actually my staple lunch these days...

Then I finished tying my blog for the day.

My Favorite Albums

In case you don't know I listen to a large variety of music from different genres, and each genre communicates different emotions. For me each an album should first have great songs, and second it should be a journey. An album should tell a story, and when you listen to an album it should evoke an emotion in the same what that specific songs do. For me, when I listen to an album, I actually appreciate the individual songs more. Here are my favorite albums from different genres, and why [Please note I'm passionate about music, so this'll be a long post. Just read the reviews you're interest in and feel free to comment]:

> Ashes of the Wake - Lamb Of God [New American Metal]

This is probably my favorite album ever. I've been listening to it for over 2 years now, and I'm still not tired of it. Every song is strong, communicating emotions without losing the fact that it's brutal and heavy. The songs are fast, technically difficult and heartfelt. From an engineering standpoint it's great too, perhaps a bit too clean in the mid range for my liking, but the bottom end is strong, with great separation throughout the frequency spectrum. And everything is well recorded, catching the small details in the guitaring and an awesome balance of compression and percussiveness on the drums. As I've said I wish it were a little 'dirtier', but their following album was dirtier in the mids, so all's well that ends well. Luckily for us Lamb Of God isn't finished...

The thing about Lamb Of God that makes them so awesome is how they write their songs. Their guitarist are both super good, and very technically fast an accomplished, but because neither of them are formally schooled the riffs they write are extremely creative and sound amazing. Along with that you put one of the most creative and melodic drummers of all time and you have a winning formula. Chris Adler [the drummer] says he writes his drum pieces to enhance what the guitars are doing, and it shows. His double kick skills are amazing, and when working with the right riff, it's amazing. Another thing I love about LOG is the fact that they seldom have a guitarist just chugging away in the corner, everything is dual riffs, so both guitars are playing either harmony lead stuff, or they're playing two completely different things to make life interesting. And of course there are AMAZING solos, and the guitarists have beautiful tone. In short, tied for my favoite band.


> Bleed the Fifth - Divine Heresy [Extreme Metal / Death Metal]

This was the first 'extreme metal' album I really enjoyed. The vocals are a little more 'metalcore', but the guitaring and drumming put it firmly in the 'extreme metal' playing field. So what makes it extreme? Well, for starters the guitarist plays an 8 string guitar, with the tuning going from low to high: F#,B,E,A,D,G,B,E. All of the song's on the album have a tempo above 210bpm, and one of the songs is at 236bpm, and the drummer plays 16th notes on his feet. I worked it out that he kicks over 870 times per minute in that song, which means more than 7 kicks per second on each foot. That's extreme.

But it's actually not the fact that it's extreme that makes it great. The drummer and guitarist work so well together, which is what has made their sound. The guitarist plays very low, with fairly heavy distortion, so his riffs come across as very percussive, but the drummer works with that using his toms and kicks to place emphasis on what the guitar is doing. With great lead melodies, and a few solos, and great arrangements this is a mean album.


> Lost in the Sound of Separation - Underoath [Screamo]

This is a new album from Underoath, but it's amazing. If you listen to the album you can hear by the way things fit so well together that a lot of time went into tracking. The great thing about this album is that there is more lead work than before but the band have still retained their signature sound of strong downbeats and synths which create epic atmospheric chants. When these guys play live it is awesome because there are so many parts for the crowd to sing along, it makes for an amazing show.

The thing about this album which makes it unique is the journey you go on, where the first three songs are about desperation, moving through to strength and eventually realising that life goes on and all we can do is make the best of it. I love this album.

> Train of Thought - Dream Theater [Prog Metal]

Dream Theater are tied with Lamb of God for my favorite band. If you don't know who they are, they're amazing. I don't know how to describe Dream Theater, but let me do my best. DT is a band of four of the best musicians in their respective fields playing the most technically satisfying music they can. They have a drummer [Mike Portnoy], bassist [John Myung], keyboardist [Jordan Rudess] and guitarist [John Petrucci], and along with their vocalist [James Labrie] they have changed the way progressive music is written.

They are all just so creative on their respective instruments, if you listen to their music and actually try to understand what each of them are doing, you're head will explode. I love their music, not least because their songs are all mini journey's [their longest song is 45mins, while their shortest is 4:50 and average is around 8mins long] and together they tell a story. This particular album is great, with a lot more of an old school metal sound to it, with some great guitar solos, keyboard lead riffs and brilliant bass lines, as well as some of the most creative drum fills I've ever heard. The albm tells the story of becoming a father [both John Petrucci and Mike Portnoy had just had kids when it came out] and the responsibilities thereof.


> Fear of a Blank Planet - Porcupine Tree [Prog Rock]

Porcupine Tree are a progressive rock band from England who's music isn't extremely technical or fast but rather very melodic and enticing. Don't get me wrong, some of the guitar solos are super difficult, and their drummer has two instructional DVDs out on coordination and layering, but the amazing thing is that while they ARE that good, they don't flaunt it all the time. There are passages in tracks where the drums go crazy, or the guitars steal the limelight, but most of the time everyone just plays straight down the line progressive rock.

So if the songs are fairly normal [with the occasional flash of brilliance] why do I love it so much? Two reasons. Orchestration and arrangement. The songs are all very linear, meaning there are a lot of different synths and guitar lines being looped, dropping in and out through the songs, with great drum and bass work creating a solid foundation for the melodies and lead lines to come in and just command a real authority thorught out the album. The last track, Sleep Together, has one of the best pieces of orchestration in it, including an entire philharmonic orchestra [The London Philharmonic Orchestra to be precise].

The lyrics are also very interesting, as the album is a commentary on the state of society, and how children and teenagers interact with each other and their responsibilities, or lack thereof.


> Professor Satchifunkilus and the Munsterion of Rock - Joe Satriani [Instrumental Rock]

If you don't know who Joe Satriani is, you have been cheated in your life. He is one of the best guitarists to have ever lived, and his latest album is one of his greatest. There are no vocals, and the entire focus of the album is on the music, nothing else. With each of his albums he focuses on a different aspect of music, so in the past he's done blues type albums, metal type albums, but this album has a really strong focus on rock.

Joe Satriani has a way of using his music, as well as his guitar, to tell a story. Without words he conveys emotion and you can feel what the character in the story is feeling rather than just hearing what happened. And of course the music is extremely technical and in many cases very fast and heavy. To be honest, Satch's tone isn't my favorite, but it works for his style of music, which is heavily influences by classic rock.

With Satch being one of the best in the world, he works with the best too. The drummer, Jeff Campitelli, and bassist, Matt Bissonette, are very creative within the song and play extremely well so as to drive the song while still creating enough space for Joe to come in and play beautiful, flowing lead lines.

The recording is also amazing, with the engineer focusing on different styles of recording drums and guitars, and keeping bass fairly standard throughout the album. Of course these styles were specifically chosen for the song in question, so it works to communicate what's going on with the guitar too.


> Viva La Vida - Coldplay [Altern Rock]

Everyone knows Coldplay, and for good reason. They write brilliant music. Their stuff is very simple, but together it works very well, and their lyrics are very accessible to the average person. Their albums in the past have been super popular, and their live show is great.

viva La vida is their fourth studio album, and it's very experimental in comparison to their older stuff. When the first single, Violet Hill, came out a lot of people didn't like it, but I thought it was interesting. When I heard it in context of the album it was awesome.

That's the thing about this album, if you listen to the tracks as singles, you don't really understand the context while if you listen to it as an album it'll blow you away. Give it a try...


> The Gospel According To Jazz Volume 2 - Kirk Whalum [Jazz]

This guy is amazing. He is a Christian who plays primaraly sax, but also the clarinet and a few other flutes and the like. He got his start as a session musician and ended up playing for Whitney Houston and others, and now he writes and records his own jazz, playing with other brilliant Christian artists.

This particular album is a more modern jazz sound, and I love it so much I bought the DVD and watch it fairly often. The music is filled with brilliant little touches from each musician, but spacious enought for everyone to have a little solo in each track. If you know music you're likely to know the following names of people who played on this album: Paul Jackson Jr [Electric guitar], Jonathan Butler [vox, nylon string], Tyrone Dickens [Hammond, keys], George Duke [piano], Luis Conte [percussion], Shawn McCurley [drums], Michael Manson [double bass] and of course Kirk Whalum [sax and clarinet].


> The Golden Era of Dance - Radio Rhythm Orchestra [Big Band Jazz]

I love jazz, but I love big band jazz even more. It's the most energy filled music I've ever heard. You listen to it and there's nothing you can do but start tapping your feet. There's something about how the energy and power of brass instrumets mould with a well written drum and bass part. Add in some piano and guitar lead lines and you've got the perfect dance music.

This band in particular are very good and recorded all their music live, giving everything that extra bit of energy. Quite a few of the songs are very fast, with light but intricate drumming, a strong driving bass line and a full quartet of brass to give the song more energy than any pop song I've ever heard. The vocals are classic '50s so it's got a great old school vibe. Even my gran enjoys this album.


> Mozart's Requiem in D Minor - Wolfgang Mozart [Opera / Orchestral]

Many people don't enjoy operatic music, but I love it. There's something about it that communicates so much emotion, it's almost unbearable to listen to at times. I love the way that this particular piece is written, to work with the orchestra, as well as using percussive instruments to add power to the 'downbeat' in certain parts. The vocals are performed by a choir so it's more atmospheric which works extremely well for this piece.

If you don't know what a requiem is, here's what the dictionary says: "A mass for the rest of the souls of the dead". The whole thing is in Latin, and for me it's part of the appeal. I've listened to the three opening movements so many times, and I just can't get enough of the power found in the way it's written to rise and fall.

The full piece is a little under an hour long, but well worth the journey.

Funny Stories Part 1

I know there are two blogs today, but this one is just for fun.

I really do think that laughter is an extremely effective way to heal wounds, as well as to just raise your morale. And the truth is that I love laughing. Here are some stories that I find / found rather amusing. All the names are made up, so don't feel bad if one of the stories is about you, no one will know. Also, the humor may in some places be a little dodge and will probably be quite dry so if you don't get it don't worry it's just my sense of humor.

Also, all of these are completely true.


Losing Hair Down South

About 2 years ago a friend of mine, we'll call him Adam, was given a male g-string as a joke for Christmas, by two brothers named Cain and Abel. The following day Cain and Abel were having a braai at their house for friends and family and Adam was invited around. Unfortunately Adam didn't have transport so he had to walk from his house to Cain and Abel's place, which was about a 2km walk. Adam didn't mind, but there was however one drawback. That morning Adam had opened his draw to find that all of his underpants were dirty and in the wash. Deciding not to go commando, he took a chance and wore his new g-string.

Adam walked to Cain and Abel's house, and arrived shortly before lunch where there were about 30 people over for the annual braai. He was feeling quite uncomfortable in the new g-string and after much thought he decided he needed to take it off and wanted to do it ASAP. Just as everyone was gathering to pray, Adam slipped out and went into Cain's room to change his uncomfortable garment. He chose Cain's room because from the window he could see over the garden and could see when the prayer was finished and the coast would be clear for him to slip back in for lunch.

Unfortunately for Adam, he has a rather hairy bottom and was in a rush. Instead of taking his time, he ran into Cain's room, pulled down his pants and just ripped the g-string off.

In the garden the guests were about to start praying when they heard an almighty scream from Cain's room as Adam not only pulled his g-string off, but also about 50% of the hairs on his ass. In Adam's walk from his house the g-string had gotten tangled in his 'bum fluff' and upon removal had taken all the caught hair along. All 30 people heard the cry and then found Adam in a large amount of pain, refusing to sit down for the rest of the day. Good times.


Rugby and the Beach

One Sunday morning we decided to go down to Clifton 4th beach and spend the day in the awesome weather. I don't really like the beach, but I figured if all my friends would be there, we'd have a great time, and as long as I didn't get sunburnt I'd be fine. We arrived and set ourselves up in a great spot with umbrellas and towels and the whole deal.

While there, Cain [yes, the same Cain, Abel and Adam] pulled out a mini rubgy ball and tried to get us to play touch rugby. We weren't keen and said later, not actually intending out honouring our promise. Later during the day, around 3pm, we eventually gave into Cain's nagging and played a little touch rugby. Problem was that the ball was quite small and quite a few of the guys were avid rubgy players and fans. As a result, during kicking the ball always went much further than was intended.

After getting shouted at a few times for our ball landing on people's lunch, ice cream or just their heads we decided to just throw the ball around instead of kicking and everything else. Everyone was having a good time, and the ball was hitting people a lot less.

About 5 minutes after we started throwing the ball around but it was still going astray too often for Abel's liking and he and Cain were getting quite angry with the offending parties when the ball did escape the field of play. A few minutes into our new found game two gay gentlemen came walking down the beach holding hands, and walked through our circle. At this stage Adam had the ball, and he threw it to Cain, but unfortunately it slipped in his hand and accidentally hit one of the gay gentlemen on the back of the head.

With the frustration becoming unbearable, Cain shouted at the top of his voice "Adam you fag!"

Everyone suddenly realised what he'd just said and packed out laughing. The gay gentleman was not very impressed and Cain not being the sharpest chopstick in the draw, had no idea what was going on. It took Abel several attempts and a good 5 minutes to explain to the gay gentlemen that no one is anti homosexual and that it was an accident. Fun was had by all. Mostly.


Group Hug and Bleeding

This one happened the other day. You may remember that a few days ago I put up a post which mentioned a website for confessions called Group Hug. Since then all of my friends have been on and had a read for fun. The other night we were talking about the various confessions we'd seen and someone spoke about on where a guy said he has a massive penis [he said diameter, but I think he meant a girth of 6.5 inches which is very big], and that a lot of women find it too big.

It was fairly late and as with many people my friend, we'll call him Jeremy, probably wasn't thinking normally. Jeremy said "Wow, he'd probably have to start every pickup line with 'Are you open to bleeding?'"

I cried. I couldn't believe Jeremy had just said that. I was like rofl. Good times.




Anyway, I'll post more later.

Successful Relationships

I know that the last few days' blogs have been a little heavy and depressing so here's something I thought about last night which is a little more neutral.

Last night I was talking to my good friend the MS [Matt Slade] and I asked him how things were going with his lady friend [if you don't know Matt, he's a rather brilliant game designer, who is very specific about most things in his life. I've been friends with Matt for about 7 years now. He recently aquired his first girlfriend. Hello Tessa.] and that got me thinking about what makes a successful relationship. I know that people say that opposites attract but I think that's mostly crap because people want to shag someone hot, so here's what I think need to match, and the rest can be very different but it probably won't make a difference. Please note that this is my own opinion and I've actually never had a girlfriend:

> Lifestyle
> Passions
> Goals in Life
> Communication Style
> Expression of Love


Lifestyle

Your lifestyle is how you live. If you are an outgoing person who loves to go out every night of the week until all hours of the morning it will come through in the way you live your life, and if you date someone who is extremely introverted and hates going out at all, chances are you are going to encounter some problems.

Your lifestyle choices also include things like religion / spiritual beliefs, economic status and the like. If you are fairly well off person and you date someone who has always been dirt poor, your approach to life will be very different and that will create problems.

All of these things will create places where your interests overlap as well as reduce problems because you'll probably have similar principles.


Passions

Everyone should have something that they are passionate about, and it's very seldom that two people who are dating have the same passion, but being tolerant of each others passions, and understanding each others passions is very important. Example, I love music and I listen to music for about 12 - 16 hours a day. If I date someone who hates listening to music all the time there are going to be major problems very quickly.

At the same time I need to realise that I may date someone who isn't passionate about what I am passionate about and so I need to show some sort of restrain and not talk about music and sound all the time we are together. And if I date someone who is passionate about photography for example, then I need to show some interest and listen, research and ask questions. Life is all give and take...


Goals in Life

This one is a no brainer. If I hate children [which I do] and I were to start dating a girl who loves kids and wants a small school of them we are going to have problems. So each party needs to be comfortable with what they want and then they need to be able to come to a compromise. As with anything, there are dealbreakers which can't be negotiated away, but at the same time there are also things that you want that can be 'given' away during the relationship.

If you don't have either the same or similar goals the relationship may work in the short term but not on a long term scale. If I decide that I never want children and I date someone who does, at the beginning it'll be fine but in a few months time, or if we get married someone is going to feel cheated, [and in this case it won't be me] and eventually resentment will build up and that's when things will go south very quickly.


Communication Style

This is something that I still struggle with. I always assume that everyone knows the importance of effective communication, and yet I still often come across people who are horrible at expressing themselves in any way at all. I consider myself an effective communicator because while my most comfortable communication medium is writing, I can almost always put my thoughts into words on the spot because it's something I've identified that I need to work on.

My brother on the other hand is an awful communicator. He always says that he needs to write his thoughts down, but if you ask him to think about something and write his thoughts down, when you actually ask him he almost always says "I forgot" and you can never get an answer out of him. So if I want answers from him I have to ask him closed ended questions that he can say either "Yes" or "No" to, and then we can make progress.

Now while I know how he communicates and can compensate for it, it isn't an ideal situation. As a result I do get answers but not anywhere near as much information as I would have liked to get. In a relationship it is a similar situation except you'd hope both parties would take more responsibility than my brother does.

Truth is that if you can't communicate you've got major problems. No one will ever know what the other person wants or how to negotiate anything, and I reckon that's half the reason people get divorced in life.


Expression of Love

This isn't so much something that needs to be matched but rather something that needs to be understood. A while ago a book was written called "The 5 Love Languages", and there were of course 5 different ways that love is expressed described in the book. Now while it is highly unlikely that two people will have the exact same love languages [each person is considered to have 2 primary love languages] love does need to be expressed to the other person in their love language.

Example, the five love languages are: receiving gifts, encouraging words, physical touch, quality time and acts of service. Now if my love languages are physical touch and encouraging words, but my girlfriend's are gifts and quality time then there's no point in me expressing my love by giving her a hug because she won't feel loved. At the same time she would need to send me an email with some nice words in it to make me feel loved rather than giving me a t shirt or whatever.

Point is that you need to talk to the other person in their language for them to understand you're trying to express love and not just feeling cold.


Anyway, these are just my thoughts, so if you think I'm completely wrong, feel free to comment and let me know what you think. And if you think I'm right, just know it was mostly a guess, so I'm lucky not experienced.

Help! The World Is Against Me

Do you ever feel like the world is completely against you? Like nothing is going your way, and in fact most things are attacking you? Well I do, right now actually. If you haven't been following my blog, here's a list of things that haven't gone my way since Saturday afternoon.


> Ambushed by my mom about my weight. She reckons I'm losing touch a bit. Fair enough, I do need to exercise a little, but not fun being told your overweight.

> PC crashes. May not seem like a big thing, but for me it's my escape when I'm at home. I listen to music on it, read, write and blog on it, I watch 'TV' on it and it's mine. Now that it's crashed I almost feel like I'm stranded.

> Ambushed by my Gran. You may not know my gran, but she's difficult to deal with because she's always right, knows more than everyone else, and complains about anything and everything. Anyway, she arrived just before I bathed, then complained for a while. Not a nice way to start the day.

> Ambushed by my mom. She told me that the fact that I'm upset about my computer is a direct result of me storing treasures on earth and not relying on YHVH enough. Maybe she has a point, but it was a shit time to make it.

> Ambushed by my family. A while ago I said that I don't believe that we're a family anymore because my dad is getting a sex change. I said that I wasn't going to eat with them anymore because that's something we always used to do as a family but because we're not a family anymore I'm not going to do it. It's actually more of a protest for me than anything else. On Sunday evening they decided that it was time to try and get me to eat with them, and so they started nagging and complaining that I must eat with them and whatever, but I was pissed off so it just made things worse.

> Monday morning arrives. Having a pretty crap time, and my mom starts asking dumb questions about my computer. Then I ask her to just leave it and she stands there praying for me. Really bad timing, I was pissed off again.

> Then I take my car in to get fixed, and arrange a lift home with Gareth, and the lady says "Oh we don't need your car now, don't worry". I was not happy.

At this stage I'm just super sensitive about everything. If I press the wrong button on the keyboard it's just "Fuck off! What the fuck is going on here!", and it's so stupid I can't take it anymore. If anything goes wrong I just start swearing. I'm like a bear who's trying to walk around with nails in all four of his paws.

For my family, the above things are fairly normal. So other than the computer crashing, this is a normal weekend for me. So why am I so pissed off about it? I think I have the answer.

This week, on the 13th my dad is starting to live full time as a woman. In exactly one year he'll be able to have his cock chopped off and will be a woman in all ways, and it pisses me off. The amount of anger in my body right now is enough to tear down a city.

While I've know this is coming for a long time, it doesn't prepair you for the actual event. And it's not easy. To be honest, I don't know what I'm going to do. I can't stay this angry, but I don't know how to get around it. And being attacked on all sides doesn't help the situation. In this case I don't have the answers. And it blows...

All I can say is I'm trusting YHVH, and I'm trying my best. Let's just hope I survive.

Films Part 2

As promised, here is the continuation of my review of my favorite films, and why. But before I continue, allow me to say a quick little something something about my Fantasy Football team.

After spending yesterday with Gareth watching some football and then later hanging out with Justin I realised that there is a major whole in my football knowledge. Players. I know a lot about different teams, as well as their respective strategies, but I know very little about specific players.

Anyway, to cut a medium length story shorter, I did some research into players, and players I'd chosen and I decided to make some major changes, playing my wildcard for the season. Here's my current team:

Cech, Myhill
Terry, Turner, Traore A, Barnett, Konechesky
Lampard, Ronaldo, fletcher, Delap, Deridder
Berbatov, King, Keane

Anyway enough about football, here are my movie 'reviews' which I think a lot of people, if not everyone should see:

Comedy / Drama

> Ice Age 2
I laughed so hard in this movie, I almost fell out of my chair. They're both good, but the second one is much better.

> Dodgeball
Very dry humor. I did actually fall out of my chair when I watched this one. So dumb, but the quotes are amazing.

Action / Drama

> The Bourne Films
I really enjoyed these films. The story was great, the action was excellent and I really LOVED the cinematography. It wasn't anything super special, but the small details took the film from good to great. The other thing is that it had amazing music, which I really enjoyed.

> National Treasure
The first one was awesome. It had some action, adventure, comedy and a fun story. Good music in the film too, and with a great cast it was always going to be a hit.

> Ronin
A fairly old film, starring Robert De Niro and Jean Reno about some retired spies all from the end of the cold war, who are hired to steal a briefcase. Great twists and turns, with actual logic which is rare in action films.

Thought Provoking

> A Clockwork Orange
Wow. This film was great. As far as I can tell, it was the first film ever to have a rape scene. The film is a commentary on future society, if nothing changes. While the film was released in the late '70s, it is still very relevant. One of the things I really enjoyed about this film were the sharp contrasts between the extreme violence and the lifestyle of the characters, listening to Beethoven and the like, drinking milk etc.

> Garden State
This is a must see. Written by Zack Braff, this film is about a man who has been medicated since he was a young child, and then his mother dies, and he decides to go off his medication and actually experience life. For the first time he faces and experiences his problems and finds that nothing is as bad as it seems, and with friends by your side you can get through anything.

> Requiem For a Dream
If this film wasn't so graphic I'd say that all children should watch it so they'd be scared to not do drugs. The film is about 4 people who have dreams which during the course of the film are ruined by drug abuse. An amazing film which contrasts experiences with dreams and the like, and of course the music in this film is amazing. If you want a happy ending, don't watch this film. If you want to see what drug abuse does to people's lives, and to actually experience their pain, watch it.


As I think of more, I'll review them. Remember, if you haven't seen the above you should. They're awesome.

A Spirit of Thanksgiving

So I know I promised the second installment in my review of movies I love, but I've run into some trouble, but more on that later in the blog. Tomorrow will however have the latest installment in the movie reviews...

So yesterday I heard Joyce Meyer speaking on the radio, and she quoted that scripture verse [I can't remember where it is] which says that we shouldn't worry, but rather take all our requests to YHVH in thanksgiving. Now everyone remembers the don't worry part and no one forgets the ask part, but seldom do we notice the thanksgiving part.

It dawned on me that part of the reason we're all unhappy is because we are never thankful for what we have, and indeed what we want when we do have them. Then add onto the fact that scripture says that when we worry we should not only ask for help, but ask with thanksgiving for not only what we have but also what we will be receiving.

So I decided to take a step and ask The Father for a spirit of thanksgiving, and to teach me to thankful in all occasions, because I do actually want to be happy. And as with most things the first time you ask for something, you're immediatly challenged.

I prayed, then went over to Gareth's house, and watched some football, which was fun for everyone. So far so good. Then I came home to finish my blog and get ready to go out, but when I got home my pc had crashed. Shit.

I decided to start troubleshooting, and as far as I can tell [I did study computer engineering, so I'm not an idiot when it comes to computers] either my motherboard isn't getting power or a virus has shut down my BIOS. Either way there are major problems. Naturally I was pretty pissed off, because there are two things I use my PC for, namely playing music [about 16 hours a day, literally] and internet. Losing both in one day is very VERY bad...

I went and told my mom, and also told her about the prayer, and she pushed me a little to not swear but rather be thankful not only for the situation but also the lesson to be learned and the outcome. It's a lot easier to practice what you pray...

So I prayed. I decided not to worry but rather to ask for a new Apple Mac Pro, and wait and see. Now I'm working on the be thankful part. It's not easy but I'm sure that the outcome will be worth the pain, simply because I trust YHVH with my life, and I'm sure he's going to do what's best for me.

At the moment I'm typing this off my brother's laptop, and it's not very nice, but it's ok. All I can say is I'm choosing to trust YHVH and His Word, and I'll let you know what happens...

Anyway, before I go, I have three things to say:

> It seems after my discussion with some of my friends on Friday, that I have about 9 or so followers of my blog, but not all of them are logged onto Google and as a result they can't post. If you would like to comment, I suggest getting an account at Google, and then you'll have no worries. It is super easy, just hit www.google.com and click on "Sign In" in the top right hand corner, and register. It is of course free, and you don't even have to give many details. Just an email account, and they don't email you, ever [well they have never emailed me] and they don't give your info away.

If you don't want to do that, either email me and I'll post it for you or put it on my facebook page and I'll do the same.

> Yes I am a Christian, yes I do swear. It's something I'm still working through, the whole wholesome laungage thing. Another problem I have is if someone dares me to do something, and the don't think I'm going to do it, I immediatly have to do it, so as to shock them into respecting me or something. Just ask Donovan. He was priviledged to see something of mine not many other people have ever, or will ever see...

> South African elections are coming up soon, so expect a blog on elections and the like in the coming week.