World Cup

Right, so I know this is late but I've been saying this for a while. Just haven't published it until now...

Spain and Brazil will make the final, Spain to win.

Germany will make the quarters, in my opinion but Argentina will make it past them to the semis, along with England.

I think England would have been at least 100% stronger if they had Bobby Zamora. He could do the same job as Emile Heskey, except he'd score goals too. Sounds weird, but that's my opinion.

Here are who I want Chelsea to sign:

Igor Akinfeev (goalkeeper to replace Henrique Hilaro)

Gregory van der Wiel (Right back to replace Juliano Belletti)

Romelu Lukaku (Striker for the future, similar to Drogba in build and style of play)

Fernando Torres (...)

I'd like it if they played in a 4-2-1-3 formation, but I shall discuss this more in future.

Untied (This one's for Gareth)

I often speak about Chelsea, and there is much to think about with the Anchovy declaring that next season there will be at least five youth academy players in the squad replacing current first team players (those being Jeffrey Bruma, Patrick van Aanholt, Nemanja Matic, Gael Kakuta and Fabio Borini) but today I'd like to explore Manchester Untied's transfer options.

The first problem which comes to mind is Owen Hargreaves. That man has been dead to the world for almost two years now. He's a wonderful football player but you have to wonder if he'll ever come back at this rate. Everyone has been hearing about how he's been recovering from his knee surgeries but this week he broke down in training with a calf strain which will delay his recovery again. Needless to say he won't be playing this season, and will hopefully be ready for pre season in July. His injury does however cause a headache for transfers. The team can't really go on without him, but there's no point in buying another player if he's going to come back into the team leaving one of the other on the sidelines.

Ideally the midfield would consist of two positions, with two players per position, those being Carrick, Fletcher, Hargreaves, Scholes and Gibson. I'm counting Scholes and Gibson as one person because the team want to 'ease' Scholes out and 'ease' Gibson in. There has been much talk of United buying James Milner, and personally I think that would be a fantastic buy. He fits their style of play well, he could work on the wing or in central midfield and I think he'd be perfect cover for Darren Fletcher. But if Hargreaves comes back in, there would be too many in there for it to work.

Unless, they actually changed their formation to one which had three central midfielders. One of their big problems this season, in my opinion, has been their formational changing. They have sometimes played with two up front and sometimes they've dropped someone into midfield. I don't know why they've been doing it because it is only half working in both instances. Rooney seems to play better with someone else to help him (a traditional 4-4-2), but their midfield has been weak for all kinds of reasons, so they've tried three in there (sometimes a 4-3-2-1 and sometimes a 4-2-3-1). But it just isn't working. They still aren't retaining possession: that's been their biggest problem this season.

I think they need to choose a formation, and stick to it. Make it work for them in exactly the same way they always have in the past (and indeed all top performing teams tend to) and create some more stability. But their midfield hasn't been the only reason for the formational changes, Berbatov has been a massive problem too.

I read an article a few weeks ago written by Gary Lineker in which he argued that United need many more strikers. He stated that someone who worked for Spurs expressed concern about Berbatov's ability to survive the mental pressure of being a United striker, and being expected to score goals every week. It seems as if that man was spot on, because Berbatov has not performed since moving and it isn't because he's become a horrid football player. I think he just can't cope with the pressure.

And Ferguson not trusting him isn't helping. But you can't blame the manager, the Count just isn't scoring goals. So is replacing him the answer? No. Not in my opinion. I think he just needs the pressure relieved a bit and that can be accomplished by the club buying a top striker, David Villa for example, who can play alongside Rooney and Berbatov and take some pressure of both of them. That way he will be able to play most weeks, but without as much pressure to score because there is someone else to take some of that pressure too.

The other thing to consider is that with three strikers to choose from, it would also leave space for young strikers like Wellbeck and Hernandez to come through. You may be saying "three, but you've forgotten about Michael Owen." Well, I haven't. I think that man should be released to race his horses. He's been mostly useless to the club and everyone else this season. He has scored goals, but he's injured for literally more time than he plays. And that just won't do for a club like Manchester United.

So, Rooney, Villa and Berbatov up front with Wellbeck and Hernandez coming through sounds good. And provided he gets fit, Hargreaves, Carrick, Fletcher, Gibson and Scholes in the center. But what of the wings? Well, Nani is about as consistent as a badly raked patch of gravel while Valencia is the epitomy of what United are looking for and Giggs is on his way out. It seems as if there may be a few problems there. So, before we look at who might be brought in we need to look at anyone coming through. There are three names that come to mind: Tosic, Macheda and Obertan.

Of these three, two look exceptionally promising while Tosic has gone out on loan and has done rather well. The problem here is that these guys need to come through next season. There is no more time to waste. Nani needs to find a way to perform at a good level every week, while Valencia just needs to keep on tearing the right wing up. Obertan needs to pull through on the left, Macheda on the right and Tosic needs to make an impact somewhere.

With that in mind, is there any space for anyone else to be bought? To be honest, I don't know. I don't really think so but I do think that the guys that are there need to make an impact, fast. There is one other problem and his name is Park. The Sweatshop has been played as an attacking midfielder as well as a wing, and I don't really know where he works best. For now I think he should be kept as a utility player, and moved around as injuries dictate.

With the wings, central midfield and the strikers looking good and only one buy so far, we move onto the defence. The team have a good few defenders: Ferdinand (who is perma injured and exceptionally over rated in my opinion), Vidic, Evans, Smalling (new buy for the center), De Laet, Brown, Rafael, Fabio, O'Shea and of course the best left back in the world, Evra. In that collection I think the team have enough good players that if some of them can keep fit (Ferdinand and Brown) there should be no problems.

So, the last position to consider is the other one which I think is a big problem. Goalkeeper. Van der Sar is fantastic but Foster and Kuszczak are woeful. I think that this position will take some planning and investment because I don't think releasing Kuszczak is the answer but perhaps getting rid of Foster is. And there is a need for Van der Sar to be replaced, by someone world class. Lloris has been spoken about, and after his performance for Lyon against Bayern Munich his stock can only have risen. He's a good age, mid 20's as far as I'm aware, and I think with him slotting into goal and Van der Sar dropping to second choice, it would allow a smooth transition. Next season perhaps another can be bought or brought through, but this one could go lots of different ways.

At the end of the day, I think this has been United weakest seasons for a while, and at times they've looked quite poor but the truth is that they've been building for the future for two seasons now and I think it is time for some of those younger players to come through, and relieve the older legs. If things go according to plan, and the team get just a little lucky when it comes to injuries I think they'll have a fantastic squad for next season.

Midfield Magnet

This week's game against Bolton confirmed my idea that Chelsea and Carlo Ancelotti require a midfield playmaker for success. It is his way, and now it is their way. Jose Mourinho did not want the team to ever require a player in the team for success, and as a result he played a system which never really utilised a traditional playmaker but the Anchovy has in the past and continues to do so. At AC Milan he played Pirlo deep in midfield, and then Kaka further forward doing a similar thing in a different way. And with him as Chelsea's manager, they will need to do the same thing.

In fact, their success at the beginning of the season was dependant on Deco's performance, as a playmaker behind the strikers. At some stage Deco picked up a few knocks and didn't play as well as he had, and the results reflected as much. Then he was injured and the team were eventually forced to change their formation. He came back but was played deeper in midfield, and this worked very well until he was injured once again, and once again the team went through a difficult time. Recently he has come back from injury and the results have picked up drastically.

There is however one major problem with Deco. He is old and susceptible to injury, and while he provides the team with some culture they need more. As a result I think that Chelsea NEED a quality playmaker for next season, I think Rafael van der Vaart would be a good buy, as well as to bring through Gael Kakuta for the position. With a more traditional playmaker in midfield, given the freedom to roam and dictate the team's play, wingbacks on either side allowing the wing strikers to move inside and be playmakers themselves the team would have a very fluid but tactically sound approach to the game which would be focused on zonal pressure and attacking play.

Control midfield with two central midfielders, put three strikers up front, wingbacks to patrol the flanks and allow a playmaker to do whatever the fuck he chooses wherever he wants. Job done.

Transfers

The first signing of the new season and subsequent transfer window has been made: Arsenal have (finally) signed Chamakh. The prospect of clubs buying and selling always pushes people all over towards thinking about all kinds of deals they think would be best for their club. Another striker or another attacking midfielder? Who should play alongside their star center half? Who would be the perfect holding midfielder? Everyone thinks they know what their team needs, and they think they know who would be perfect for the position.

But I don't think that realistically, most people actually have the bigger picture in mind. As a Chelsea fan, I think I know who they should bring in, and who should go but the truth is that it would be very easy to bring in big players for what I want, and not get what the club actually need. So here's what I think can realistically happen and why...

As I have said before, the core of the team is good, but they need some brilliance to make the difference so that the team can win the prize they desire more than anything else: the Champion's League. In order for this to work, the team needs to become the Anchovy's. And this can only happen when the Anchovy decides how he wants the team to play, and then decided who he'd like to play, and how and where and buys accordingly.

A lot has been said of late about character and identity, and the club not only finding theirs but also enforcing it in the same way like clubs like Manchester United, Arsenal, Inter Milan and Barcelona do. Now there is a lot that goes into the identity of a team, and Chelsea has been seen as not having an identity which I don't think is entirely true. In fact, part of the problem that the manager has been facing is that the formation he wanted to play (the diamond) did not fit with the way the team played. Granted a formation does not define the way a team plays but it does facilitate it. Arsenal's fluid and attacking style of football probably wouldn't work in anything but a 4-3-3, and while Barcelona have recently tried to play more of a 4-4-2 with Messi playing off Ibrahomovic and the left back moving into the wing while being supported by the third midfielder, their predisposition towards zonal pressure and compact team movement means it is actually more of a 4-2-3-1. In the case of Barcelona, their identity is based on attacking and fluid football which is unobtrusively obsessed with possession, and because everyone from their center halves to their strikers try to play inside the penalty area no formation could ever curtail or expand their desire to score as many goals as possible.

Chelsea have, for a while now, been based on the Dutch attacking 4-3-3 system with an extremely strong midfield, a lethal striker and creativity and pace coming off the wings and fullbacks. Mourinho's obsession with controlling the game meant that they often let their opponents make the first and changed accordingly to ensure that they first neutralised their opponents in the most clinical way possible, and then won the game by making their attacking gameplan work. This obsession also meant that the team were always focused on balance too, and that is probably one of their greatest strengths.

Now, the Anchovy is attempting to change this to a certain extent in that he is trying to inject more creativity and flair into midfield and in doing so the team are playing more attacking football. And this is great because it also means that the team are far more balanced in their general movement. He is also trying to get the attacks to start from the back, and the defence to start from the front and has made the entire team move more which means that they stay more compact. But this has only worked to a certain extent and the truth is that in order for this to work effectively the team need to buy a few more players who will fit into the new style of play.

But one can only buy when one knows how the team will line up in the future, and that is directly affected by who is currently available and how they line up. In the past I have spoken about the conundrums that Chelsea need to solve before the team can move forward: Anelka and Drogba, Malouda and Lampard and finally Joe Cole. But these can only be solved once a formation has been decided: Diamond or Dutch 4-3-3. And before this is decided it would be prudent to examine who the team will be inheriting from the youth academy, which is hoping to become as prolific as Barcelona's in the future.

So, who will be becoming available shortly?
Gael Kakuta - A number 10 attacking midfielder able to play on the wings or behind the strikers. He caused a lot of hype and has looked to be brilliant but I guess only time will tell if he does live up to his hype. Looking like he will though. Will be in the squad next season.

Daniel Sturridge - Bought from Manchester City this season and is looking to be a great leading man. Strong, fast and powerful, makes direct and driving runs like Drogba does and is not afraid to shoot. Has already scored a few goals in the FA Cup, and is also English. Not sure about him yet to be honest, but I think playing him on the right is a good idea because he's a left footed player.

Fabio Borini - He is Inzaghi. Plays off the last defender, clinical shot with great movement and link up play. I fear he may not be physically strong enough because he is quite young and small but that doesn't mean he can't make it. Should maybe play on the right wing moving inside, and shooting. Very fast with fantastic off-the-ball movement.

Marco Mitrovic - A tall and athletic Swede who is technically excellent. Bears a remarkable resemblance to Ibrahimovic, with fantastic movement up front. Leads the line exceptionally well, and brings others into the play. Still only 17, so given a few years he, Borini and Sturridge are quite possibly the future of Chelsea's attacking force. A rather daunting prospect for any opposition.

Nemanja Matic - Bought at the beginning of this season, Matic started out as a left sided central midfielder. He's rather strong and technically great. Moved by the Academy (at the Anchovy's request) to a holding role, he will be in the squad next season. And, I wouldn't be surprised if he steals Mikel's starting position because he is more comfortable going forwards as well as being strong sitting deep, passing and winning headers. And Essien-like player, on the left hand side I guess.

Jeffrey Bruma - Also going to be in the squad as of next season. A Dutch center half who started out as an attacking midfielder. Solid in defence and is very comfortable on the ball. Also rather good at free kicks, as his hero (apparently) used to be Gerrard. Looks to be VERY good and has already made a few first team appearances, with reasonable success.

Patrick van Aanholt - An attacking and technical left back. Went on loan to Newcastle for two months where he held down a position in the starting lineup. Has made two substitute first team league appearances and has looked a little reserved but still strong. Put in a few great crosses, and is a good defender. Likely to be in the squad next season, and played as a view to replace Ashley Cole eventually.

Connor Clifford - Plays on the left hand side of midfield, and is a fantastic central midfielder with a really high work rate. Scores a good number of goals, especially quite a few long range drives, with is really impressive. Currently the captain of the youth team. Strikes me as being similar to Lampard in that he does a lot really well, including attacking and defending. Probably only be in the team in a year or two.

Kaby - The perfect cross between Frank Lampard and Michael Essien, equally comfortable moving forwards and defending with a fantastic passing range. Enforces well, and in the youth team he and Clifford support McEachran to move in and out of space as required, while staying deep enough to cover for the overlapping fullbacks.

Josh McEachran - A wonderful 16 year old who has the same sort of attacking play as Kakuta. Brilliant at running a game from midfield. In the youth team he attacks from central midfield, and drifts from side to side playing defence splitting passes as well as moving into space to score. Fantastic left foot. Is also an English player, which is a major plus for the club. Will also only be in the team in a few years time, probably.

Jacopo Sala - A fantastic right footed attacking wing midfielder / striker. Very technically good. Fast, athletic and great with link up play. Tends to move inside to play off the striker.

Goukan Tore - Left footed attacking wing midfielder / striker. Also technically good with an equally matched propensity to drift inside and link up with the striker. Tall and strong, wins headers well.


Right, so after that we should consider how those players are used. The Academy play a 4-3-3 with three strikers up front, one leading the line and an attacking midfielder playing behind the striker, sometimes dropping off and bringing a central midfielder in and other times pushing forwards into the box. Everything runs through that player, with the wings moving inside and outside as they are played into space by the AM. There are two defensive / central midfielders playing on either side who cover for the wingbacks, both of whom are effectively midfielders who get forward and either cut inside or overlap to cross and link up play. The central midfielders and the center halves run the game while the outside players come forward and inside to attack.

This system seems to work rather well, partially because it is / was similar to what the club played in the first team and partially because it is very attacking with lots of emphasis on technical ability, tactical understanding and positioning and fast and decisive passing. These are the elements that the club's identity is based on. With this in mind the Anchovy needs to decide on a system for next season so he can buy and sell accordingly.

Now, at the beginning he wanted a diamond which worked for Drogba and Anelka and didn't work for Lampard, Malouda and Joe Cole. Deco seemed indifferent, and for the most part the fullbacks, center halves and holding midfielder were not affected. The system was then changed to a 4-3-3 which worked for Lampard, Malouda, Joe Cole, Drogba OR Anelka (meaning not both at the same time) and again the defence was not affected. Then the system was altered a bit to be more of a 4-2-3-1 and this worked for everyone including Deco but excluding the holding midfielders (because they are required to play more like central midfielders) and Drogba OR Anelka.

Now, the temptation to revert to the diamond is once again raised because it clearly was the Anchovy's preferred system at Milan, and what he wanted at Chelsea. But the truth is that it was never going to work because of the players he has. At Milan the Anchovy played a Deco style player at the base of the diamond who sprayed passes around with no pressure on himself because he sat so deep. Then there were two attacking wing players who moved out wide to cross, and moved inside to defend. The fullbacks overlapped to create additional width but retreated into their own halves at the first sign of danger. There were two target men in the box, and an attacking midfielder played behind them to link the midfield when the wing players were being pushed back, as well as to create a threat from deep. Kaka performed this role perfectly.

Problem is that there are not enough of the right type of player at Chelsea to do that. They do have two fantastic strikers, but no one to play behind them, only one player can sit deep and distribute (Deco) but his propensity NOT to defend is a problem. Malouda can operate from deep and move outside, but there is no one to do this on the right hand side. To be honest, I think it would take too much adjustment to play this formation because it would mean bringing in another left sided attacking winger, two right sided attacking wingers, hope that Joe Cole can regain form and play behind the strikers with Kakuta being the backup, and something drastic would have to change with players possibly working at the base of the diamond. And then you would be leaving Lampard and Ballack out which would be a problem. And then the youth team has a lot of players who may not be able to fit into this formation...

The most viably option seems, in my opinion to play the 4-2-1-3 formation that the youth team are already playing. That way players will come through and slot perfectly into their positions, with the experience current players are providing. It is, of course, his choice and so I will outline what I think is a problem and then who should be brought in to fix the problem.

Goalkeepers:

The truth is that while Cech is great and Turnbull looks like a good number three goalkeeper, Hilaro is also a number three goalkeeper. And Chelsea need another number one goal keeper to compete with Cech for his starting position. I would bring in someone who can play as a number one and push Cech for his position. Chelsea have a few young keepers but I don't know if any of them are good enough. For that reason I would suggest releasing Hilaro and bringing in Igor Akinfeev who is a fantastic keeper playing for CSKA Moscow. I'm sure with Abramovic's connections he could make a deal happen.
- Cech, Akinfeev, Turnbull

Defence:

In terms of defence, the team are pretty solid. I don't think Terry is going anywhere anytime soon and I think Carvalho will be used less and less over the next season or two but will most likely stay on for a while. Ivanovic is fantastic, and plays in the center or on the right and Alex is, in my opinion, much better than Terry or Carvalho. In fact, I'd like to see Ivanovic and Alex played in the center and see what happens. And with Carvalho with one foot out the door, and Bruma coming through the central defence is well populated.

Left back is sorted with Ashley Cole and Yury Zhirkov being, in my opinion, two of the best left backs in the world. In fact, I think that will be excellent because I think that Zhirkov will be pushing A Cole for his position all the way and that is fantastic. And of course there will be van Aanholt pushing for a position in the starting lineup. I would not be surprised to see Zhirkov played in midfield a few times just to make space for van Aanholt.

Right back is a bit of a problem. With no youth coming through the current options are Bosingwa, Bellitti and Ferriera. Now, I would like to see Bellitti go on seen as his contract is pretty much up, and I am not sure the club would kepe Ferriera on. At the very least they need to bring another young right back in, and if they don't let Ferriera go they need to bring a very good 20 - 23 year old in. No clue who though to be honest but they need to do some shopping around.
- Zhirkov, A Cole, van Aanholt
- Terry, Alex, Ivanovic, Carvalho, Bruma
- Bosingwa, Ferriera, (young right back)

Midfield:

Midfield will consist of two central midfielders and an attacking midfielder. If we assume that the younger players are coming through well, then there isn't too much buying to do. If the Anchovy decided to buy and play someone and Kakuta in the attacking midfield position then the other two positions can be filled by Lampard, Ballack, Essien and Mikel who are currently in the first team. Nemanja Matic will be coming through and I think he may well steal Mikel's position from him but the risk is the age gap between Lampard and Ballack and Connor Clifford and Kaby. If the two of them can start coming through (with Josh McEachran making a few appearances too) then the midfield will be extremely strong. Otherwise it will be stretched thin. I think a wise buy for the 'someone' would be Rafael van der Vaart. He is more disciplined than Joe Cole but could also play on the right wing, he would be a good playmaker at the right age and with him and Kakuta in midfield the strikers would be extremely difficult to stop.

- Lampard, Ballack, (Clifford), (Kaby)
- Essien, Matic, Mikel
- van der Vaart, Kakuta, (McEachran)

Forwards:

I would keep Malouda on the left and alternate between playing Drogba and Anelka in the center depending on what you are looking for with Joe Cole on the right. Between the central striker, wings and attacking midfielder I think there would be plenty of chance creation going on. I have left out Kalou's name on purpose: I think the team should sell him. He is erratic and probably not good enough anyway. With Sturridge and Borini in the squad there is plenty of firepower in terms of creativity, pace, power and precision up front. And of course Mitrovic is coming through to be able to take over from Drogba and Anelka as the man to lead the line with Sala and Tore available in a year or two to take over from Malouda and Joe Cole as 'creative', attacking midfielders supporting the striker(s).
- Malouda, Borini, (Tore)
- Anelka, Drogba, (Mitrovic)
- Joe Cole, Sturridge, (Sala)

In the end I'd go with the 4-2-1-3 which facilitates tactical flexibility, strong attacking football with a high tempo and direct and quick passing, and most importantly is balanced. Basically, Chelsea's identity.

Manchester Untied vs Chelsea

So, the Anchovy faces rather a conundrum. Anelka and Drogba. The entire team play super well with Anelka up front, and the team play fairly well with Drogba up front. But with Drogba in the center and Anelka on the wing things don't go well. They don't really have anyone to play behind the strikers, and they can't afford to leave Malouda out which means the best bet is to go with the standard 4-3-3, and either Drogba or Anelka in the center, Malouda on the left and Joe Cole on the right.

United like to counter attack, and they seem to prefer playing three in the middle, with an attacking midfielder / trailing striker, which means that Chelsea need to be very disciplined in midfield, and Mikel is going to have to cut out as much of the ball going to the attacking midfielder as possible. Fullbacks are, of course, going to have to stick with the wings tightly, because a lot of play seems to come off them and into the striker, who is likely to be Berbatov.

Now, Berbatov is a fantastic striker but he has the lowest work rate in the world and he doesn't seem to be particularly physical. He also doesn't score many long range driving shots. He does, however, have an amazing first touch and a wonderful pedigree, and with wing players who cross well and an attacking sweatshop named Park behind him to feed him in the box, there's every chance his first touch will make sure his second touch buries the ball.

So, what's the game plan? Well, I have an idea as to what I'd do...

First, to deal with Berbatov I would push my center halves up the pitch. Chelsea like to play with the defenders about 10m further forward than anyone else in Europe, which means that they have a compact team movement, but I would say that they need to do that and possibly a little more to make sure that Berbatov not only has to work much harder off the ball but it will also force him into taking long range shots which are not his forte. Mikel will need to have a game like the one he did against Aston Villa, where he was moving across the pitch a lot to cut out passes, so that he can isolate Park. And he'll have to make sure he keeps an eye on Fletcher too, who likes to get forward when he can.

Chelsea's fullbacks are going to need to be careful. If Zhirkov is caught out of position Valencia will punish him, and we know that Nani likes to cut inside a lot. He can't cross though, and Valencia likes to stay outside for the cross. So, the fullbacks will need to push them up the pitch, and then make sure they keep them on the outside to make sure Nani is forced to cross rather than come inside, and Valencia is forced to cross too late or cut inside on his weaker left foot.

I think if Lampard plays forward, and behind the central striker, he will be able to not only close down on Carrick / Scholes but he will also be able to create for the front three strikers. And Ballack or Deco are going to need to have a rather high work rate, and move the ball quickly.

As for the really difficult part, I have a solution which may not seem obvious and hasn't been tried before, but I think it would work: Malouda - Anelka - Drogba. Malouda is playing so very well this season, he will have lots of space to exploit against Neville down the left wing especially because Neville tends to drift inside towards midfield. I'd put Drogba on the right because he really is a big game player, and his propensity to move centrally will come out irrespective of if he is actually in the center or not. So putting him up against Evra, who attacks too much anyway, means that not only will he have space to move, he'll be able to come inside and lose his marker. It also means that rather than being double marked by the two centre halves, he'll only have a fullback to deal with. And I'd play Anelka up front because his movement is just terrific, he strikes clinically when you lest expect it, and when he moves outside he crosses exceptionally well.

With those three up front, particularly with Anelka bringing Malouda and Drogba inside, and Lampard trailing and pouncing on anything in the box that is lose, I think Chelsea will be able to stretch United thinner than they'd hope.


This is also a forerunner for what I'd like to see Chelsea do next year with an attacking midfielder running the show, and three strikers moving and playing off midfield and each other to demolish defences. And with two second strikers and a target man playing in a second striker role, the line will not be so much led as drawn.

The Hard Line

There has been a shit load of talk about Chelsea since their defeat to Inter Milan at Stamford Bridge. Some saying the team are old and beginning to look like AC Milan currently do, others saying that Roman Abramovich is about to reinvest a massive amount of money. Some saying that The Anchovy's days are numbered, but most of it is transfer speculation. And a lot of it is stupid.

I think that if we've learned anything this season it is that you can't buy success. Real Madrid are perfect evidence of that, and I have no doubt that this lesson has not been lost on anyone at Chelsea. But I do think that the other thing which must be learned is that a team will only perform when they have one leader, and when the team is formed and built by that leader. Inter were rubbish last year, and it was mostly because they were not Mourinho's team. On Tuesday, the following players who were bought this season played: Eto'o, Milito, Pandev, Sneijder, Lucio, Materazzi and Motta. Six of those started while Materazzi was a substitution late on. This is the reason Inter look so strong this year, they are Mourinho's team. Just like Chelsea were.

Now, while it is true that consistency is vital to any team, there also has to be progression and growth and this is the key element which has not been present in Chelsea. I personally think this is because there have been too many coaches, all trying to make their stamp by buying players. As they say, too many cooks spoil the broth. For example, Nicolas Anelka. He is a wonderful striker who is too good to leave out of the team, but he is being played out of position and is subsequently only about a third of as effective as he could be. So, for it to work he and Drogba need to be played up front together, rather than Anelka being left out wide. But this requires a third player to play behind the strikers and while Deco played very well in this position at the beginning of the season he picked up injuries and his form dropped. With Joe Cole being injured and then out of sorts, the only options were Lampard and Malouda.

Both were rubbish. And both were fantastic in a different position, which brings in another conundrum: Malouda. He plays so well out wide on the left hand side, and is only average from central midfield, you have to play him up front. Which means Anelka and Drogba can't play as a pair, and subsequently means Anelka on the right wing. The only other option is a straight 4-4-2, but Malouda plays best as a 'second striker' on the left, and even if he were to be pushed back there is no one to play on the right wing.

There are just too many problems with personnel, and this is because there has been no single leader over the last two years. Grant bought Anelka, Scolari bought Deco and wanted Robinho while Hiddink bought Zhirkov (not directly, but you know what I mean). No one knows who bought Turnbull or Sturridge. Sure the core of the team is still there, but the core of the team is Mourinho's and no manager will ever get them to do what he wants them to do because of that.

The other thing I think has been, and is still a major problem within the team is the fact that because they've been leaderless they have needed to create a leader and that leader has been John Terry. Power has shifted from the manager to the players and this is not healthy. Mostly because as a result of scandal surrounding Terry and others, the players have become divided.

So, what's the solution? Well, I think that this is a time for courage. That sounds dumb but what I mean by that is The Anchovy needs to have the owner's backing, and then needs to take a critical look at the team and make some difficult decisions which will probably be very unpopular with a lot of people. I don't know what he will decide but there are three things I'd do, and then there are a few players I'd buy.

First thing I'd do is sell Didier Drogba. The players seem to think they are invincible and Drogba's bad example in the Champion's League can't be tolerated. He seems to be well respected, so if they hit him everyone in the team will be scared. But the biggest motivation behind his sale is simple: The team play better without him. During the ACN Anelka led the line, Malouda played on the left and Joe Cole on the right and the team ripped Sunderland seven new ones, tore Birminham City (best defence in the league at the time) to bits and crushed everyone else they came up against. With Drogba the team seem to be one dimensional, but with Anelka leading the line they have far move movement up front and the team really do just look better in general.

Second thing I'd do is sell John Terry. He's caused a lot of trouble with this whole Wayne Bridge sex scandal shit, and I think he's divided the dressing room. He also has too much say, in my opinion, and by getting rid of him The Anchovy would not only scare a lot of players but would also draw a line in the sand. And let's be honest, Terry's form has been awful of late. Alex is a better defender, and Ivanovic is just as good an attacker. I'd replace Terry with Ivanovic and let Carvalho or Alex follow his lead in the same way they currently follow Terry's.

Third thing I'd do is give the players an option. If they don't like what's going on they can leave. If they're prepared to stick around and be successful and win for the club then they need to follow the manager's lead. I'd also have a stern chat with Ashley Cole, and ask him if he would like to clean his act up and stay or leave now.

After that it is a case of choosing a formation and how Ancelotti wants the team to play, and then responding accordingly. I know how I would like them to play, and who I'd buy but it really is up to him. Personally I'd like to see a 4-2-1-3 formation and with that in mind I'd bring another goal keeper in, and sell Hilaro to push Cech for his number one spot. I'd replace Terry with a center half and possibly sell Carvalho. I'd buy another world class right wing(back) and possibly replace Ashley Cole depending on what he decided to do. I'd keep Essien and Mikel for the holding role, because I don't think Mikel is anywhere near as bad as people seem to think he is (there has been a lot of talk about him being sold). I'd buy another central midfielder because I think that Lampard and Ballack together can play 60 games a season, but they can't make an entire season each. I'd get rid of Deco because he's only been trouble since he arrived, and I'd bring another attacking midfielder in. Then I'd sell Drogba and Kalou and I'd bring in three strikers. Currently the team have four strikers to fill six positions (assuming you want two players per position on the field) but I'd play five for six so that there is space for the younger players to come in but not too much pressure on them to perform.

I would love to bring in David Villa, Sergio Aguero and either Angel di Mara or Miroslav Stoch. Stoch is of course one of the club's current young players on loan in Holland but I don't know how good he is. If he's as good as Angel di Mara then yes, bring him through. Otherwise sell him. I'd like the club to play three central strikers with a lot of movement across the front three, a holding midfielder and a central midfielder with an attacking midfielder moving around to feed the strikers, a static centre half pairing and overlapping wingbacks.

This is of course all my own speculation but we'll see what happens. What we do know is that The Anchovy needs the team to play the way he wants them to and based on his old Milan team and the way Chelsea played while Deco was performing that involved decisive passing, tactical positioning, fluid and fast attacking with disciplined and compact movement. It's up to him as to how he'll achieve that.

Inter Milan 3 - 1 Chelsea FC

Last night Inter Milan knocked Chelsea out of the Champion's League. I'm not angry though because this was not an injustice, like it has been in the past. In fact, I can not be angry because Inter played the way I want Chelsea to play. To be honest, Inter played exactly the game plan I said Chelsea should play for the game. They played 3 central strikers, overlapping wingbacks, an attacking midfielder, a holding midfielder and a central midfielder; a 4-2-1-3. They strangled Cheslea by breaking up midfield play and pushing Anelka and Malouda back, and double teaming Drogba. It was the perfect game which they won by my favorite score line: 3-1.

So, what went wrong? Man for man Chelsea are a better team but last night they were made to look like a bunch of has-been 30 year olds lacking the energy to find the shadows of Inter Milan. Well, they didn't lose tactically. The Anchovy had a decent game plan: play the fullbacks further back, to create stability for midfield, and allow Malouda and Anelka to push forward, Mikel moves 10 yards forward to restrict Sneijder's involvement with the attacking players, Ballack and Lampard mark Cambiasso and Motta and Drogba leads the line.

There was a plan, the team just didn't follow it. In fact, I don't think they wanted to. They were so affected by the fact that they were playing their mentor that they never got out of the "Welcome home" phase. As a result I don't think I saw a single Chelsea player win any individual battles. Every time they went in for a challenge, they lost. Every time Chelsea had possession it was messy and uncontrolled, as if they lacked their confidence in their own ability to beat the opposition.

The truth is, Chelsea haven't yet recovered from losing Mourinho and last night was perfect evidence of that.

The second major problem that was highlighted by last night was Chelsea's lack of options. True, they have a lot of injuries and this limits their options, but there were no real substitutions to make and the options that were available were fairly meaningless. Chelsea took Zhirkov, their least impressive defender, off in order to move Terry out to mark Pandev, Alex to stay with Milito and Ivanovic to stay with Eto'o and then put Kalou up front next to Malouda. They also took Ballack off in order to play a faster, more attacking player there and their only option was Joe Cole. These substitutions were a failure. Joe Cole is not in form and as an attacking player he simply didn't defend enough, and Kalou was left as helpless as the rest of Chelsea's attack simply because the problem was in midfield.

Chelsea were one dimensional, and there was no way to rectify the situation.

The biggest problem which was highlighted was that the Chelsea which played last night was not Carlo Ancelotti's Chelsea. They did not play with his DNA, he did not have the options he would have wanted, but most importantly they were not entirely committed to him. They were torn between the reminder of their victory days with Mourinho, and the attacking, decisive minded play The Anchovy demands. They are not his team and there is a lot of work yet to happen before this will be the case. Chelsea need to buy, and sell, quite a few players. They need another goalkeeper and at least one more center half, another holding midfielder, another central midfielder or two and possibly two or three strikers. They need to be about 24 years old, so that they can bridge the gap between the older, current players and the very promising up and coming players in the Chelsea Academy. They need to play the 4-3-3 system the club is built on, but with the balanced attack that Milan had, based on technical brilliance and commitment. They need his DNA, in the same way Inter have the Special One's DNA.

Trawling

As a frequent internet trawler I have noticed that there has been a lot of opinion sharing about Joe Cole. As a football fan as well as a Chelsea fan I think he is a fantastic player. In his best season (two seasons ago) he played on the right hand side of a three prong attack at Chelsea, getting into double figures for goals as well as assists. He is well known for being a very good ball carrier and being able to create opportunities and bringing strikers into the mix. He has, of course, struggled since coming back from injury and as a result there have been a lot of people saying he should leave the club, others saying he should take a contract which is below what he wants so he can stay, and most people just being disappointed in his current form.

Personally I would really like to see him stay at the club, but be utilised in a different way. At the moment The Anchovy has been playing Cole behind the striker or strikers, usually on the left hand side. Initially this took the form of being at the tip of the diamond formation, but has since been changed to being on the left hand side with another striker, usually Anelka, playing on the right hand side. While I favor a formation with three central strikers, I do think that Joe Cole could be used deeper in central midfield where he can drift outside as well as play more as an attacking midfielder, which is what he is.

By playing in front of a holding midfielder and next to Lampard he would be required to work harder and move more like a box to box midfielder, but with his natural propensity to drift outside, as well as attack, and his ability to not only hold the ball up but also to thread passes together, playing behind three central strikers would allow him to attack (provided one of the strikers dropped deeper to cover) as well as move outside and play with the fullback while still being able to feed strikers and get into goal scoring positions.

Having said all of this, that position would only work if Chelsea were playing three central strikers. These are the strikers I would like to see being played and appropriately rotated: Drogba, Anelka, Malouda, Kalou, Sturridge, Borini, Mitrovic. I think Marco Mitrovic reminds me of Zlatan Ibrahimovic, and he could become a fantastic technical striker. I think it will be interesting to see what happens when Miroslav Stoch returns from loan, as he is proving to be a wonderful left wing striker, and I think Chelsea NEED to aquire Romleu Lukaku because he would be amazing. Gael Kakuta will also be an amazing right wing feeder, but I think Chelsea should play him in the same way as I would like to see them play Joe Cole, hence his exclusion from the above list.

Solutions

Chelsea are in trouble. They have two big problems at the moment, and both have the potential to derail the teams efforts to successfully, and in my biased opinion deservedly, win the Champion's League, FA Cup and Premier League. The first problem is simple to identify and potentially dangerous to rectify, and is completely based around John Terry's recent activities.

We all know that he recently had an affair with Wayne Bridge's ex fiance, and it is clear to see that his form has taken a massive dip since the news came out and the entire world started giving everyone their opinion on the matter. I personally don't care what he does off the pitch, but the fact that it has affected his performance is a problem. He needs to be dropped for either Alex, who seems to be suffering from perpetualy 'niggles', or Ivanovic who is playing at right back a lot at the moment.

Unfortunately this will not solve the problem because it seems to be running much deeper than that. The team lack confidence. Against Inter Milan, Chelsea had more opportunities, more possession, more shots on goal but less goals. Granted Kalou should have earned a penalty, but they should have won the game not just drawn. Against Manchester City, Chelsea were by far the overwhelmingly superior team during the first period, but again failed to bury their chances. When a striker doesn't score, it isn't because he can't, it's because he loses concentration or nerve at the last moment. It's because they lack confidence. And it isn't just Anelka lacking confidence, or Drogba, or Kalou, or Lampard or Ballack or Malouda, or Sturridge, or anyone else. It is the entire team.

And this is resulting in the team not scoring when they should, as well as losing 50/50 battles, and subsequently making individual errors which are resulting in goals. It is also creating an upset with the back line, and this is exposing the goalkeepers. Cech was managing the backline to a certain extent, but Hilaro is the substitute and isn't as authoritative. And it is showing. It could cost the team everything if The Anchovy doesn't do something about it.

I don't know what the answer is. I don't know if the club need to strip Terry of the captaincy, and pass it along to Joe Cole or Lampard, or if they need to have some sort of dressing room tear up, or if someone just needs to have the shit beat out of them, but something needs to happen. Personally I think that Terry has had too much say for too long now, and needs to be taken down to size, but whatever happens it needs to happen now because the team have been spiralling downwards since the story broke, and there's no sign of improvement yet.

The second problem is far more complex and far less explosive. It is tactical, and a clinical decision needs to be made. At the beginning of the season Chelsea were playing the diamond, with Lampard at the point, and it didn't work. Then they moved Deco into that position, and it worked better. Then they dropped Anelka back to play the 'Christmas Tree' and it seemed to be doing quite well. But then the team became too predictable and there was a month where they were struggling a lot. Then against Fulham Ancellotti changed the formation to what I suggested at the beginning of the season, playing three central strikers with one withdrawing to create and the fullbacks attacking and playing like wingbacks. A zonally dense 4-3-3. It worked and Chelsea won the game. After that game, the African Cup of Nations withdrew Drogba, Kalou, Essien and Mikel from the squad and Chelsea changed the system again.

Anelka lead the line, and Chelsea played the Christmas tree again, but with the two withdrawn strikers moving out onto the wings, playing alongside Anelka, creating and allowing not only the fullbacks to attack but also smooth and quick interchanging with the midfielders. The new system created lots of space to stretch teams, and Chelsea beat everyone during January. It worked very well.

But with Drogba's return things became far more difficult once again. Anelka is a central striker. Drogba is a central striker. This could be problematic. And now a decision needs to be made. The system has been played as a 4-3-3 with Drogba up front and the wings made up of Anelka, Malouda and on occasion Joe Cole. Against Inter Milan the team played well with the three central strikers again, two withdrawn to create from deeper and move around. Personally I think it worked well and would like to see them go with that formation, but I also think the diamond could work too. Particularly because I think Anelka plays best when he is in the center. Either way, a straight 4-3-3 isn't going to work, and currently isn't working.

Chelsea either need to go for a 'balanced' approach and play the diamond with Joe Cole and Malouda (and Kakuta) withdrawn. Or they need to go for the formation I favour, and would prefer, with Anelka, Drogba and another (Malouda, Joe Cole, Sturridge, Kakuta, Borini etc) playing centrally, working their way outside and dropping deep as required to create spaces and kill the opposition.

These problems need to be sorted out this week. If they don't, United will win the Premier League, Inter Milan will win the Champion's League and only the Lord knows who will win the FA Cup.

Fuel

One of the things that I value the most, and that I want the most to find in other people is integrity. Internal consistency and the drive and desire to ensure that this is present and stable across every aspect of a persons' life. This is what drives every inquisition I embark upon. It is what invokes my hatred and what sustains my love. It is what justifies my ruthlessness and what absolves my guilt, and without these unobtainable standards I would not be able to hate myself or love others.

I don't know if anyone else does this, but every time I feel an emotion I freeze. My life is stopped in its tracks as I examine the intricacies of my reasoning: its logic, its motivation, its objective. And if I find that the course of action I am considering is in any way influenced by a strong emotion I almost always put an end to the action all together because I am so afraid of acting out of emotion, and impulse.

The truth is that I view emotion as erratic and for the most part, something to detest. They fly in the face of the characteristic which I desire and respect the most and as a result I condemn the decisions they bring about. But I know that emotion is an integral part of humanity, and there is no way to escape its influence in our lives. In fact, one would not want to escape its influence because that would leave you running forever towards a life you would hate anyway. A life devoid of momentary anything. And yet all this running has lead me into a life where I spend every moment in fear and anxiety, and this has caused me to not be able to view anything with any perspective. It has caused me to detest my feelings of pain and anxiety and it drives me to make decisions that will, without regard for the future benefits, deliver me.

I am stuck in a present which is so caught up in a quest for consistency that in order to ensure it, everything stands still. I live in anxiety, so scared that any decision I make will not be congruent with the rest of my life. So scared that I will hurt. So scared that I will progress emotionally. And the last time that happened I wanted to die so badly that I almost broke a promise I hoped I would never have to confront.

So now I am trying to move forward in a different direction, hoping that if I have a separate life running parallel it will be able to take a different course. One that has no history, one that will be different. But I am scared that it won't be different. I am scared that the DNA that has caused every other aspect of my life to behave in the way it has will be intrinsic in the direction I am now embarking upon, and it too will come to a dead stop as I refuse to move once again.

I have no goals, partially because I have no fuel anyway.

Rivers

Time flows past me like a strong current, lifting my consciousness and quickly pulling me in the direction it chooses. Fighting the momentum my body is accumulating pushes me under where my efforts are hidden from view. All I can do is relax and hope I float.

I don't know what I feel and I don't know how to combat it. This feeling is overwhelmingly familiar but the surroundings are different. What did I do last time? How can I make it stop?

Right now I am just holding my breath but I don't know what I am hoping for.

Someone to Blame

A single flash, the sign of being forgotten. The love I fixate upon is not forthcoming and the blame I dispense is neither warranted nor expendable. Has anything triggered this? Or am I just searching for a distraction? I look at the situation's symptoms for signs of life, and wish I could respond in a satisfactory manner. But the control I crave I deny with everything in me. I am sure this is what is sending the signal I detest.

Half sacrificing, half controlling. Manipulation. The sacrifice is discarded and the displays misconstrued and I am left alone: another cold day.

What do I let go of? What do I hold onto? How can my compromise lead to the relief required? And what of the pain inflicted? The world around me has turned gray, and my point of reference has fallen away. I have nothing.

I wish I had someone to blame.

The Lion in the World

Is this what my life has come to? An existence epitomised by clinical disdain for my surroundings. Contextualised by white letters on a black page that no one reads, and wouldn't understand. I will not be remembered for who I am because there are few who know what that looks like.

Letters do not exude character, and characters on a page is what I have been relegated to by myself, and my brain. The anxiety that enthralls my existence coerces my senses into a coma and I am left with the world outside my realm of understanding. I am the lion and the world is filled with people. Their response does not warrant my recoil but theirs is not warranted either.

All I want is the thorn to go away.

The Pyramid

I'm tired of hiding from my mind. It attacks me from the inside and my only defense is to run and find another dark hole to explore. It is like a pyramid, it's mistaken beauty as much the fault of the perceive as the liar, but the explorer is the one in true danger. Every door leads to another dark passageway, and as the torches burn the oxygen hope of an exit becomes more and more distant. The markings are as daunting as the prospect of backtracking, and the ripples a mistake would create will be echoed in eternity.

The air gets thinner and thinner, security becomes the enemy as the memory of the past becomes as imposing as the steps taken forward. The symmetry which was once thought of as a reference point lies more than it should. It's honesty more confusing to the teller than the hearer, and as the goal posts shift the plan to survive depletes fulfilled promises of their worth.

Maybe there is no exit. Maybe I didn't even enter. Maybe this is where everything has ever transpired. This is what I have been relegated to and there is no grace for relief.

The Walk in Hell

I despise myself for the promises I have made. My relief is never present and it's promises are an act of betrayal away. My integrity is worth more than the life it protects and less than the reward it reaps. I don't even know if I want the reward today.

If I could leave my loyalty at the door, and walk through hell I would. I am no longer alone but the call of the white light is far more appealing than ever before, and the tunnel grows shorter by the day.

Am I walking towards the light, or is the door behind me just closing? Will it ever open again, or will the light in front of me provide the freedom from expectation I crave? This middle ground has become a compromise between hope and commitment and neither is worth the work.

Contrast is a funny thing. Life has taken a turn for the better but it has also made the depths of my mind deeper and darker than I have ever experienced. It wasn't worth it before and the situation has maintained equilibrium.

Take hold of my hand, for you are no longer alone. Walk with me in Hell.

Repeating Yesterday

The past and what I remember are all melded with my dreams. My future is part of the present and subsequently inconsequential and vague. My consciousness is lost in the flood of my subconscious and the emotion which ensues only lasts as long as my energy survives. As quickly as it surfaced it sinks in to the murky trenches of failure and disappointment that makes up my perception of my efforts, and I am left with the bitter taste of guilt that I did not do more. Guilt's companion is self doubt but neither stays long enough to ward the numbness off for a consequential amount of time.

Emotion abandons me to intellect and I am left to question what today should be, what yesterday will be and what tomorrow won't become. The questions are secrets and the answers don't exist today. Like a flooded mountain, my character is hidden by the murky water and all that is left is a vacant reflection.

Humanity Lost

Humanity sold for an imagined experience. Respect lost by all parties involved. Your corpse is not worthy for the dogs to feed on. Even they realise that.

Your ideal is something your soul detests but your desire out weights your very character. Cunts and tits, their scent the driving force for the pain you inflict upon yourself. This self created obsession will never subside, its fire ever yearning for more of your fibre. Feeding it rots what is left of your being, but its worth had deteriorated beyond redemption. The remains of your soul choose not to resist the disappointment it now relies on.

You are less than nothing, and I am hurt by your condition. But the scarring pain is that which you cause the one I love. Their lives mean less to you than the body you sacrifice and for this you should never recover. Neither will I. I only pray they will.

Hate isn't enough to describe this. I am somewhere between screaming and crying.

God Forgive Me

I don't know what this is. I don't know what I feel; what the world around me looks like. I don't know how to respond to it and I wouldn't know what my response looked like if I acted.

"The world around me has taken a turn for the worst,
I'm left alone crawling through the dark.
Should I jump, should I stay, can I make another day?
Should I jump, should I stay?
I am the one who's wrong.
God forgive me"

I don't remember what is around me, and the memory of the light only serves to show me more darkness. The light which is present brings more uncertainty that the hope of a future and as it fades the certainty that none of this will pass becomes the hope a future should never provide. This hope has become part of what I am, and the fear it brings has defined my sanity for longer than I care to admit.

But at least I'm sane. This comfort afforded me is one I will never forget, but the comfort I will never be able to repay is the true tragedy. This comfort I speak of is the one of knowing I am not alone, that she is with me. I don't know what that means a lot of the time but the knowledge trumps any hope I could ever desire to experience.

And yet his darkness is worse, and the pain I cause unforgivable.

I will forget my darkness, and shun my light to stop this pain.

God forgive me.

First Encounters Assault Recon

I felt myself begin to break. I felt the stress and I saw the fractures turn into cracks. My mind began to exhibit the strain I struggled to hide from the people I never turn away from. I counted the days until my return to sanity and security, and when the number was up so was mine. Home had deserted me, its comfort has dissipated like the mist on a winter's morning leaving the bite of the cold, and all around me are the bodies of the battle urging me to press on. Has this work been in vain, or am I simply too selfish to give up on a dream I never carried as my own?

As humans we are told we can do anything we want, we are equal to all around us and we must choose our paths. We are told to celebrate our accomplishments as they are what defines us. But if we can all do anything we want, shouldn't we all be doing everything we can? I think that the thing that separates us from the people around us is not our accomplishments, but rather our fears. It is our fears that drive us in a direction because that is all we have left. It is the only way out and the only way in a direction we convince ourselves is forward. But publishing my fears is not what scares me. My failures are the things that I want to keep under wraps, they are the things that I want to keep away from the rest of the world. Because my failures are what show me and everyone around me that not only am I not moving forward, I'm not moving.

Maybe this is my fear.

Crude Honesty

"Artists use lies to tell the truth, politicians use them to cover the truth up."

There is something refreshingly honest about crudeness when it is a lie. I think people tend to hear things that are crude and write the person off as being an idiot, or not worth listening to. But those are the people who are being most honest. They are saying the things we all think but are too afraid to say, and they are the ones who we should be paying attention to.

But when those people's crudeness is a lie, that is when their true feelings come out. That is when their souls are exposed instead of their honesty cast out to the world, and therein lies the beauty of a lie. The perception their language creates is the defence their frail characters crave and the safe haven they run to when their need for vulnerability overtakes their terror.

I have a friend who really likes a girl. She really likes him but because of how things have worked out up until now they can't be together. Not now anyway. But they behave as if they are. The other day they were lying in bed watching tv. She was talking about something and he was sick of it. He turned to her and said "Can't you just shut your mouth and open your cunt."

She of course burst out laughing, and wrote it off as him being crude, but this was him expressing his soul's desire. He doesn't want to fuck her, but he does want to tell her he loves her. He wants to tell her how much he wants to be with her, and he can't do it. So he disguises his love in an attack.

But this attack is a lie, the words were a lie. The emotion was not. And I am convinced that her laugh was a lie too. But the interesting thing about a lie is that it provides the teller a picture of honesty they would have never come by any other way. The reaction and emotion invoked by the lie is what the teller is after. And that is worth all the stigma in the world.

Update

So, for those of you who don't know I have had a bit of a rough time of late, and I am still trying to figure out what is going on in my mind on most levels. But I have been writing quite a bit, but haven't put any of it up for two reasons.

The first is that what I have been writing of late has been rather morbid and dark, and people probably wouldn't be able to understand most of it without wanting me to be put under suicide watch or something so I thought that the best way to avoid a lot of misunderstanding would be to not communicate at all.

The second reason is that whenever I write something, before I put it up I read it a few times, and I decide if it is what I am wanting to communicate, as objectively as possible. But the truth is that when I am feeling emotionally thin and overwhelmed I struggle to objectify the things around me. So, I felt that I wouldn't be able to objectify what I had written, and rather than trying to and failing I just left it all.

But I don't know if this was the correct approach. So what I am doing now is putting up a lot of what I have written over the last few weeks because I always want push myself to continue writing and being honest with everyone around me. I have taken a lot of it out, because it was very dark, and I have also left quite a bit out because I didn't finish writing it. These are what is left after I finished, and I hope that you can gain a bit of insight into my mind and what I have been thinking, and I hope it will help you in whatever you are trying to figure out.

Jeb