The 31st of Another Month

Last day of the year, and if I'm honest it doesn't feel any different from any other day in this month. Not sure what other people are feeling, or if it's something I should be feeling, but whatever it is I've never felt it.

I understand the concept of New Year's Eve, and I understand the idea of having an out-of-control party to see the old year off and welcome the new one in but I've just never felt as if the previous year was bad and the new one is going to be better, which in most cases seems to be the reasoning for a massive party.

Now, that doesn't mean that tonight I'm not going to make a concerted effort to have a wonderful time with my friends, I just don't have any hope that next year will be any better than this year past, or the previous year, or the one before that. Come to think of it, I don't actually know what constitutes a good year.

I guess that the idea of a New Year gives people hope, particularly if they haven't done everything they wanted to this year, or if something eventful has happened which made the year bad. The New Year provides the misconception that we can all start over again and do better, that we can forget our past mistakes and learn from them without bearing their consequences, but that never happens does it?

No one ever walks away from any of their mistakes without feeling the repercussions thereof. And just because it's a New Year, doesn't mean you get a free pass. And if we're all honest I don't think that anyone really believes that we can all just walk away from a year of mistakes and look forward with the 'light' in our eyes.

So maybe New Year's Eve isn't about feeling anything at all. Maybe it's not about feeling hopeful or even having a good time. Maybe it's a time to lie to ourselves and each other, and for a brief moment we can forget about our mistakes and lie in hope.

So allow me to be the first person to lie to you: Happy New Year, this one will be better.

The Policy Of Honesty

Honesty is an interesting thing, and in my life I have always encountered people who tell me that the best thing to do is to always be honest and I agree. But is it really what we should be doing? Is honesty really the best decision in all circumstances? Or is it something that varies depending on the situation?

Many people believe that honesty is a relative thing, and its importance is relative to what is happening in the particular situation, and as a result people are often comfortable lying to a friend, or anyone for that matter, when they deem the information to either be detrimental to themselves or the other person. But if not being honest at all times damages your integrity is it worth it at the end of the day if you can say you were a good friend?

Example, I have an old friend, and he and his girlfriend were having a rough time in their relationship [this happened about 2 years ago] and I found out that his girlfriend tried to kiss another friend of mine, and not only that but she was interested in pursuing an affair with this friend rather than cultivating a relationship. I spoke to the secondary friend and he decided to not pursue any sort of activity with this girl and we also chose not to tell my friend because he truly loved this girl and would have been destroyed if he had found out.

To this day neither of us have said anything to the friend even though he has broken up with this girl, and I'm fairly sure that she did cheat on him with another guy. Now at the time we thought it best not to tell him, and at this moment in time I don't regret that decision, but at the same time perhaps we should have told him, bearing in mind that this reflected her character and he really was putting himself out there for her. Maybe we could have saved him some pain by telling him. I don't know, but at this point in time it still feels like it was the correct decision to have made.

So if we haven't experienced any negative consequences, was it the right thing to do? Or are consequences even something we should worry about when it comes to telling the truth?

These days I value honesty even more than I ever have, and the truth is that if I were in that situation again I would have a really torrid time trying to decide what to do because I believe that honesty is a direct reflection of my love and loyalty to a person. If any of my friends ask me anything I would not ever consider telling a lie simply because I choose to trust them and I know the truth will only strengthen our relationship.

At the same time, I don't know if it is the right thing to do at all times. I mean, where do you draw the line between discretion and lying to a person? Or honesty and speculation? I would rather err on the side of caution that damage a relationship because of speculation, which may or may not be true.

And another question, where is the line between concern and gossip? Is discussing concerns about another friend within a group of friends an act of deception? Or is it just a group of friends confused as to how to express their love for another in an appropriate way?

I think that honest is something that is very easy to manipulate to suite your needs, but when it is raw and from people with integrity it is something that can, and truly does create turmoil for the beholder of this often dangerous knowledge.

At the end of the day there are just so many questions and an equal amount of ways to be misunderstood. I do believe that honesty is the best way to avoid problems. If you are transparent it's a lot more difficult to be accused of anything, and that's my current view. It may change, and it is likely to evolve, but from where I am now the best thing to do is respect and love those around me, and be totally honest in all instances until I trust myself to make decisions that could not only affect my own relationships but others too.

Band Reviews: Oceansize

This should have come out on Saturday, but unfortunately for my readers I was busy giving moral support to my two friends Justin and Pierre, who were getting wonderful tattoos, which took most of the day, but at least it's here now so happy reading.

Oceansize are a wonderful Progressive Rock band from Manchester, England consisting of 5 members, namely Mike Vennart on guitar and lead vocals, Steve Durose playing lead guitar and backing vocals, Gambler on lead guitar and keyboards, Steven Hodson on bass and keyboards and Mark Heron on drums.

Being a prog band their songs are all quite long, with the average length being around 8 minutes of pure bliss, taking the listener on a scenic journey of melodic and smooth keyboard sounds, strong bass lines, unconventional time signatures punctuated with tight double kick and explosive cymbal fills, emotional lead lines and strong, driving rhythmic guitars.

This may sound rather overwhelming, but the beauty of their music is found in the fact that they have managed to put all of this in without bombarding the first time listener, and still rewarding the consumate fan who will listen to the songs over and over again, each time finding a new detail he or she had missed the first 30 times. Oceansize have succeeding with something Dream Theater have never been able to do, hiding their details.

You see with a band like Dream Theater, it is easy for a person to feel attacked by the amount of detail in every drum fill, or keyboard line, or guitar riff just because there is so much there. But with Oceansize it is completely the opposite, and in fact easy to misunderstand them as an above average rock band with long songs, which is certainatly not the case.

So other than hiding their brilliance really well, what else makes Oceansize worth listening to? Well, they have a wonderful way of blending melody with aggression by using vocal effects and distorted guitars, and while using this processing the sounds they choose are very natural, working well with every other modulator and effect in the song.

Another thing that sets Oceansize apart from many other band is how they are able to combine so many instruments together, and get them to work. The band has a rhythm guitarist, a lead guitarist, a keyboardist, a bassist and a drummer. Sometimes they even have three guitar parts and a keyboard part, bass and drums, so that makes things quite interesting.

Usually with a band, when they do that type of thing you lost perspective in the mid range, and the song ends up sounding messy, lose and unfocused. But in Oceansize's case they have perfected the art of writing music for each part around each other, so that the emotion of the song is communicated rather than just being flashy or technically intricate.

There's just too much to this wonderful band, and I could never effectively communicate what they are about or how they do it so well, you can only appreciate them fully when you give them a good listen, but not only once, you need to listen to each song more than once in order to actually get a good perspective of what they are doing. And I think you'll be plesantly surprised to be able to add another wonderful band to your collection...

Rome Bound Part 3

This post isn't strictly about Champions League, but Chelsea's form does directly influence their CL hopes, and their form hasn't been great of late. Or is it really that bad?

Well, this season Chelsea have the highest goal difference, highest goal scorer, have conceded the least amount of goals and have set a record for the longest string of away wins as well as the longest string of away games undefeated. And they are second in the log, certainly not a bad set of results, even if their form has been a little bad of late.

Having said that I do feel sympathetic for them. Besides the fact that they have had a list of injuries the length of Petr Cech's leg, they have a new manager and management team, and new players. Their form has been good, and given a chance I can't see it getting too bad any time soon. For me the thing to remember is this, if a team gets a new player it takes time to adjust to the style of play and if a player comes back from an injury it is similar to getting a new player. In this case the team have a whole bunch of recently fit players [at one state they had 11 injured players in the team] as well as a new management team, so things can't be expected to be all rosey from the word go.

Now I know that Chelsea are in the top ten clubs in the world at the moment, but come on let's give the players and management a chance. There's no point in calling for anyone to be fired at this stage, we've only just passed the half way mark in the season AND Chelsea are still second in the league. So relax a little.

I still stand by my original predictions for winners of various Leagues:

Champions League: Barcelona [with Chelsea doing REALLY well]
UEFA Cup: AC Milan
Premier League: Chelsea [although I think it'll be tight with Liverpool and United]
FA Cup: Liverpool
Carling Cup: Manchester United

Playing For The Reserves

Before I start this post I would like to apologise for not posting my band review yesterday. I went with some friends of mine to get their tattoos, and it was wonderful. But because I was out all day I didn't have any time to post. Sorry. Anyway, I'll post it tomorrow, for now I have something I want to write about, completely unrelated to any of the above events.

Last night I was chatting to some of my friends about my not having a girlfriend, and indeed never having one, and they are of the opinion that I should put myself as they say 'out there'. While I'm not sure if this is the right thing to be doing, I can say that my current approach is not working at all.

Here's my problem, because I think a lot I tend to eliminate girls from the 'radar' before they've actually even shown by finding things that aren't what I perceive to be compatible with my personality. And the truth is that in many cases not only am I wrong, but I'm jumping the gun and probably destroying something that could have been an awesome relationship. I need to give people a chance.

The only way to give people a chance is by actually putting yourself out there, and that's something I struggle to do because having faith in someone takes a risk, and growing that relationship is a lot of work, which isn't a problem if you're willing to invest in a person but I tend to write girls off before I can decide that they're worth the investment of my time, emotion, effort and all those other good things.

So it seems that the answer to this predicament is to take a few risks, and actually allow myself to potentially be hurt. This is not something I'm keen on doing, but something that I suspect is necessary. I do however have a few problems.

First is finding someone I'm willing to do that with. I have fairly high standards and expectations and I don't know if those expectations will ever be met. I also don't know if they are even reasonable expectations. For example, I am probably looking for a woman who is either my age or slightly older, but is willing to go one with a guy who has almost no idea of what a girlfriend expects or wants, and while I am eager to learn it will take time so she will probably have to be a little patient in that regard. Now where the hell am I going to find a woman who is willing to do that, let alone meet all of my other random requirements of being intellectually engaging, attractive, stylish, interested in philosophy, music, art and currents events etc?

Second is breaking out of the friendship stage. I know that I need to actually take a risk, but when do I do this? Do I wait until I'm fairly certain that it's a wise risk to take? Or is it something I should just do when it feels right? Is it something you do at will, or is something you do to last? I heard about a guy who is a respected Christian, and he had 'been with' more than 17 girls in one year. For me that's just reckless, and wrong. But is that what guys do? Is that what I should be doing?

And if I do leave it until we're friends, is that a problem? I know of guys who say you can't break out of that friendship stage but is that really true? Is that a problem? Or can that be worked around?

The other thing is finding a girl who isn't a 'church girl' but is also saved. The church girl vibe really doesn't work for me, and in fact I'm finding more and more that the church is filled with screwed up people who lie and try to project the image that all is well and they are perfect. I hate it, and would hate to end up dating a girl who is trapped in that type of thinking.

So do you think that I will ever get what I'm looking for? Or am I likely to spend too much time looking and end up being disappointed for the rest of my life? Maybe I should just make a move and wait to see what happens, after all I have almost no idea of what a relationship entails or how it will unfold...

What's your experience with relationships? Are they good? Or do they tend to disappoint? Have you ever found what you're looking for, and did you like it when you found it? Is it what you should have, or is it actually bad for you? What's your opinion?

Competition

Competition is something that I've never enjoyed, in fact I've steered clear of sport in general simply because of the fact that people are so competitive about it. It just doesn't make sense to me to get upset with someone else over something as trivial as a board game, or a football match. In fact I don't really like being upset with other people at all.

And yet, in my circle of friends almost everyone is competitive and in Donovan's case, simply enjoys competition. To me, people tell themselves that competition is to give them something they can feel good about, but from what I've seen people just like to find a reason to lift themselves above other people. And that idea doesn't work for me.

You see, in competition a person is reduced to a moment in time. At that moment, everyone is equal and your past is disregarded and if you are unlucky enough to lose you are discarded and seen as a failure and outcast. But with anything in life, there is so much more than any moment in time, and trying to reduce someone to a single moment is absurd.

You see, being competitive isn't really a problem, and having a winner and a loser isn't a problem either, but people investing too much emotionally in the outcome of a game is a big problem. And in my experience, that is almost always the case. The other thing I hate about competition is a bad loser [yes Matthew, I'm talking about you]. For me, if you are going to play any game, there is a risk of losing, and if you lose don't take it out on everyone else. When people do that I just want to give them the finger, for me it's almost as bad as people who get into a bad mood and then take it out on everyone around them.

Perhaps I've only seen the bad side of competition, where people throw a tantrum when they don't get their way, and when they do win they put other people down. In my experience there is very little of the good type though.

So what is the good type then? Well being able to detach yourself emotionally is an important part, and being able to treat winning and losing the same way, is imperative however being able to walk away and say you had fun either way is what's most important for me. If you're not having fun why the hell are you competing?

Now the question is, does this side of competition actually exist? Have you ever seen it? Or is it just something that exists in my head? This is the way I treat my support of Chelsea, but is it the right way? What is your experience?

New Adventures 18th - 25th [The Real Version]

Thursday

Thursday was a bit of a bad day for me. I woke up early because I had to do some stuff for my Mom, only to find that my car had a flat tyre. Not a good start. I did a bit of scratching around and eventually pumped the tyre up, and then did a bunch of stuff for my mom before coming home rather tired. I had about two hours before I had to be at Andre, my psychologist, and thought I'd get an hour of sleep. That didn't work out, as I slept thorough 2 alarms and missed the appointment. Never fun.

I felt really crap, and so my mom and I went out to get some coffee at this great place, and while I was there I got some terrible news about one of my best friends breaking up with his girlfriend. I decided that I needed to go over to his house to make sure he was ok, and later organised to go over that evening.

I got there and met up with some other friends, and because when you break up with your girlfriend you go out and get drunk, we knew what to do. I asked one of the parties, and he/she wasn't keen on his/her name being in this blog so I've come up with some rather original names. Tom [broken up friend], Dick [rather hairy friend] and Harry [rather short friend]. There were a few other people there, but these are the main ones.

Right, so Tom pulled out a bottle of 'Apple Sours', which was triple strength, and Tom, Dick and Harry all did two shots each [I couldn't drink on account of the fact that I was driving home], and that's when things went pear shaped. You see, Tom is a fairly resilient drinker but both Dick and Harry get drunk very quickly and after these two shots they were both drunk.

Then we played a bit of FIFA, and then the three of them did another two shots each. At this stage, Tom was drunk, Dick was about as drunk as I've ever seen him, and Harry was shouting at me to "Make another hub now!". To be honest, I just sat with my SoCo and lime, turning the music up. If things had stopped there, it would have been fine, but Dick and Harry decided that it was time to up the drinking and they started trying to get each other to down beers.

Then things started getting ugly, with Dick starting to lose his balance I had to run around with a cloth wiping up beer off pretty much everything in sight, including the printer, Persian rug and the bed.

It must have been about 22h30 when the other friends arrived back from Canal Walk, and things were really funny at this stage. Dick couldn't really stand at this point, because he'd downed three ciders, and it turned out that the shot glasses were double shots, so they had had 8 shots of triple strength Apple Sours, and Dick was pushing for at least another three ciders before he passed out. Harry on the other hand was still drinking, and was very drunk, shouting at everyone, and told me he wanted to have a wank.

Unfortunately for Tom, he was just feeling more and more depressed, so getting drunk wasn't making anything better. He had also stopped drinking because his world was spinning more than normal. But this lesson was lost on Dick and Harry who were going at it like there was no tomorrow.

I'm not sure exactly what order the following things happened but Dick told me he loved me and Harry continued to shout at me, before running to the bathroom and throwing up. He must have been caught between two minds, because he threw up in between the toilet and the basin, meaning lots of cleaning up. Then he sat with his pants between his ankles, hanging over the bath. He threw up for about 2 hours after that.

Dick fell into Tom's room, pouring cider all over the bed before I picked him up and took him outside, where he continued to pour his drink over everyone in the vicinity. Now, I don't mind cleaning up, but vomit is not my deal, so I just continued to care for Dick while someone helped Harry out.

Dick got more and more out of hand, and again I'm not sure about the order, but he fell over and crawled along the floor toward the fridge before almost pulling the fridge out of the socket and onto himself. I kicked him very hard in the arm and he still wouldn't let go. Then I smashed his head on the floor so he would let go of the drink he was pouring on the floor next to the plugs. Not a good idea

Eventually he passed out, and Tom drew all over him with a permanent marker. Then Dick threw up, and one of our friends had to turn him on his side so he didn't die. The evening ended with Dick lying in a puddle of vomit, passed out, Harry, sitting and throwing up into a bucket I emptied three times, and Tom still drunk and very depressed.

All in all, a less great time was had by all.


Friday

Friday didn't start well for me, as I only got to bed at about 3am, and needed to be up at 5am to fetch my uncle and his partner from the airport. Fetching them wasn't the problem, but being up after 2 hours sleep was, and I was fairly tired. It's been about 4 years since I've seen Barry, and about 2 years since I've seen Keith, my uncle, so it was really nice to see them again. After breakfast and then a snack at my gran's house I drove home and got some sleep.

Because the previous evening had been rather eventful we decided to do something chilled, and so we went through to Val's house for a visit. She's really cool, and so is her brother, Stevie, so I had a good time. We ate semi raw cup cakes which were much nicer than the fully made ones and then we had a very interesting chat with Derek, Val's step dad, or something like that. I'm not sure actually exactly what he is, but he's a cool guy nevertheless. We spoke about his outlook on life, and the fact that he believes that if YHVH / God is omnipresent the he is in all of us and we should just surrender to that fact and rather than trying to find anything we should just look inside ourselves because that is where all the answers are. I agree to some extent, in that I do believe all the answers to life's questions are found inside us, but I do also believe that his outlook has been overly simplified, and that there is a necessity for salvation through Y'Shua / Jesus.

Anyway, fun was had by me, and probably Derek too, but I think the other guys weren't sure how to approach it so they were fairly quiet. Interesting for me though. I love hearing other people's opinions.


Saturday

I'm not sure how it happened but we ended up going through to Corner Bar after I played a few games of DOTA in the afternoon to see a few bands. One of the bands was named 'The Plastics'. They were fairly good live, but they sound exactly like 'The Arctic Monkeys' and to be honest I would have had more fun if they had played Arctic Monkeys songs, but whatever. After them a band named 'Autopilot' came on, and they were fairly good. Very pop rock with a female vocalist and very melodic lead runs and solos. Their drummer was pretty good though, but he lacked a double pedal. Would have been much better with one...


Sunday

I can't remember anything special happening on Sunday, other than Jon and I playing DOTA.


Monday

Monday I helped Jon pack for going to the farm with my mom. The two of them went to stay with my mom's friend, Elizabeth, on her farm. Elizabeth is a very nice lady, who is quite a head mental actually, and she and her husband decided to buy a farm as an investment a few years ago, where they have sheep and chickens and other random animals. Every weekend they go out to the farm to make sure everything is still running, and after they've done some [very intense] work they relax and hang out. Elizabeth spends most of her time trying to convince me that I must go out to the farm which really isn't my idea of fun.

Anyway Jon, that's my brother in case you don't know, and my mom went to the farm for a few days. He had an awesome time because he loves the outdoors and working with his hands and braais and that type of thing.

Monday evening Cate, my ex father, and I went to visit Keith and Barry who are staying at my gran's house for dinner. It was nice to hang out and chat, but the truth is that Cate is the worst person around people, being rather an introvert, so I spent most of the evening talking about films and theater, two things I really love, so while it was weird to do most of the talking it was ok.

After the dinner we went home and then Donovan called me and we went with some friends to Pete's Post to watch some football. Chelsea were playing Everton, and if they had won they would have made it to the top of the log. Unfortunately that didn't happen on account of the referee being a head mental and giving yellow and red cards to almost every Chelsea player for mostly no reason.

There was also a man who was wearing mostly no clothes, but that's a story I think Tessa, Matt's girlfriend, should tell you.


Tuesday

Other than visiting Andre, my psychologist, I just read and DOTA'd.


Wednesday

Very mellow day for me, my mom and Jon got back home and then we hung out and played some more DOTA, and I read more. That's about it.

Family Times

I'm sure you'll agree that usually my blog is quite interesting and at times a little heavy, but because tomorrow is Christmas, today's will be really mellow even though I'm not celebrating anything.

Hope you all have a great day with the family tomorrow, and that you all get great presents. Enjoy the time with your family, you'll never really appreciate your family as much as you should. That's a lesson I've learned...

Anyway, have a great one.

The Top Of The Mountain

I hope my previous post made sense, after I'd typed it, it felt rather convoluted and messy so if you couldn't make top or tail of it just let me know and I'll type it up again. Guess they can't all be great posts...

Anyway, I started seeing a psychologist quite a while go, and he's a great guy who's helped me a lot over the last few years, but one of the things I'll never forget him telling me was that I spend too much time at the top of the mountain. You see, I think. A lot, about anything and everything, and one of the first things I dealt with in my sessions was the fact that I over intellectualize everything. He always used to tell me to relax. And for a while I forced myself to do that, but it's not who I am.

I'm a thinker, and in my opinion being a thinker is only a problem if you don't experience emotions. And in the past that has been my problem, but not today. These days I think I have a good balance between thinking and feeling, but I still get told I spend to much time at the top of the mountain.

I was talking to my psychiatrist and he said spending time thinking and questioning life and society is a good thing, but you need to also relax. He said I should drink more and smoke some pot. Now, I'm not likely to smoke pot any time soon, but I have been making a concerted effort to relax a bit more. Unfortunately for me, that means falling into mediocrity.

Today I met with Andre, my psychologist, and he said that I should be doing what 21 year olds do, which is drinking / smoking, hanging out with friends and working / studying. You see, I have extremely high expectations of myself, and so do my parents, and the fact that I'm 21 and still don't have any sort of degree really upsets them a lot, and at the moment I'm not doing anything because I'm not sure what field I should be working in, which upsets them even more.

But for me, if you're not pushing yourself forward you're wasting time. Andre reckons that I should be doing what ever other 21 year old does, and then wait a few years because invariably what you were doing has morphed and changed into a career, and by the time you're 35 you'll have some sort of career, and then you can look at things again. But that just doesn't seem right to me.

I don't know. Maybe my expectations are overly high. Maybe I should be normal, it seems to work for most other people. Maybe what I should be doing is just getting a dead end job and letting it run its course, who knows what will happen. At this point I'm feeling fairly hopeless, not knowing which way is right, which way is wrong. I want to do my best, but if my best means making the 'right' decision that's not really possible.

I guess being yourself is what you should be doing, but that never really works. Idealists tell you that you should be your own person, but society doesn't work like that, and in my experience you're hindering yourself by doing that. I'm just so tired of fighting, and there is no light in any of the tunnels, or so it seems. Which way is forward? Is that even the right direction?

So what do you think? Is waiting for a miracle the answer? Or is pushing forward the way to do? Do we need to live up to our expectations, or should we live and let life happen around us? Is mediocrity the answer to success, or is going against the grain the way to the top? Do you even want to be at the top? Maybe it's time we all went to the top of the mountain...

Becoming A Projection

Plato was a rather wise chap, and he said something that I think is fitting: The unexamined life is not worth living. Now, I've said some fairly important things in my life, but this is probably tops a lot of them off, simply because it is true for all situations.

Here's what I believe. I believe that everyone has a picture of themselves that they wish they were. Maybe you're really wealthy, or a confident person, or very talented, or clever, or witty but whatever it is we all have that picture in the back of our mind, and we use it as a yardstick when we judge ourselves.

Is this a problem? Or is it a part of life? Well, I think it's not only part of life, but can be a good thing or a bad thing. You see, change is almost always as a direct result of being unhappy with the current situation, and if you use this picture as a benchmark, and you're not living up to your requirements, there's likely to be some sort of repercussion.

Now, in the case of an unexamined life, namely one where the person has no idea where he or she stands and doesn't know how to make life any better, this would most likely be a bad thing. But in the case of someone who has examined their life, this could and in fact would most likely be a good thing, motivating the person toward what they really want from life in general.

It can also be a bad thing, especially if a person is very unhappy with themselves and has an extremely high standard, which they believe to be unobtainable. In this case I believe that the person is likely to either become extremely despondent toward life in general, or will try to project the image of themselves they like toward the world.

Example, I recently met a very nice young lady. She's had some bad experiences in life, and now has closed herself off from the world. I spoke to her for quite a long time, and she really likes to come across as this really hard person, who doesn't care about what other people think, but in actual fact she does care, deeply. And based on what I've seen, she's a very caring and loving person with a very big heart, but she has clearly been hurt by people and as a result doesn't want to expose herself again.

Now, in this case she also has an extremely difficult picture of herself to live up to, and she clearly feels as if she will never be able to live up to these expectations, so instead of pushing herself to become more, she is merely projecting a different picture of herself onto the world. A picture which is below what she currently is, and completely opposite to what she really wants.

At this point, a person has two choices, either continue to project this false image, or push themselves to become what they really want. Which choice is the right one? Which choice will bring more fulfillment? To be honest, I don't know. The immediate choice is the one which is perceived as the right choice, to grow into what you want, but does that ensure happiness? Probably not. So which is right?

At the end of the day, your perception can be manipulated, and in fact changes all the time, and as a result 'right' and 'wrong' follow suite. Will we ever know? Quite possibly, but the answers are never just going to be given to us. They need to be found, dug out in the same way silver is mined [according to Proverbs 2], and their reward is the greatest.

So, what do you wish you were? Can it be done? Or are you happy to pretend? And what are you searching for? Riches or wisdom? Which one do you value more?

Band Reviews: Foo Fighters

Foo Fighters are one of the best known rock bands in the world, and with good reason. They really are great. The concept started way back in the day while Nirvana were in studio recording, and Dave Grohl [then playing drums] would come in early and record ideas he had. These ideas stayed hidden, growing and changing for a while, and in 1995 Foo Fighters were born.

After their debut album, Foo Fighters have gone through a few line up changes, and now sport a wonderful drummer named Taylor Hawkins, great lead guitarist named Chris Shiflett and their original bassist Nate Mendel, as well as Dave Grohl on vocals and rhythm guitar.

Foo Fighters' sound is characterised by a really strong modern rock sound with songs quite clearly being written on acoustic guitar, which changes the feel of the song. Their bass lines are always very melodic, and the drums are really strong and epic, while really driving the songs to be something more, and their electric guitars are numerous to say the least. With a great rock vocal to top the package off, their songs are melodic, compelling and really get the blood flowing at times.

When Foo Fighters started they also used a technique which wasn't very popular at the time, namely quiet verses with loud, and often aggressive, choruses. This style carries through their music today, and still works really well for what they are doing.

All in all, they aren't actually amazing musicians, but rather brilliant song writers. They have a way of writing melodic songs that work well on radio, but are agressive enough to get rock enthusiasts nodding their heads. That's their secret. And it works for them, not only do they have amazing commertial success, but pretty much everyone loves them.

That's not to say that as musicians they are bad or anything like that, it just means that they are a fan of the KISS approach to music. Keep It Simple Stupid.

So if you are a rock music fan or not, give them a listen, and then a closer listen. You'll be plesantly surprised I'm sure...

Rome Bound Part 2

So, here's the Champion's League Draw. First game is only in February, so plenty of time to prepare, and I reckon Chelsea can, and might even, win. I know I said Barcelona would win, but who knows. I am pretty sure Chelsea will win English Premier League, but for me Champion's League is worth more, so one can only hope. I've demarcated the team I think will win with a <*> next to their name:

Chelsea* v Juventus
Villarreal* v Panathinaikos
Sporting Lisbon v Bayern Munich*
Atletico Madrid* v Porto
Lyon v Barcelona*
Real Madrid v Liverpool*
Arsenal v Roma*
Inter v Man United*

You never know what's going to happen, but I really think the final will have Barcelona, and someone else, hopefully Chelsea. I've got quite a few thoughts as to what Chelsea should do, but that's for another day.

Theater Anyone?

You may not know this about me, but I'm quite a fan of theater [and as a result, films], and especially Shakespeare's plays. Strange I know, but what's really interesting is where this all started.

My uncle, Keith, is gay and he and his partner, Barry, have been together since just after I was born. Barry and I get on very well, and when they still lived in Cape Town, I used to go out with them to movies and whatever quite often.

One year, when I was 10 or 11, Barry suggested I go with him to see a play at Maynardville. For those of you who don't know, Maynardville is an open air theater, and every year they put on a Shakespearean production, but the play is set in a different time period. So, they have had 'Two Gentlemen of Verona' set in the '60s, and 'Twelfth Night' set in the 80's on a tropical island, and 'Romeo and Juliet' set in Harlem, New York in modern day times.

All this makes life very fun, and as a result my love for theater was birthed. Barry and I went to see a play entitled 'Twelfth Night', and I cried it was so funny. Ever since then I have gone to Maynardville every year, irrespective of who has gone with me, and I love it. Highlight of January...

This year, they are doing a play entitled 'Much Ado About Nothing' which is ok, but I'm going to go anyway, for two reasons. One, I go every year, and it's never bad. Two, Barry [and Keith] are down from Australia, and it's the first time I've seen Barry in 4 years, so I'd really like to go and see it with him.

If anyone is keen to come along, I'm sure I can organise something. It's going to be great. I love finding the hidden stories in the plays, and that's what makes it great for me.

So, is there something you do evey year? Do you love doing it or do you just do it because it's a tradition? Or have you ever really gotten around to thinking about it? Maybe you should...

Blog Plan

I've noticed that there are a few new readers on my blog of late, so I just thought I'd let you know what the general plan is.

Thursday: Every Thursday I put up a 'New Adventures' blog detailing my previous week. If you don't read it that's fine, because it's usually longer than normal, but it's nice to know that people actually follow my life, as well as my blog.


Saturday: Saturday is Band Review day. This is a new addition to the blog, and this week will be the third installment. To be honest, this will probably be replaced by something else eventually, but for now it's cool to review a band. If it's a band you listen to give your thoughts too, and if it isn't consider checking out a track or two. Who knows, you may find a band you will end up loving.


Polls: I post a new poll every5 or 6 days, so please vote. It's interesting to me to find out what people think about topics, and if it's a result I didn't expect I'll usually blog about it.


Normal blogs: The purpose of my blog is to voice my thoughts, and document what I am wrestling with. The questions I address are usually brought about by something one of my friends says, and I'd love to have your input on the topics. Honesty is something I value highly, and if you're honest with me that helps a lot because it gives me another perspective to consider.

Please do read my blog and comment as you feel you want to. Ideas are always good, and thoughts are even better. If I could do anything in the world, I would be a professional thinker, and my blog is how I do that, so please contribute as you feel comfortable.

New Adventures 18th - 25th

Well, it's been an eventful week in my life, but it may be a little boring for you to read, but I'm posting anyway. So, here we go...

Friday

Friday night was a rather convoluted affair, starting off with us going to Canal Walk, then back to Pierre's flat, where we played some PS3 / FIFA 09 4 player and just hung out a little, and then back to Canal to pick Kelly up before going through to ROAR to see some metal.

It was a good night, seeing two great bands named "Revenge by Dawn" and "Reverse the Sands". Revenge by Dawn were my favorites, being more of a death metal band influenced by In Flames and Dimmu Borgir. Their band consisted of two brilliant guitarists, who had awesome tone [probably mostly because of their awesome amps and guitars], and these two guys really drove the band playing intricate lead pieces and some great solos. The drummer was pretty good, playing some challenging rhythms, and intricate double kick fills, at high speed with minimal problems. And their bassist was good, keeping up with the guitars and helping the drums to really push the songs. There was however one problem: Vocalist. His scream suited the songs, but he came across as a bit of a cock, and screamed at the crowd all the time for no apparent reason.

All in all, I really enjoyed them, and would like to see them again and meet the guys. After that there was another band on who I though were mediocre, and then after Donovan hand torn a large hole in his pants across his butt, we headed home.


Saturday

I didn't feel so great, and slept most of the day, and then played dota in the evening. Then I watched some or other old James Bond, before turning in at about 3 or 4am. Fairly boring.


Sunday

Pretty much the same as Saturday actually, played some dota, watched another James Bond, watched some football, went to sleep. Oh, and I started planning the party I was going to have on Friday. I was pretty excited about the party, but things went pear shaped the following day.


Monday

As you may have read, my parents had some or other objection to the party, and so they gave me an ultimatum, which I didn't respond well to. I decided to call them out on the threat, and things got a bit ugly. Then after that, I found out that my uncle's flight was arriving at the same time and so I couldn't have the party at all in the end.


Tuesday

I was in a foul mood all day, and I was wrong which made matters worse. Then I apologised to my parents and my brother and got over myself, and ended up just playing dota with some friends again.

Wendesday

Got my CV together, and sent it off to a place where I was going to 'capture data'. I had a feeling that it was a little dodge but decided to find out. In the end it was dodge, but I didn't lose anything, so I'm not worried. Went to visit a good friend of mine, Val, that evening and we just had some coffee and relaxed.

Thursday

For some reason it was a really rough day today. Found out that I could have had the party after all, and that my gran was just confused. That pissed me off. Then I found out that the job which looked like it was dodge, was in fact dodge, and it kind of bummed me out. Then I cleaned my car's windows and pumped up the tyre [there's something wrong with it, like a puncture or something] and decided to get some sleep before going to visit my psychologist. I went to sleep and slept through 3 alarms, and ended up missing the appointment, losing R500. Not cool. This evening I had some awful news about two of my great friends, so that's not cool either.

All in all, not a great week, but we'll see what happens.

It's Gonna Be A Lovely Day

Today I feel better. In all honesty I have felt quite shit of late, and part of it has been because I've fallen into a bit of a negative cycle. You see when you're depressed, or at least when I'm depressed I don't like to speak to people. I like to not see people at all. While having space is important, usually this ends up being a bad thing.

So I know this, and have been making a real effort to spend time with people, and talk to them about what's going on in my life. And let me say, my friends are awesome. They are just so supportive, and listen really well, and are totally understanding of where I am and what's going on, I could never want any more.

There is however one problem. When you're using all your energy to talk to people, you have much less energy to do anything else. As a result of not being aware of this, I haven't being doing things at home to help the situation, and have been feeling quite worthless.

This is really not a good feeling. But what's worse is it ends up compounding things, because you feel like you can't do anything because you're worthless, so you do even less, so you feel even more worthless, so you do even less etc...

But last week I decided that it was time to do more. It didn't matter what I did, but I needed to do more. After the incident on Monday / Tuesday, I decided to get my CV together, and apply for a few jobs. So, that's what I did today.

I sent my CV off to two places today, one to a 'Data Capturing' company, and another to a Call Center place. At this stage I really don't care what work I get, as long as it isn't manual labor or retail work. I just want to earn some money and do something, because I think I'll feel better.

I'm really hoping to get the Data Capturing job, because it's flexi work, and I can work from home. Because of that I can use my time to do gigs, get some studio time and continue my research and writing, and at the same time I can earn some decent cash and feel better about myself.

So, now you know my weakness, what are yours? And what are you doing to help yourself overcome them? Do you need help? Or do you think you're ok? I know I need some help, hence my blog, but identifying the problem is half the battle...

Being Right Versus Being Heard

I love debating. Almost as much as I love being right, but I wouldn't consider myself a competitive person. In the end, the important thing for me is to be right, and if that means being wrong to be right in the end, that's fine.

Example, my mom and I often have debates, and throughout the debate I may say "I see your point" or "fair enough" but that doesn't mean that I concede that I am wrong, it just means that she has some valid points. But often after our debate, I will go back to her and say "I believe that I am right, but I understand where you're coming from", or if I agree with what she is saying I will go to her and say "After consideration, I think you're right."

I am happy to concede being wrong on condition that my new perspective / theory is correct.

This however leads to quite a few problems, mostly because not many things in life are a 'right' or 'wrong' topic. We can debate about anything, and at the end of the day you can have as much evidence and conviction as I do for a specific point of view, and neither of us are wrong or right. Does that mean we shouldn't have an opinion? I'm not sure, but I'd rather have an opinion than just not think about it.

A good friend of mine told me that I am too opinionated, and that I argue too much. I think that he has a point, in that I do tend to argue about pretty much anything, and will often take a controversial stance simple for the sake of debating. Having said that, I don't think that I'm wrong.

In the end, I'd rather people share their view, and irrespective of whether they change their stance or not, I can learn from them. As I've said many times before, honesty is what is most important to me, so I'd rather you called me a cunt and told me what I'm doing wrong, than just sitting there and not saying anything.

If we can sit down, have a fight, and walk away friends then that's perfect. Everyone has their own viewpoint, and I'd rather hear yours and debate without emotion, knowing that you are entitled to your opinion, than get worked up because we don't agree which came first, the chicken or the egg.

Having said that, I'm fully aware of the fact that most people can't do that. They can't separate themselves from their viewpoints and just have a debate, they need to be right. Which makes life tricky for me, because I often offend people.

So what do you think? Should I just shut up and not cause trouble, or should I continue to debate and challenge people on what they believe? Is it wrong of me to have an opinion about almost anything? Where do you get off the bus?

Ok, on another topic, I've been pretty angry with my parents. You see, if someone tells me to do something my immediate reaction is to give them the finger. NEVER tell me to do anything, and NEVER threaten me. My immediate reaction to a threat is to make you do it. A guy tried mugging me and I told him to stab me before I'd give him anything. It's a stupid thing to do, but it was my reaction at the time.

As you can imagine, I didn't take well to being told to go find a job or else. I know I've been really lazy and that I need to get work, but sending me an email was the wrong way to go about doing it. I'm sorry to my parents for overreacting [yes, they read my blog], and I'm sorry to you for putting a crap blog up.

Today I started getting my CV ready, and tomorrow I'll be looking for jobs in random places, as long as it isn't retail I don't mind [retail kills your soul, trust me I've done it before].

I'd also like to thank my awesome friends for being so great, supporting me and being understanding. I couldn't ask for anything better, really I couldn't. For about 2 years I've been praying for good friend, and I truly believe that I've got what I've been asking for.

Self Service

So my previous blog was really angry and really stupid. Just ignore it. The truth is that while I feel crap, I can't use it as an excuse to sponge off my parents and just life the way I want to. Life is shit. End of story. It's my / your responsibility to chose to enjoy it. At this stage I guess I need a job, and the only way to survive is to get a job that I'll enjoy.

I've got my CV ready, so from tomorrow I'll be looking for a job, something that I will enjoy, and while I work and live, I will continue my research and use the time to find out what I actually want to do with my life.

My mom said that maybe I'm only supposed to find my purpose when I'm 40 or older, and it reminded me of a line in the song "Sunscreen" by Baz Luhrmann:

"Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life.
The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives,
some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t."

Maybe I'm supposed to wander around for a while, and just experience life. It's not a death sentence, even if it isn't what I would wish for. But, such is life...

Self Sacrifice

I'm pretty angry at the moment. It's completely wrong for me to be angry in this case because I am clearly in the wrong, but I don't care. In fact, I feel so strongly about it I am willing to hurt myself to cause the other person pain. Allow me to explain.

At the moment I don't really have a job. I've been suffering from a touch of depression and really haven't been motivated to do anything but sit at home and read. If you read my blog on careers you'll know that I'm also questioning myself with regards to what I want to do with my life, and how I'm going to continue with my career.

Anyway, so yesterday I spoke to my parents and I was going to have a bunch of my friends over to have ice cream and hang out for my birthday, I'm not sure why but they weren't happy with me for something or other and the didn't feel as if it was a good idea.

So then today I get an email from Cate [my father] and she tells me that if I don't genuinely look for a job this week I can't have the party. Now on account of the fact that I hate being told what to do, and I actually don't know what I want to do, I decided to cancel the party.

My mom was pretty angry with me because I am 'cutting my nose of to spite my face'. Which is true, but I don't care. At this stage I'm just angry.

In the end my uncle's flight is arriving at the same time so I wouldn't have been able to have the party anyway, but that's pretty irrelevant. At this stage I'm just questioning myself, what do I want to do with my life? How is the best way to go about doing it? Should I be getting a job doing anything, or should I continue pushing myself to do something meaningful? What are the answers to these questions?

At the end of the day, I guess life is what you make of it, but I don't know what I want in life. Maybe I just need time, although that is something I don't have at the moment...

Slow Sunday Again

To be honest, today I didn't really feel like blogging. I spent the day playing dota and planning my birthday party.

For the record, the party is going to be on Friday evening, and it's just a really mellow evening with my friends. We're going to have a fire going for people who want to braai, then we're going to eat lots of ice cream, have a Jack and lime, and smoke some hub. Just a mellow evening...

I'm going to watch James Bond now. It's on at the most random time, 02h30 this morning. Weird. Anyway, tomorrow will be more meaningful I promise.

Band Reviews: Dream Theater

Before I start this review, let me say two things. First, I had wanted to do a review of southern rockers Kings of Leon this week, but I haven't done enough research to be able to talk about their music in enough detail. Second, Dream Theater are tied with Lamb of God for my favorite band of all time, so this review may come across as biased, but I don't care because they're awesome.

Dream Theater are a 5 piece 'progressive rock' band from New York City, and are generally seen as one of the most technically proficient groups of all time. The band consists of John Petrucci [guitar], John Myung [bass], Jordan Rudess [keyboard], Mike Portnoy [drums] and James Labrie [vocals] all of whom are individually brilliant.

Dream Theater's sound is characterised by heavy but melodic guitar riffs, rhythmic and driving bass lines, complex time signatures, searing solos and smooth and epic vocals. Their two primary song writers are John Petrucci and Mike Portnoy, both of whom are big metal fans, which influences their writing a lot, which is why a lot of people classify them as 'Progressive Metal' rather than 'Progressive Rock'.

The thing that sets Dream Theater apart from other bands is that they are all naturally brilliant players. What I mean by that is that they have all practiced, and are brilliant so that when they play they play out of emotion but because they are so good their music comes out as technically amazing at the same time.

But the thing that really impress me is that while they play out of emotion, they have the ability to write at will. So where most bands write songs out of events that have shaped their lives, like a death or something like that, Dream Theater have an ability to decide to write a 'metal' song with an 'angry' sound, and do it. While on the same day they can decide to write a 'blues rock' song with a 'happy' feel, and they can do both equally well.

While all of the above things are true, Dream Theater are without a doubt a 'progressive' band, with most of their songs being over 7 minutes long, consisting of long solos and lots of interaction between the guitar and keyboard, and never failing to take the listener on a journey throughout the track.

So we know what's special about Dream Theater, but what's special about their members?

John Petrucci is widely seen as one of the best guitarists in the world, sporting searing speed, extreme technicallity and an ear for melody and harmonies. His sound has a distinctive 'metal' sound to it, but he uses a lot of effects which is very unique as most metal guitarists don't use effects at all. But these effects work well for their progressive style, and to compliment Jordan Rudess' keyboards.

Rudess is refered to as 'The Professor' because he is older than the rest of the band [he's 51 now I think] and has a Ph.D in music, which is quite impressive. The think that I like about Jordan is the fact that while he in a band that is heavily influenced by metal, he still manages to play keyboard in a way that not only gives the songs a heavy and edgy feel, but he plays amazing solos in the songs too.

When hearing they only have one electric guitarist, my first question was "how do they play metal tracks without a rhythm guitarist?" and the answer is John Myung. He is one of the most amazing bassists in the world. Not only is his tone the best bass tone I've ever heard, able to combine bottom end distinction with distortion, but he drives the songs and gives everyone else a platform to show off on, while showing off himself. Many of his riffs require him to play a basic bass line as well as a lead line higher up, giving the feeling of a bass and rhythm guitarist. And his timing is impeccable [to be honest, the entire band's timing is near perfect].

Which leaves us with Mike Portnoy. He's is an absolutely amazing drummer, being one of the most creative drummers I've ever heard, and doing it while playing weird time signatures like 11/8 or 5/4. While playing very complex rhythms filled with tom rolls and splash punctuation, he manages to keep a very heavy sound playing creative and melodic kick drum patterns, often very fast and precisely.

To be honest, their vocalist is the most normal in the band, his only claim to fame being the fact that he can sing lots of different style of music.

At the end of the day the thing that will blow your mind about Dream Theater is their technicallity. There is just so much going on with all the music all the time and I've even met people who can't listen to their tracks because there's just too much going on, but I guess that's part of what gets me going. Complexity, technicallity and heaviness. What more could you ask for?

Welcome to the Pantheon

The modern picture of a university is very different from that of the original universities in Greece. While change and progress are extremely important, the idea of what used to be the hub of education is still a really great one for me.

I know my picture probably isn't historically accurate but here's what I see in my mind when I think of the original universities.

Picture a large amphitheater, possibly with some sort of roof [ok, that's a contradiction but just roll with it] and on the stage we have a well respected, successful man. This man is to raise a question and then govern proceedings. The seats are filled with all kinds of people, men and women from all kinds of different backgrounds, social standings and financial situations.

The man raises a question, and everyone goes quite in order to hear, then someone stands up to state his or her opinion, and again people listen, as people feel prompted they stand and raise their own opinion and discuss them with the others.

For me, this is what university should be. People just free to discuss anything at length, and in detail, without fear of rejection. Everyone respects each other regardless of age, gender, race or social standing. That's what I would love to do.

I suppose if I could do anything in the world, it would be to be a professional thinker. To sit and discuss and debate opinions and ideals with anyone and everyone would be the most amazing thing in the world.

I suppose for me I don't mind being wrong, but I want to be right. So if you can convince me of anything I am happy to change as long as at the end of the day I'm right. That's what's important to me.

It may only be me that has these 'historic' day dreams, but what do you dream about? Is there something you love but just don't have the courage to tell anyone about? Maybe you should...

New Adventures 4th - 11th

Thursday

Thursday evening we headed over to Pierre's house for a small get together, and pretty much just hung out and had a great time. We played a little FIFA 09, and then lit a hub or two. After that we sat in the jacuzzi until about 4 or so and then we went to sleep. It was actually closer to 5 by the time we all fell asleep, but it was a fun evening nonetheless.


Friday

Friday started off at Pierre's house with a little more FIFA and then we left around 12 or so. Justin and I got to Donovan's house at about 1 and we decided to have a little breakfast / lunch. Donovan scrambled some eggs, and unfortunately for us one of them was rotten. We were fairly hungry though, so we smothered the food in tomato sauce before wolfing it down and heading home.

We all met at Justin's house at 17h30 and went to Canal Walk from there. The previous evening Justin and Pierre had decided it was time to get tattoos, so we went down to Wildfire to price them and see how it would work out. Turns out what Justin wanted was going to be a little more difficult than he had thought, so plans are still ongoing, but I'll keep you all updated. I'm pretty interested in some tattoos, but I need to think about designs and placement and the like first.

After the tatttoo pricing adventure, we went to Spur for dinner, and had a good time. Gareth's lady friend had invited a friend of hers to come along, but she wasn't feeling great so he had to take her home, which was a pity because she ended up missing out on a good evening.

While at dinner I asked the waitor if we could have some free ice cream because it was Donovan's birthday, and it actually worked. The entire staff came and sang for him, and we got free ice cream. It was great.

After dinner we had a few detours before all piling into Pierre's car again and going back to his parent's house. We got there and played another game or two of FIFA before starting up a hub and chilling a bit. We only had a few minutes because from there we were going back to Canal to pick Kelly up before going through to Obz Festival.

Once again, we all piled into Pierre's car, and then raced off to fetch Kelly. Justin and I were stuck in the boot of the car, and while there I decided that no matter what I was going to have a great time that night. While listening to Kings of Leon's new album, we hit a road block, and Justin and I had to hide so as not to be pulled over for overloading the car. Lots of fun.

After a fairly uncomfortable ride in the boot, we fetched Pierre's lady friend and then headed out for a great party. [I must just mention that we were going to party because it was Donovan's 'birthday weekend' because his birthday was to be on Monday]. Upon arriving in Obz we found it was very full, and so we knew it was likely to be a great evening.

After finding parking we had to take quite a walk to a bar called Gandalf's where we were meeting a friend of Donovans. Along the way we witnessed a 'street brawl' between two guys, at least one of them being horribly drunk, who was shouting some extremely funny things. In between shouting things like "I'll cut you 'till you bleed you cunt" and "who does he think he is", this guy was making the most comical groaning noises. Needless to say some of the girls were a little shaken by a man trying to kill another guy, but I had a good laugh.

Once we navigated our way from the brawl to the bar, we got in and all had a drink. Pierre and I got onto the dance floor, and because I can't dance, I decided to sing along in a rather animated fashion instead. Luckily for me they played a Killswitch Engage song and a Metallica song in quick succession, and I had some fun.

After a few drinks, Pierre, Donovan and I ventured out to bring the car closer to where we were. Upon arriving back, we found Gareth making out with his lady friend for the first time. We were all rather happy for them, so happy in fact that Pierre took a picture. Nice one Pierre.

At about 1 or so most of us were tired and thought it'd be a good time to head home. To be honest I could have stayed a little longer, as they were playing heavier music and I was having a good time headbanging and whatever, but I was also getting a little tired.


Saturday

Saturday morning started off fairly well with Take The State going in for an interview at a radio station at 8h00, so Gareth and I were pretty tired. We didn't mind though because the radio station broadcasts all over Africa, so one of the band's songs, Vice, got air play throughout Africa. Nice.

After the early moring, I had a good sleep before helping my mom prepair for her dinner party which was to be held that evening. Then I went to sleep again, before waking up at about 10 or so. Justin called me and we decided to go on a road trip. Donovan, Justin, Mike and I got in the car and after a slight detour ended up at the Waterfront Spur for some dinner and wine. It was wonderful weather, with almost no wind and a really warm atmosphere.


Sunday

Sunday also started fairly early, with Justin, Mike, Donovan and I heading out to church in the morning. It was a great service, with a wonderful teaching about the books of the Bible, and how to understand them in context. It wasn't anything new, or revolutionary, but it was Biblical and true, and in my opinion it was an imperative teaching for Christians in general.

Sunday evening we headed out to Donovan's house for some football, and then we all headed home.


Monday

Monday afternoon was quite a bit of fun. It was Donovan's birthday, and he invited us all out for a game of golf, so Gareth, Justin, Mike, Donovan and I went down to the Riverclub for 9 holes, and it was VERY windy. I did come in last place, but it was my first time ever, so I don't think I did too badly. All in all it was a good day.

We were going to watch some football and then go down to Mercury, but I wasn't keen. I was very tired, so I ended up just watching football at home and then writing a little for my blog.


Tuesday

I was pretty tired again on Tuesday, so all I did was hang out and watch the Chelsea game, which they won. Nice.


Wednesday

Wednesday was cool. I got my dota working, so I spoke to Matt and we decided to play that evening. In the afternoon my mom and I went to this great coffee place and had coffee and cake. It out in Durbanville, and it's awesome. If you want to know where it is, drop me a line. In the evening I watched the Arsenal - Porto game because I had a bet with Donovan that Arsenal would win. I thought they would, but they didn't. Oh well, I've lost two high fives now...

Later that evening we played dota. I played with my brother so the first two games were spent trying to help him not die all the time, and I tried to save him a lot. After he went to sleep I had a much better game, but whatever.

Rome Bound Part 1

So I love Chelsea, and in my previous blog I spoke about their style of play, and why I chose them as my team to support, and today I am going to pretend my name is Luiz Felipe Scolari, and give my opinion on what is wrong with Chelsea and how they could improve. Yes I know I am not really a football player, but this is just what I have observed from other people, and how they play, so feel free to skip this blog if you're not interested.

Last night, Chelsea met with CFR Cluj in the final matchday of the group stages of this season's UEFA Champions League. In order for Chelsea to guarantee passage to the knockout stage, we needed to win the game. Chelsea did win, 2-1, which was quite upsetting. You see, I believe that Chelsea can and may well contend for the Champions League cup this season, and for the team to not only concede a goal, but not totally destroy a club like Cluj is quite disconcerting.

So, Chelsea have the skill and the ability to win but why aren't they dominating. There are two reasons: New manager and injuries.

As with any change, it takes time for the real effects to be seen. With a new manager coming in at the beginning of the season it is going to take time for the dust to settle and the players to get comfortable playing with each other in the new strategy.

Second thing is injury. Here is the current injury/suspention list: Joe Cole, Franco Di Santo, Ricardo Calvalho, Juliano Belleti, Wayne Bridge, Michael Essien, Florence Malouda and Frank Lampard. That's 9 players out at the moment due to injuries, and there are a lot of players who are now just overcoming injuries, like Didier Drogba and Michael Ballack. With this many players not available, things are going to be tough.

But irrespective of these setbacks, Chelsea have been doing well in the Premier League, so why not in the Champions League. Two words: Nicholas Anelka. In my opinion he's a fool, and should be dropped from the team.

You see, with Chelsea's very direct style of play they need to be aggressive all the time, but Anelka just doesn't go looking for goals, he always has to wait on the team to create chances for him to take. It just slows down play too much.

Take last night for example, Anelka did nothing the whole game. Salomon Kalou was the only one who was looking for a goal, while the rest of the team were trying to set Anelka up all the time. Then Drogba comes on and suddenly the whole team steps the pace up, they play more aggressively and in 25 minutes the doubled their shots at goal.

Here's what I think should happen. Chelsea should swap Anelka for Teves. There are rumors of him being sold from United and I think that the Blues need him. He has the same speed and aggression that Drogba has, and while he may not be quite as fast, he's stronger. He is, in my opinion, the key to continued success.

With another Drogba like player up front, the defense would be more comfortable, and the mid field would be free to attack and play the type of football that Chelsea thrive on.

One of the commentators said last night that Arsenal are a wonderful team because they play beautiful football, and if you go in to play football against them you'll lose. I think that with Drogba / Teves at the forefront of Chelsea's attack, nothing would stop them. Not even Arsenal or Barcelona...

Careers?

As many of you know I'm passionate about music, and I'm currently pursuing a career in sound engineering. But lately I've been having second thoughts. I was chatting to my mom and Cate the other day, and we were talking about what I'm going to do. While I love music, I do have two problems: I get bored of anything very quickly, and I'm fairly lazy.

So while I absolutely love music with everything in me, I am bored of sound engineering. I was chatting to a friend of mine, and he's just finished studying sound engineering. He's a really great guy, and a hard worker, and I was just looking at what he's done. Right now he's working as a freelance engineer, doing little gigs here and there, and working in a few studios around Cape Town.

Now, while he's an awesome engineer, I think I'm better than him. When I say that I don't mean that he's a fool and I'm a genius, but what I mean is that I have a better understanding of music than he does, and I have a finer tuned ear than he does. For example, he didn't know how phasing worked [a fairly common principle in sound engineering], or how to get a kick drum to sound tight.

But while all of the above things are true, he's a much harder worker than I am and so at this stage he's likely to be much more successful than I will be, specifically in the short term.

Now, I've been thinking, should I be working harder? Or should it be coming naturally? I hear so many stories of people who love their work and say that they don't feel like it's work because they love it so much. And yet for me everything feels like the biggest mission in the world.

My friend, we'll call him George, loves tracking bands, working with music, and mixing tracks. When George is finished mixing a track, he doesn't just let it go, he does it again. Not because the first time wasn't good enough, but because he enjoyed it so much he wants to do it again.

I on the other hand did a mix of New Altum's 'Close Enough', and it sounded ok. I didn't go back to it because I didn't want to. Someone said I should remix it for fun, and when I sat down, I just didn't feel like it. It was a mission just to rename the tracks again.

So what does this mean? Is sound engineering the wrong thing for me? Or am I just the laziest person in the world? I know that hard work has been something I've never really learned, but there's just very little life in what I'm doing. It doesn't feel wrong, but it isn't right either.

I know that at the moment I'm emotionally on a bit of a slope, and things aren't going well, and maybe these type of decisions shouldn't be made at this time, but at some stage I should be enjoying what I'm doing, and that's not happening at the moment.

So, what do you think? Am I being too hard on myself? Or is sound engineering wrong for me? What's your experience with work? Do you love it, or hate it? Or is it a bit of both all the time?

The World's Economy Part 2

Part 2 of the story continues here...

It took about a year for things to stabilize after September 11, and then the dollar went back to being fairly strong, with financials slowly but surely losing strength, and the property becoming more and more volatile. All this time the oil price had being going up and up, and all sects of industry were slowing without most people noticing. Banks were begging the Reserve Banks to raise interest rates, but to no avail. Then, disaster again.

Banks all over America started going bankrupt. You see, they had loaned too much, and people couldn't pay back their loans, which meant that banks started taking houses back. But even though they had seized a house, they couldn't sell it because no one could get a loan big enough to buy it. Because the banks had no money, and there was no money flowing through the economy, everything came to a halt. Americans being the brilliant people they are, decided to not raise interest rates, but rather rely on exports to carry them through this tough time. This was literally the stupidest thing the could have done because no one actually buys anything from America.

With the dollar 'binne in sy ma' and the financal sector effectively crashing, no one had any money, and the east capitalized by increasing oil prices, which was also a very stupid thing to do. Investors had no money to invest, because they were paying banks back, and with oil prices so high, money stopped flowing causing a serious slow down in the economy.

This brings us to where we are now. [Sidebar: America buys everything from China, but China buy raw materials from Africa, so if America crashes, so does China, and so does Africa.] America are fucked because the dollar is to weak to do anything, no money is flowing because people are paying banks back, and many of the largest companies are declaring bankruptcy because no one has money to buy their goods. At this stage the only thing keeping America afloat is the fact that the East sell all their oil by the Dollar, meaning if you want to buy oil you first need to buy Dollars. If they stopped trading in Dollars the entire American economy would fold. Literally.

Now, here's the next mistake. America needed to save their economy and so they pushed $700bn into various sectors to keep banks and the like afloat. This wasn't a problem, but China did the same. Big mistake. You see, at this time China hadn't really felt the effects of the American crash, and by pushing money into the economy, they continued to not feel the effects, meaning that people continued spending money and not paying of loans. As a result, business have even more debt than before, and need to pay it back faster.

So, people invested too much in IT, then property, then financials, then oil and now we're reaping the consequences of greed. Not pretty. I would however like to use this opportunity to congratulate Mr Tito Mboweni and Mr Trevor Manuel for doing brilliant jobs at keeping the South African economy sheltered from the world events, and keeping consumers on the right track. Without their input we would literally be living off scraps right now. South Africa has a very resilient economy, but without them we would be only a little better than America currently are...

The World's Economy Part 1

A few days ago I was chatting to my mom about the world's economy, and why we're in the predicament we are and she had no idea why the world is slowly losing all worth. I don't know if it is because she hadn't taken the time to listen before, or if it didn't make sense, but I figured that she's fairly clever, which means that there must be quite a few people out there who have no idea what's going on. So in order to remedy the situation, here is my take on what's happened and why everything is slowly slipping further and further into a recession.

Before I start, there's something I want to stress: Economics is a lot easier than you think. Everything revolves around demand and supply, and because most of the money on the stock market is owned by average people, things are very 'sentiment' driven. So if the news tells everyone that platinum is useless, the platinum price will fall, because everyone believes the news and stops buying platinum. Because no one is buying platinum, there is more platinum than they can sell, causing a lower price in order to sell it all. It's as simple as that. Ok, so here we go.

It all started quite a while ago with the 'Dot Com' revolution. Business started by putting up websites and people were all impressed by the internet and invested heavily in technology. Things were going very well and money was flowing extensively throughout the entire economy. The IT industry was growing at an alarming rate and all the investors were very happy. But as with most stories, there was a twist. Someone came along and made a website, and took people's money because they were investing, and then it fell flat. People suddenly started to realise that the biggest downfall of the internet is credibility. Every website looks equally credible, irrispective of how the company is being run.

People lost confidence in the IT industry, and sold their shares. The IT industry took a hit, but continued growing at a slower rate. As a result of this 'credibility crisis' people wanted to invest in things they could see, and could trust, which gave birth to the property boom.

Everyone was happy, especially banks. Because of the fact that property costs a fair amount more, people were taking loans left, right and center, and this created another problem. You see, when you take a loan, the bank gives you money, putting it back into the economy's circulation, but it isn't really in circulation because it's actually the banks money. Because of this illusion, the American economy became very strong very quickly, causing not only other economies to strengthen but also people to buy Dollars, to make money and ensure security.

With a falsely strong Dollar, and people making tons of money in the property market all over the world, everyone was having a wonderful time. Banks were happy to continue to loan, because the knew that sooner rather than later the American (and other) Reserve Banks would have to raise interest rates, which would mean that they would get their money back plus interest at a higher rate than the rate they loaned at. So if they loaned $100k at 8%, they would get that money back at closer to 9.5% because of higher interest, meaning a nice and fat profit for financials.

Because of the confidence banks were showing, lots of investors starting buying shares in banks and financial institutes all over the world, which caused banks to give even more loans because they had disposable income. At this stage a few investors sat up and said "Hang on, this is going to go pear shaped. Not only is the property market overly strong [because people actually don't have money to spend], but the Dollar is overly strong, and financials are overly strong [meaning their actual worth is at 5, but people think their worth is closer to 9]"

Then something terrible happened. September 11. Investors heard talk about war, and lost faith in the American Dollar, and everyone started to sell, causing the dollar to lose worth. While the Dollar's worth was set to be at 5, it was actually valued at 9, but because everyone sold, the worth fell to 3.5 causing major trouble.

Knowing that the only thing America imports in large amounts is oil, people invested in it. Causing petrol / oil prices to go through the roof. Suddenly people in all areas of industry were taking a major hit, causing a slowdown in the economy. Fortunately for everyone, banks were still strong, and because people were losing faith, they invested even more in housing. This renewed resolve for the property market pushed house prices up even more, and banks gave even bigger loans, to more people. This was a bad move because they were still waiting for interest rates to rise, which still hadn't happened.

Check part two for the rest of the story.

To Much Of A Good Thing

I don't know if everyone knows about this, so I'm posting it here so if you're interested you'll know. If you're not interested in my health, don't read it.

Last week Tuesday I had my appointment with my psychiatrist, Dr Eugene, and I explained how I was feeling to him. I knew something was up because I was suffering from some strange symptoms, for example I would occasionally not be able to think at all, like I couldn't think further than exactly what I was looking at. And at the same time it felt as if I had no head/brain, as if there was nothing above my eyes.

I was also feeling numbness all through my body, and was extremely tired. I felt like I needed to sleep all the time, and had NO energy to do anything.

After telling him about the above experiences, he told me that I was suffering from a rare allergic reaction to an overdose of serotonin.

You see, I suffer from an hereditary disease which causes my brain not to produce enough serotonin, and as a result I don't experience emotions to the same degree that the average person does. As a result of this I am susceptible to depression.

I went onto some fairly strong anti depressants, and my brain actually created too much serotonin, which caused the overdose. But because my body is very sensitive to serotonin, it had a bad reaction.

It's a strange concept, the very thing I needed more of, has not only been bad for me, but has also caused me to experience the same things it was trying to stop. I guess it's part of the rich tapestry of life. Never what you want, never good enough, but surprising at all times.

Slow Sunday

Today may not be the sabbath, but I'm fairly tired and so I'm going to keep my blog to a minimum. Here are some things I hate, and some things I love:

Things I Hate

> the beach
> people who drive badly
> narrow minded people
> moody people
> slow computers
> Christmas and Easter
> couples who can't live without eachother
> the wind

Things I Love

> hanging out with my friends
> a well mixed track
> hubbley
> burban
> Dream Theater, Oceansize and other great progressive music
> Ice cream
> nice clothes
> Batman
> art
> my mom
> football
> good coffee
> tattoos

Band Reviews: Lamb Of God

I love music, and so I decided that I'd chose my favorite bands and do a short review of each one, and tell you all why I love them. We'll start off with one of my favorite bands ever, Lamb Of God.

Lamb Of God are a heavy metal / speed metal band from Richmond, Virginia in America. They consist of five members:

Randy Blythe : Vocals
Mark Morton : Electric Guitar, primary soloist
Willie Adler : Electric Guitar, primary riff player
John Campbell : Bass Guitar
Chris Adler : Drums [yes, he and Willie are brothers]

So what sets Lamb Of God apart from all the other great metal bands? Well, it's simple. They have their own sound. They are a mixture of different influences, and because of that they have a very unique take on metal. Willie and Chris are both metal heads who have a particular affinity for speed metal, while Mark Morton grew up listening to and being influenced by lots of blues guitarists. Because of this merge their sound is fast, very technical and very heavy, but with extremely melodic secondary guitar lines and guitar solos.

As a result of this unique style, they were able to coin the term 'Pure American Metal' and by doing that they have managed to create a subgenre within metal, and even speed metal.

Another thing that sets them apart from the rest is that they are all brilliant, and while they aren't schooled musicians they are constantly pushing themselves musically to write more complex riffs, to be played at higher tempos. Many bands are happy to settle for basic 4 note riffs and then to play power chords over that, but not Lamb Of God. Their sound has evolved from lead lines and fast riffing, to dual lead lines, to fast and sweeping solos.

I think the other thing that really puts them above the rest is that they all work so well together, and they are all very hard workers in their own way. Willie and Chris are said to be super technical players, and that comes across in what they write and how they write it.

For example, Chris doesn't write any drum parts until he has heard what the guitarists have written, and spent some time thinking about how it will fit together. Once he has listened to the new stuff, he writes the drumming parts around that in such a way that it adds to what the guitars are doing rather than just showing off.

The thing that makes him brilliant though is that he is just so creative within what he is doing. His fills are never standard, and they are always super fast and fun, and rather than just keeping a beat, he alternates what he's doing on the kicks so that there is more emphasis on what's happening with the lead pieces.

While the drumming is working so well, the guitarists are also really in tune with each other. So if Willie brings in a really strange metal riff which isn't fitting with anything else, Mark can come in and say "that fits with something else I've been working on", and because they are both willing to compromise and work together things just sound amazing.

And of course the combination of metal with blues style solos makes for wonderfully emotional music.

But I still haven't said anything about Randy or John. Well, put it this way, John Campbell can play anything. He isn't the greatest bassist in the world, but no matter what the guitarists bring in, he can play it with a great groove, and make it really solid and melodic. He's the type of player that actually makes the band what they are, but in a way that no one would ever notice.

And as for Randy, well he's Randy. His vocal is really unique, and no one will ever be able to do what he does, which is amazing.

All in all, they are my favorite band because they embody everything I love in metal: emotion, technicality, speed, aggression and creativity.

I've never heard a song by them I didn't like, and I doubt I ever will. Their values are the same as mine when it comes to music, and I love what they're doing. So if you're looking for some brutal drumming, precise and crushing riffs and searing solos, look no further. Lamb Of God is what you're after.

Chelsea

I'm sure you all know that I'm a Chelsea fan, but what you may not know is that I only started watching football at the end of last season. The reason I decided to get into football was because a lot of my friends were into it and there seemed like there was a lot to think about, so I thought it would be fun. I was right.

So of all the teams I could have chosen to support, why did I choose Chelsea?

I started off by deciding that I wanted to support a team who were in the English league because
a) the general opinion is that the English league is the fastest and best league
b) most of my friends follow the English league rather emphatically
c) I heard that in the last 5 years, there has been at least one English team in the UEFA Champions league final, so they must be good

Now, once I'd chosen a league, I needed a team. It seemed that the top 4 teams were also the most consistent teams, and they were Manchester United, Liverpool, Chelsea and Arsenal. I immediately decided against Manchester United because I have met so many people who support them it's boring. They're not a bad team, but I want to be different.

Which left me with Liverpool, Chelsea and Arsenal. I looked into Arsenal, but their style of play, and their team didn't appeal, so I swiftly moved on. Liverpool had a much better feel to their team, but I wasn't convinced.

Then I looked into Chelsea and I liked what I saw. I looked at their owner, Roman Abramovich, and was rather impressed by him. He went from having $2000 to being the second wealthiest man currently living in the United Kingdom. I also read about his outlook on the game, and the team, and the fact that he is passionate about football and attends every Chelsea game. I was immediately impressed, and figured that if he is successful in business, he'll probably be successful with football.

Then I saw their style of play. They have a vary cosmopolitan team, with players from all around the world, and as a result have a very distinctive style. They have a good combination of the English style, where you have to work hard and be fast, and the European style, where everyone is very talented and there is a lot of play between players. They also have a very direct style, where the midfield is very strong, and almost all of them are strikers.

So I chose Chelsea, and I'm not disappointed. The thing that I like about Chelsea's current team is that their left and right backs play more like wings, which pushes everything up. As a result their midfield are so far up they are all in striker positions, along with their striker. This works well because of their 4-1-4-1 formation, leaving a defensive midfielder to fill in the gaps between defense and attack.

So, here's my ultimate Chelsea team:
Left to right, 4-1-4-1
Goalkeeper: Cech
Defenders: A Cole, Carvalho, Terry, Bosingwa
Defensive Mid: Essien
Midfield: Deco, Lampard, Ballack, J Cole
Forward: Drogba

Bench: Cudicinni, Alex, Malouda, Beletti, Kalou

Ok that's it. If you think I'm a fool, comment away.

Controversial Topics Poll

I'm posting tomorrow's poll today because I'm not sure if I'll get a chance to post tomorrow, so if you like reading a post a day, and see this on Thursday the 4th, don't read it until Friday the 5th of December. Anyway, back to business.

As I'm sure you know I post a new poll every week or so, and this week the theme was Controversial Topics you support. In the poll you had to choose the topics you support. After 17 votes here are the results:

The Death Penalty [9]
Euthanasia [3]
Abortion [3]
Gay Marriage [8]
None of the Above [3]

These results may not have been a surprise to you, but they were to me.

Now in order to answer these questions there are two different viewpoints to consider:

The State's Viewpoint
Your Personal Viewpoint

The state's viewpoint has to accommodate for everyone, while still enforcing strict laws that can govern the specific law in a strong and reliable fashion.

Your personal viewpoint has no objective other than to give you a moral compass, and to govern your living principles.

I personally am pro euthanasia, simply because at some stage I believe modern medicine stops healing people, and simply keeps them around, and I don't believe that is what medicine is for. At the same time the government is probably not against this specific viewpoint, but cannot allow it simply because there is currently not a reliable system to regulate it.

My personal viewpoint is as follows:
Death Penalty : No
Euthanasia : Yes
Abortion : Yes
Gay Marriage : Yes

I am anti the death penalty because I don't believe that killing should be acceptable in any form, whether it by a person or the state.

I am pro abortion because I don't believe that a fetus is a life, and a person should have a choice. This is a bit of an unfounded belief of mine, but I'm still thinking it through, at this point it is my view though.

I am pro gay marriage simply because I believe that if you are trying to create a strong moral basis for society, it should extend into all sects. If we want all people to value honesty and loyalty, we need to allow marriage in all situations. The other thing is that I have a gay uncle, and he has a 'partner' whom he has been with since just after I was born. I see them as married because they have been together all these years, which is better than most people manage. Why shouldn't they be able to share in the joy of marriage.

Now the thing that surprised me was that there were so many people anti abortion. It interests me that there are so many people that are pro the death penalty too, but everyone is allowed their own opinion.

I guess that as long as it made you think a little I'm happy.

New Adventures 27th – 4th

At the moment I'm working on a few blogs, some are going to be hopefully fairly interesting, like I'm working on one about the physiological connection to the mind / soul and sexual development as a result, which should be fun. However today is Thursday, which means New Adventures day, so take a look.

Friday

Friday night was a great night. Pierre’s parents were out of town so we headed over to his house for a good time. Evening started out really mellow, with Donovan and me driving through together. I took a wonderful bottle of red wine and a six pack of cider, expecting to have a major party, but things didn’t turn out as I had planned. When we got there everyone was playing Playstation, and just hanging out.

We had a few wonderful chats about all kinds of things before Kelly and Stacey got tired and went to sleep. Mike, Justin, Donovan, Pierre and I weren’t tired at all so we decided to stay up. Donovan and I tried to play some chess, but the board was a little weird and to be honest I didn’t really want to play. I had a lit up an apple hub and we all sat around staring at a fire and telling a few lame jokes.

I’m not sure how or who but someone suggested we get into the jacuzzi and hang out a little. While the water wasn’t really warm enough we decided to take the plunge and just get in. Not the best decision ever made but the water did eventually warm up and when it did things were great.

At about 3am, the jacuzzi still wasn’t quite warm enough and Pierre let it slip that he has a sauna in his house. That was the end of the jacuzzi for everyone as Donovan and I really wanted to experience the overwhelming warmth of steam.

There was one problem, our high noise volume had already woken Kelly and Stacey from their slumber, and as a result of the sauna being outside we decided that it would be an unwise decision to wake them again and we decided to return to the jacuzzi. When we found that the water hadn’t warmed up sufficiently we resolved to wait a few minutes until it had.

The water got to about 35 degrees before we got back in and it was wonderful. I opened my bottle of wine and we all had a glass while in the warm water. At this stage it was about 4am, and we decided to watch the sunrise from the jacuzzi while chatting.

At about 6am, Donovan and I made breakfast for everyone before going to sleep until around 10h30. After hanging out and playing video games again, we headed home. Personally I had a wonderful time, particularly our very interesting chats of the evening.

Saturday

After being awake all night we headed over to Justin’s house to hang out. It was very chilled, everyone leaving at about 23h00.

Sunday

Sunday afternoon my mom and I went to Canal Walk, and when I got back I headed over to Donovan’s house to watch some football. Unfortunately Chelsea lost, but there were some other great games on that were fun to watch.

Monday

The day before we had decided to go over to Justin’s house to watch the Liverpool game, so that’s what we did. It was fairly uneventful.

Tuesday

After a fairly boring week, I went out with a few friends to get some pizza, and it was pretty good. While we were there Donovan called Matt, and told us that he and Justin were at a bar in Monte Vista called ‘Cue Inn’, and that we should go over to play pool.

Upon arriving we found that they weren’t there but were at a pub around the corner named ‘Pete’s Post’. We went there to play some pool, and it was wonderful. You know those bars that you see on tv where there are like 10 people who go there every night, know each other and just go to the bar to hang out and chat, well that’s what Pete’s Post is like.

Everyone knows each other, and the bartender is super friendly, chatting to everyone and just wanting everyone to be friends. Best part about the place is that it’s cheap. The beer all costs R10, a Jack and lime is R9, and the pool R2 a game. The atmosphere is very normal, with everyone just hanging out and chatting. There is a pizza place around the corner where you can get pizza and have dinner, and we can go there and watch football or whatever. It’s also close to home, so that’s great too.

I think we may have found our local hang out spot…