Right, so I haven't blogged for a while and the truth is that I've had very little to say that I can fit into one to two pages. This is all about to change because I now have a problem / dilemma.
Here's the deal, I have a job and it's starting in June. Until then I have pretty much nothing to do, and as a result pretty much no money. Now, Donovan got a job delivering pizzas recently, and through this so did Gareth. Now, I have the opportunity to do the same, but I don't know if I want to do it.
The reasons I am not sure are very simple and pretty stupid actually. First, I have a fantastic friend, Justin's birthday on Saturday and if I start working then I will need to work on Saturday night. Now the party will be in Betty's Bay which is quite a way away so to work until 23h00 and then drive through isn't really an option. So, I'm thinking either I tell them that I can't work and that's that or I just start working from next week.
The second thing is that I feel pretty shit working for them for literally 8 weeks and the quitting. It doesn't seem right to me, but perhaps I should just go for it.
Anyway, I'm going to be earning great cash working as an ATC from June, so bargain either way. At this stage I just have to decide if I want some cash now, which I do, but how badly? I think I should just do it and get over myself. It's not that big a problem, but who knows? Life...
Monday, March 30, 2009
Thursday, March 26, 2009
New Adventures 19th - 26th
Friday
Friday afternoon Pierre came over and we had some coffee before going through to buy some drinks for a party we were going to have that evening. After picking it all up we played some FIFA while having a hub. It was a good game, mostly because I won but also because it was a fantastic hub, so good one Pierre.
We arrived at Daddy Long Legs in Long Street as the gig was starting, and I got to see an old friend for the first time in a while. Hugh is a truly wonderful man who loves Star Wars more than anyone else I know, which I think is fantastic.
Unfortunately Hugh had to leave a few minutes later on account of the fact that he too was performing a gig that evening. So, I went outside where I found Pierre and Gareth chatting to some random engaged women. I can't remember her name but I do remember that she was engaged, and had only gotten engaged on Tuesday. Her 'to be husband's' name is Kenny and he is an Engineer in America. Very random conversations, but good fun nonetheless.
We also met a Polish man who's family had come over to South Africa during World War 2. His father played the trombone, and he was a system analyst. He was really nice, but I have no idea how to spell his name.
Shortly after making friends with random people, and seeing Shelly again, the Jizzer arrived from a trip to the beach. He was not as happy as he had wished he would have been so we decided to leave and get some dinner.
After stopping off at Steers, we headed back to Pierre's flat. He and I had decided to have a good time that evening and I had arranged to sleep over, which wasn't part of the fore mentioned good time.
After a few really tight games of FIFA, Matt and Tessa arrived and we had some interesting conversations. At about 22h30 or so Gareth and Justin decided to leave and we had another hub. I think it was around this time that we realised that Tessa was fairly drunk and Pierre and I were mostly ok. It was pretty funny actually...
After Matt coerced Tessa into leaving we spent about an hour trying to get Pierre's Toneport to work before watching a movie and later I watched some football.
I slept on the couch until about 09h00 when Mavis, Pierre's domestic worker, arrived. I realised that I was going to be in this poor woman's way so I went to Pierre's room and climbed into the bed. I saw that he wasn't wearing a shirt, and I could see his feet and shins. I didn't know if he was wearing pants, but I was too tired to care. I just got in and went to sleep.
Saturday
After some good coffee Pierre and I went through to my house and had some lunch with the family. My gran, being the mental she is, provided Pierre with some comic relief, and the rest of us with a reason for our pre-existing insanity.
From there we did the rounds picking everyone up before heading out to visit Candice Lotter, all the way in Paarl.
I don't know why but the drive there always seems much longer that the drive back, but it was fairly bearable so no qualms. We got there first, and after meeting all the relevant parties [namely Candice's parents] we went outside and sat on some blankets.
Shortly after we arrived some more people came and introduced themselves, and amongst this group of people was a true gem. A wonderful man named Riaan. He and his girlfriend couldn't be more opposite, based on what I've seen, but they are both fairly friendly people who strike me as being honest.
Riaan gave us some new music, so I immediately loved him. He played paintball so Matthew immediately loved him and he studied Theology so Justin immediately loved him. All in all, a wonderful man.
After some fantastic chats with Riaan, he and a large group of people left quite early and we continued to chat to Val, Mandy and Candice. Matthew regaled us with some amusing stories before we eventually left sometime after midnight I think.
A good evening, or I thought so anyway. I think everyone enjoyed.
Monday
Monday evening Pierre, Justin and I went through for Mercury Monday, and while it wasn't our best evening there ever we did get to see Failing Forward and the 'good spell' of music was longer than normal.
If we're honest Failing Forward were quite a fail. Not only were their riffs sloppy, but pretty much the entire band was out of time and the vocals were not very good. They had fantastic gear though, so good times there.
After some good headbanging we decided to call it a night and ended up leaving at about 01h00 which was an early evening for us.
Tuesday
Tuesday was a good day. Well, actually Tuesday evening was a good evening. I saw a fantastic film entitled "Watchmen". Probably one of the best films I've ever seen. So great, I'll talk about it later.
Wednesday
I had family from Joburg around so I couldn't go to Bible Study, but I did go through to the Oxford Arms where I met up with Val and Candice which was good. After debating prices of prostitutes we had a few drinks with Donovan, Riaan, Alex and Charlie before leaving at about midnight again. Good times.
Friday afternoon Pierre came over and we had some coffee before going through to buy some drinks for a party we were going to have that evening. After picking it all up we played some FIFA while having a hub. It was a good game, mostly because I won but also because it was a fantastic hub, so good one Pierre.
We arrived at Daddy Long Legs in Long Street as the gig was starting, and I got to see an old friend for the first time in a while. Hugh is a truly wonderful man who loves Star Wars more than anyone else I know, which I think is fantastic.
Unfortunately Hugh had to leave a few minutes later on account of the fact that he too was performing a gig that evening. So, I went outside where I found Pierre and Gareth chatting to some random engaged women. I can't remember her name but I do remember that she was engaged, and had only gotten engaged on Tuesday. Her 'to be husband's' name is Kenny and he is an Engineer in America. Very random conversations, but good fun nonetheless.
We also met a Polish man who's family had come over to South Africa during World War 2. His father played the trombone, and he was a system analyst. He was really nice, but I have no idea how to spell his name.
Shortly after making friends with random people, and seeing Shelly again, the Jizzer arrived from a trip to the beach. He was not as happy as he had wished he would have been so we decided to leave and get some dinner.
After stopping off at Steers, we headed back to Pierre's flat. He and I had decided to have a good time that evening and I had arranged to sleep over, which wasn't part of the fore mentioned good time.
After a few really tight games of FIFA, Matt and Tessa arrived and we had some interesting conversations. At about 22h30 or so Gareth and Justin decided to leave and we had another hub. I think it was around this time that we realised that Tessa was fairly drunk and Pierre and I were mostly ok. It was pretty funny actually...
After Matt coerced Tessa into leaving we spent about an hour trying to get Pierre's Toneport to work before watching a movie and later I watched some football.
I slept on the couch until about 09h00 when Mavis, Pierre's domestic worker, arrived. I realised that I was going to be in this poor woman's way so I went to Pierre's room and climbed into the bed. I saw that he wasn't wearing a shirt, and I could see his feet and shins. I didn't know if he was wearing pants, but I was too tired to care. I just got in and went to sleep.
Saturday
After some good coffee Pierre and I went through to my house and had some lunch with the family. My gran, being the mental she is, provided Pierre with some comic relief, and the rest of us with a reason for our pre-existing insanity.
From there we did the rounds picking everyone up before heading out to visit Candice Lotter, all the way in Paarl.
I don't know why but the drive there always seems much longer that the drive back, but it was fairly bearable so no qualms. We got there first, and after meeting all the relevant parties [namely Candice's parents] we went outside and sat on some blankets.
Shortly after we arrived some more people came and introduced themselves, and amongst this group of people was a true gem. A wonderful man named Riaan. He and his girlfriend couldn't be more opposite, based on what I've seen, but they are both fairly friendly people who strike me as being honest.
Riaan gave us some new music, so I immediately loved him. He played paintball so Matthew immediately loved him and he studied Theology so Justin immediately loved him. All in all, a wonderful man.
After some fantastic chats with Riaan, he and a large group of people left quite early and we continued to chat to Val, Mandy and Candice. Matthew regaled us with some amusing stories before we eventually left sometime after midnight I think.
A good evening, or I thought so anyway. I think everyone enjoyed.
Monday
Monday evening Pierre, Justin and I went through for Mercury Monday, and while it wasn't our best evening there ever we did get to see Failing Forward and the 'good spell' of music was longer than normal.
If we're honest Failing Forward were quite a fail. Not only were their riffs sloppy, but pretty much the entire band was out of time and the vocals were not very good. They had fantastic gear though, so good times there.
After some good headbanging we decided to call it a night and ended up leaving at about 01h00 which was an early evening for us.
Tuesday
Tuesday was a good day. Well, actually Tuesday evening was a good evening. I saw a fantastic film entitled "Watchmen". Probably one of the best films I've ever seen. So great, I'll talk about it later.
Wednesday
I had family from Joburg around so I couldn't go to Bible Study, but I did go through to the Oxford Arms where I met up with Val and Candice which was good. After debating prices of prostitutes we had a few drinks with Donovan, Riaan, Alex and Charlie before leaving at about midnight again. Good times.
Monday, March 23, 2009
Bleak
I've had a weird day. Today I feel overwhelmed. Nothing's different, nothing's changed but today I feel like everything in my house is just too much. Like the walls are closing in, and I don't know why.
So what's so overwhelming? Well, it's actually only two things. First, Cate. Second, my gran. I don't know why but today they are both just irritating me with pretty much everything they do. Rubbing me up the wrong way, and it's not fun.
Now, I realise that this irritation is a symptom, but I don't know what it's a symptom of and I think that's adding fuel to the fire.
I believe that when you feel an emotion, it doesn't need to be fixed or taken away, it's part of life and while it's there it should be experienced. That doesn't mean that the emotion isn't there for a reason, or that the deeper meaning behind the emotion shouldn't be addressed.
If you're angry with the world, there's usually a reason. And while denying the fact that you're angry is the wrong approach, disregarding why you may be angry isn't the right approach.
So today I'm irritated, and I don't know why. I'm not tired, but maybe I'm just worn out. Maybe the emotional boxing ring that is my house is winning, and defeat is imminent.
I don't know what defeat would mean, but I do know that emotionally I'm worn thin.
Perhaps there is no deeper meaning than I am struggling to live with a woman who should be my father and a woman who spends her time telling everyone what they are doing wrong.
But I suspect there is. I don't know what it would be but I think that it's there. So I'll keep on looking for now, hopefully something will turn up.
So what's so overwhelming? Well, it's actually only two things. First, Cate. Second, my gran. I don't know why but today they are both just irritating me with pretty much everything they do. Rubbing me up the wrong way, and it's not fun.
Now, I realise that this irritation is a symptom, but I don't know what it's a symptom of and I think that's adding fuel to the fire.
I believe that when you feel an emotion, it doesn't need to be fixed or taken away, it's part of life and while it's there it should be experienced. That doesn't mean that the emotion isn't there for a reason, or that the deeper meaning behind the emotion shouldn't be addressed.
If you're angry with the world, there's usually a reason. And while denying the fact that you're angry is the wrong approach, disregarding why you may be angry isn't the right approach.
So today I'm irritated, and I don't know why. I'm not tired, but maybe I'm just worn out. Maybe the emotional boxing ring that is my house is winning, and defeat is imminent.
I don't know what defeat would mean, but I do know that emotionally I'm worn thin.
Perhaps there is no deeper meaning than I am struggling to live with a woman who should be my father and a woman who spends her time telling everyone what they are doing wrong.
But I suspect there is. I don't know what it would be but I think that it's there. So I'll keep on looking for now, hopefully something will turn up.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
New Adventures 12th - 19th
Friday
Friday evening I went through to a new friend of mine's 21st which was being held at a cricket club down the road from my house. I got there and found out that the alcohol was free, so bloody bargain.
We sat outside greeting people for a while before getting a few drinks and listening to some good old power metal. Nothing super special happened in the evening, other than drinking a fair amount, eating some fantastic spring rolls and headbanging to Lamb of God.
Charlie is a wonderful man, and so is his family [inside joke, sorry] so to celebrate his birthday with him was great fun. We heard some good stories and Donovan and Alex actually stopped mocking him for an evening which was a welcome change for us all actually.
So, Charlie you are a fantastic friend and a truly generous man. Have a good 'un.
Saturday
Saturday was a fairly normal day, until lunch time. Liverpool played Manchester United at Old Trafford, and I got much more than I expected. I think everyone did actually. I was expecting quite a tight game, but it wasn't really, with Liverpool raping United 4-1. After that, Chelsea's standing in the Premier League looked really good, so I was immediately happy about the result.
From there Justin, Candice, Gareth and I went through to another get together at a bar in Edward's street for another friend's 21st. To be honest I actually don't really know the guy at all, but I've met him at a few parties and spoken to him a few times on Facebook so he wasn't a complete stranger.
The evening was rather strange but in the end it was ok. After a weird start it ended up being fairly chilled which was cool I guess.
Sunday
On Sunday I watched BSG and then went through to Justin's house to watch Chelsea play Manchester City. The game wasn't particularly good because while Chelsea dominated the entire 90 minutes, they didn't score a lot of goals. In fact, it looked as if Manchester City just weren't trying or something although I suspect they were.
After the game we headed through to church where the pastor spoke on Col 1:9 - 20. It wasn't anything theologically challenging, but it was the gospel and I enjoyed that immensely.
After church, Johann joined Justin, Pierre, Gareth, Matt and I at Val's house for some coffee and biscuits. The biscuits didn't turn out as Val had hoped but they were great anyway, and we had some interesting chats. Always fun.
Monday
Monday was quite a lazy day, but we had decided to go through to Mercury in the evening. I don't know how it happened but Pierre, Justin and I ended up going without anyone else, which turned out to be a bit of a bad decision.
We got there and noticed that a car parked behind mine had its window smashed. First sign of trouble. After talking to a disinterested car guard I resolved to move my car immediately and continued with the evening.
The three of us walked in, hoping for a good metal song to get us going. The truth is that every week we go to Mercury we sort of dance, sort of mock people while we wait for a hard rock / metal song. When the heavier song comes along we headbang violently and usually draw a fair amount of attention before returning to sort of standing around. It's good fun, but for some reason they just weren't playing any good rock or much good music for that matter.
We were a bit despondent but decided to make a night of it so we stuck it out. We were semi dancing when two girls ended up dancing next to us and sort of made a move to join us which we semi-reluctantly accepted. One of the girls started talking to Pierre, asking him his name. Now, I'm sure you all know that clubs are pretty loud, and in order to hear each other talking you have to lean toward each other and pretty much shout over the music.
Pierre being a seasoned clubber, leaned in to tell the girl his name and as he did this the girl in question did the same. Their heads met with a firm bang sound, followed by Pierre apologising profusely and this girl looking as if she may cry. Pierre looked at me and I just shouted "FFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUU"
We had a good lol, not expecting to see the girls again. One of them left, and the other went to say goodbye and the evening continued. Shortly thereafter they headbutted girl returned and continued to dance with us.
Then she asked Pierre if we come here often because we don't fit in. At least she's forward.
A little later some heavier songs were played and we went mental, and ended up headbanging with this other random guy who was pretty cool, and he had who seemed to be his sister and two girls with him. After some good System of a Down and The Narrow we did some normal 'semi dancing semi mocking' moves and continued to sing along to some of the more ridiculous songs they play.
The headbutted girl, named Anika, hovered around us the entire night before eventually saying goodbye. She did eventually leave, but not before requesting Pierre's phone number. Pierre panicked and gave her a fake number. Such a lol.
At about 02h00 we left and decided we would never go back without a girl. It was just weird being three guys...
Tuesday
Battlestar Gallactica. That's it.
Wednesday
Wednesdays are our day for going to a pub in Durbanville named the Oxford Arms, but this week we had arranged to go to Johann's Bible study beforehand, and it was pretty cool. We broke up into groups of 12 - 15 people and then read different passages of scripture before studying them and discussing how we interpret them and could apply the newly gained knowledge to our lives.
Pierre and I ended up in a group of people who are currently working through Romans, and we read Romans 3: 21-26. The passage was fairly straight forward, with a bit of a twist in the end. I have my ideas on what it means, but I think it will require some study to entirely understand how versus 25 and 25 fit into the Old Testament, Salvation and Jesus' life.
Our group was very quiet and they didn't seem to grasp a lot of what was said, but perhaps they weren't saying anything because there were new people in the group. I don't know. Pierre and I did however enjoy the time and will be returning, probably every week. The people are really nice, and they are actually interested in the intricacies of scripture which truly is a rare trait.
Friday evening I went through to a new friend of mine's 21st which was being held at a cricket club down the road from my house. I got there and found out that the alcohol was free, so bloody bargain.
We sat outside greeting people for a while before getting a few drinks and listening to some good old power metal. Nothing super special happened in the evening, other than drinking a fair amount, eating some fantastic spring rolls and headbanging to Lamb of God.
Charlie is a wonderful man, and so is his family [inside joke, sorry] so to celebrate his birthday with him was great fun. We heard some good stories and Donovan and Alex actually stopped mocking him for an evening which was a welcome change for us all actually.
So, Charlie you are a fantastic friend and a truly generous man. Have a good 'un.
Saturday
Saturday was a fairly normal day, until lunch time. Liverpool played Manchester United at Old Trafford, and I got much more than I expected. I think everyone did actually. I was expecting quite a tight game, but it wasn't really, with Liverpool raping United 4-1. After that, Chelsea's standing in the Premier League looked really good, so I was immediately happy about the result.
From there Justin, Candice, Gareth and I went through to another get together at a bar in Edward's street for another friend's 21st. To be honest I actually don't really know the guy at all, but I've met him at a few parties and spoken to him a few times on Facebook so he wasn't a complete stranger.
The evening was rather strange but in the end it was ok. After a weird start it ended up being fairly chilled which was cool I guess.
Sunday
On Sunday I watched BSG and then went through to Justin's house to watch Chelsea play Manchester City. The game wasn't particularly good because while Chelsea dominated the entire 90 minutes, they didn't score a lot of goals. In fact, it looked as if Manchester City just weren't trying or something although I suspect they were.
After the game we headed through to church where the pastor spoke on Col 1:9 - 20. It wasn't anything theologically challenging, but it was the gospel and I enjoyed that immensely.
After church, Johann joined Justin, Pierre, Gareth, Matt and I at Val's house for some coffee and biscuits. The biscuits didn't turn out as Val had hoped but they were great anyway, and we had some interesting chats. Always fun.
Monday
Monday was quite a lazy day, but we had decided to go through to Mercury in the evening. I don't know how it happened but Pierre, Justin and I ended up going without anyone else, which turned out to be a bit of a bad decision.
We got there and noticed that a car parked behind mine had its window smashed. First sign of trouble. After talking to a disinterested car guard I resolved to move my car immediately and continued with the evening.
The three of us walked in, hoping for a good metal song to get us going. The truth is that every week we go to Mercury we sort of dance, sort of mock people while we wait for a hard rock / metal song. When the heavier song comes along we headbang violently and usually draw a fair amount of attention before returning to sort of standing around. It's good fun, but for some reason they just weren't playing any good rock or much good music for that matter.
We were a bit despondent but decided to make a night of it so we stuck it out. We were semi dancing when two girls ended up dancing next to us and sort of made a move to join us which we semi-reluctantly accepted. One of the girls started talking to Pierre, asking him his name. Now, I'm sure you all know that clubs are pretty loud, and in order to hear each other talking you have to lean toward each other and pretty much shout over the music.
Pierre being a seasoned clubber, leaned in to tell the girl his name and as he did this the girl in question did the same. Their heads met with a firm bang sound, followed by Pierre apologising profusely and this girl looking as if she may cry. Pierre looked at me and I just shouted "FFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUU"
We had a good lol, not expecting to see the girls again. One of them left, and the other went to say goodbye and the evening continued. Shortly thereafter they headbutted girl returned and continued to dance with us.
Then she asked Pierre if we come here often because we don't fit in. At least she's forward.
A little later some heavier songs were played and we went mental, and ended up headbanging with this other random guy who was pretty cool, and he had who seemed to be his sister and two girls with him. After some good System of a Down and The Narrow we did some normal 'semi dancing semi mocking' moves and continued to sing along to some of the more ridiculous songs they play.
The headbutted girl, named Anika, hovered around us the entire night before eventually saying goodbye. She did eventually leave, but not before requesting Pierre's phone number. Pierre panicked and gave her a fake number. Such a lol.
At about 02h00 we left and decided we would never go back without a girl. It was just weird being three guys...
Tuesday
Battlestar Gallactica. That's it.
Wednesday
Wednesdays are our day for going to a pub in Durbanville named the Oxford Arms, but this week we had arranged to go to Johann's Bible study beforehand, and it was pretty cool. We broke up into groups of 12 - 15 people and then read different passages of scripture before studying them and discussing how we interpret them and could apply the newly gained knowledge to our lives.
Pierre and I ended up in a group of people who are currently working through Romans, and we read Romans 3: 21-26. The passage was fairly straight forward, with a bit of a twist in the end. I have my ideas on what it means, but I think it will require some study to entirely understand how versus 25 and 25 fit into the Old Testament, Salvation and Jesus' life.
Our group was very quiet and they didn't seem to grasp a lot of what was said, but perhaps they weren't saying anything because there were new people in the group. I don't know. Pierre and I did however enjoy the time and will be returning, probably every week. The people are really nice, and they are actually interested in the intricacies of scripture which truly is a rare trait.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Aggressively Outgoing
So I was talking to my mom on Tuesday afternoon and I was telling her about a situation one of my friends is currently in, and my mom said that I need to be more supportive. I said to her "What makes you think I'm not being supportive?" and she replied by saying "I know you and I know that you are very strong with people and tend to push them overly hard. You need to stop talking and just listen."
Then, on Wednesday afternoon she told me I must be careful because I can come across overly aggressively and people can get the wrong message simply. Now, to some extent this it true. I love breaking people's perception, and irrespective of whether I think they are right or wrong I like making people think about why they believe something, or why they think something.
I don't care what their conclusion is, and I don't care if I agree with their conclusion I just want them to think about why they believe something. And in most cases I will push people pretty hard, and fairly far before I am happy that they believe something for a reason.
Now, I know that by doing this I probably alienate quite a few people but I guess for me the truth is that if you aren't willing to hear what I have to say then we're going to have a problem anyway. I probably do come across as overly strong at times, but for the most part it isn't intentional. I want to be firm, but I don't want to shatter people's lives.
I don't like being wrong, and perhaps that's why I push people so hard. I believe that truth and being right is what really makes a difference in the world. I don't really care if you're wrong, I just want to be right. In fact, I don't mind being wrong if it means that I know what is right. And I push myself even harder than I push the people around me. Why I say, do or believe anything is more important to me than living at all.
So do you think that by pushing people around me I push them away? Should I be pushing the people around me at all, or should I just let them be? In my opinion if you can't take hearing what I have to say then we're probably not going to be good friends at all because I spill the beans on any topic at any time. No qualms.
To be fair, I probably should shut up a bit more though...
Then, on Wednesday afternoon she told me I must be careful because I can come across overly aggressively and people can get the wrong message simply. Now, to some extent this it true. I love breaking people's perception, and irrespective of whether I think they are right or wrong I like making people think about why they believe something, or why they think something.
I don't care what their conclusion is, and I don't care if I agree with their conclusion I just want them to think about why they believe something. And in most cases I will push people pretty hard, and fairly far before I am happy that they believe something for a reason.
Now, I know that by doing this I probably alienate quite a few people but I guess for me the truth is that if you aren't willing to hear what I have to say then we're going to have a problem anyway. I probably do come across as overly strong at times, but for the most part it isn't intentional. I want to be firm, but I don't want to shatter people's lives.
I don't like being wrong, and perhaps that's why I push people so hard. I believe that truth and being right is what really makes a difference in the world. I don't really care if you're wrong, I just want to be right. In fact, I don't mind being wrong if it means that I know what is right. And I push myself even harder than I push the people around me. Why I say, do or believe anything is more important to me than living at all.
So do you think that by pushing people around me I push them away? Should I be pushing the people around me at all, or should I just let them be? In my opinion if you can't take hearing what I have to say then we're probably not going to be good friends at all because I spill the beans on any topic at any time. No qualms.
To be fair, I probably should shut up a bit more though...
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Once Burnt, Twice Shy
I actually hate that saying but it was the first thing that jumped to mind when I wanted to name this blog so whatever. Anyway, I'm scared of getting into a romantic relationship because I've seen quite a few of my friends burnt badly by being in relationships.
I'm fairly sure that if we looked at the numbers we would find that the majority of relationships fail, but that isn't what is causing my apprehension. I have not one, not two but three friends who were in what they would classify as fulfilling, long term relationships only for the relationship to end rather unexpectedly for reasons initially unknown and probably still not understood.
In all of these cases my friends were male and were totally committed to the relationship. In two of the cases these friends were seriously considering marriage and I would consider these friends of mine to be good men who didn't deserve the heartache they had to endure.
Now I understand the idea that it was much better to have found out that your significant other isn't as committed as you are before marriage than after, but in all of these cases the relationship in question lasted for over 2 years, and in one of the cases it lasted for almost 4 years.
Now surely after a year of dating someone you know them well enough to be able to say if you would be able to live with them at all, if not for the rest of your life. And if the answer is "No, I can't live with this person" then isn't it your responsibility to be honest and either work on your relationship or part ways amicably?
But in all three cases my friends trusted their partner completely and felt that they were being totally honest with each other. Which means that either the other person just hadn't thought about it or the other person had decided that being in a relationship was convenient enough that they didn't want to upset their own lives.
I understand that I'm seeing this all from the outside and it is tainted by my experiences. Perhaps I'm being overly critical, but it seems as if someone was being dishonest...
So what is the answer? I don't know. Let's not lie to ourselves, the divorce rate in the world is fucking high and I don't think that's because there are a lot of people having shotgun weddings. In fact, I don't know if there is any sort of pattern that can be found which contributes to divorces but I can say that based on the relationships I've observed and the statistics I've seen I don't know if I believe in marriage. More to the point, I don't know if I believe in romantic relationships.
Based on what I've seen people put in an immense amount of effort and it seldom pays off with more than unbearable heartache. My mother thought she knew my father until one day he said "I want to be a woman". Now he wears women's clothing and is getting his cock cut off.
Truth is that I've never experienced a romantic relationship, and I don't know if I want to. I'm just not sold on the idea. Perhaps that's why the only relationship I'm likely to enter [at this point in time] is one where both parties are as independant as possible with an almost clinical approach as to who does what, when and why. I honestly don't know...
I'm fairly sure that if we looked at the numbers we would find that the majority of relationships fail, but that isn't what is causing my apprehension. I have not one, not two but three friends who were in what they would classify as fulfilling, long term relationships only for the relationship to end rather unexpectedly for reasons initially unknown and probably still not understood.
In all of these cases my friends were male and were totally committed to the relationship. In two of the cases these friends were seriously considering marriage and I would consider these friends of mine to be good men who didn't deserve the heartache they had to endure.
Now I understand the idea that it was much better to have found out that your significant other isn't as committed as you are before marriage than after, but in all of these cases the relationship in question lasted for over 2 years, and in one of the cases it lasted for almost 4 years.
Now surely after a year of dating someone you know them well enough to be able to say if you would be able to live with them at all, if not for the rest of your life. And if the answer is "No, I can't live with this person" then isn't it your responsibility to be honest and either work on your relationship or part ways amicably?
But in all three cases my friends trusted their partner completely and felt that they were being totally honest with each other. Which means that either the other person just hadn't thought about it or the other person had decided that being in a relationship was convenient enough that they didn't want to upset their own lives.
I understand that I'm seeing this all from the outside and it is tainted by my experiences. Perhaps I'm being overly critical, but it seems as if someone was being dishonest...
So what is the answer? I don't know. Let's not lie to ourselves, the divorce rate in the world is fucking high and I don't think that's because there are a lot of people having shotgun weddings. In fact, I don't know if there is any sort of pattern that can be found which contributes to divorces but I can say that based on the relationships I've observed and the statistics I've seen I don't know if I believe in marriage. More to the point, I don't know if I believe in romantic relationships.
Based on what I've seen people put in an immense amount of effort and it seldom pays off with more than unbearable heartache. My mother thought she knew my father until one day he said "I want to be a woman". Now he wears women's clothing and is getting his cock cut off.
Truth is that I've never experienced a romantic relationship, and I don't know if I want to. I'm just not sold on the idea. Perhaps that's why the only relationship I'm likely to enter [at this point in time] is one where both parties are as independant as possible with an almost clinical approach as to who does what, when and why. I honestly don't know...
Holding Midfield
On Tuesday last week Chelsea played Juventus in Turin and on Sunday they played Manchester City and in both games they did something that I wasn't expecting, from a tactical perspective.
In both games I expected Essien to play in the holding midfielder's position taking over from Mikel but in both cases he played on the right of central midfield. For the first game the team played a slightly more defensive formation of 4-1-3-2 with Mikel in the holding midfield position and Anelka playing further back than he usually would.
But the really interesting game was on Sunday against Manchester City when they played their standard 4-1-2-3, with Ballack in the holding midfielder's position. Theoretically it should be fine because as a box to box midfielder all he would do is play a slightly more defensively than normal, but for Hiddink to have chosen him for this role instead of Mikel surprised me a bit.
So, I got thinking about what the role of a holding midfielder really is, and after some reading and thinking I have found that the holding midfielder has two jobs. First, he is there to stop any cross or pass which may come from midfield to the strikers and will do this by placing himself in the path of the opposition midfielder and the forwards who may be trying to get behind the defence. By doing this the opposition are unable to push any long balls forward, and greatly reduces their ability to counter attack, thereby slowing their entire game down.
The second role is to initiate attacks. In order to do this the holding midfielder has to be an extremely quick thinker so that he may assess the field placement and decide who to pass to so as best to set the team up for a tactically strong attack. He also has to be able to cover small distances in a very short period and would of course have to be able to accurately and quickly pass the ball from any position on the field.
After thinking about this it is clear to me that Essien isn't a holding midfielder. Sure he can play in that position, but he is strongest in central midfield where he can make strong tackles and provide through balls for the forwards.
And while Mikel is effective in his defensive role, his attack initialisation is not up to scratch. Sure he's young and I suspect he'll get much better in this position over the next few years, but Chelsea need someone to fill this position now and think Hiddink may have made the best decision by choosing Ballack.
He can with out a doubt make extremely strong tackles, but his experience is what will make his transition to this role so smooth. Not only will he be able to anticipate attacks, he can start them just as easily as we saw on Sunday.
So, I suspect Ballack will be filling the holding midfield position for a while, with Mikel sitting in the background learning for the next few months.
I don't think Ballack will be leaving Chelsea at the end of the season even though there is talk of the squad being revamped, I do think that at least 5 and possibly even up to 7 players will be leaving at the end of May with at least as many, and probably close to 10 players coming in with a new manager, said to be Frank Rijkaard.
These are the players I think will be leaving: Deco, Mineiro, Malouda, Del Pierro, and possibly Belletti, Ferreira, Anelka and Hilaro.
These are the positions I think need to be filled: Second and possibly third string goal keeper, left back, right back, central midfield x 2, left wing x 2 and striker.
With a new coach coming in these players would be bought specifically for a role and formation and as Jose Mourinho as shown, doing this can prove to be extremely successful.
In both games I expected Essien to play in the holding midfielder's position taking over from Mikel but in both cases he played on the right of central midfield. For the first game the team played a slightly more defensive formation of 4-1-3-2 with Mikel in the holding midfield position and Anelka playing further back than he usually would.
But the really interesting game was on Sunday against Manchester City when they played their standard 4-1-2-3, with Ballack in the holding midfielder's position. Theoretically it should be fine because as a box to box midfielder all he would do is play a slightly more defensively than normal, but for Hiddink to have chosen him for this role instead of Mikel surprised me a bit.
So, I got thinking about what the role of a holding midfielder really is, and after some reading and thinking I have found that the holding midfielder has two jobs. First, he is there to stop any cross or pass which may come from midfield to the strikers and will do this by placing himself in the path of the opposition midfielder and the forwards who may be trying to get behind the defence. By doing this the opposition are unable to push any long balls forward, and greatly reduces their ability to counter attack, thereby slowing their entire game down.
The second role is to initiate attacks. In order to do this the holding midfielder has to be an extremely quick thinker so that he may assess the field placement and decide who to pass to so as best to set the team up for a tactically strong attack. He also has to be able to cover small distances in a very short period and would of course have to be able to accurately and quickly pass the ball from any position on the field.
After thinking about this it is clear to me that Essien isn't a holding midfielder. Sure he can play in that position, but he is strongest in central midfield where he can make strong tackles and provide through balls for the forwards.
And while Mikel is effective in his defensive role, his attack initialisation is not up to scratch. Sure he's young and I suspect he'll get much better in this position over the next few years, but Chelsea need someone to fill this position now and think Hiddink may have made the best decision by choosing Ballack.
He can with out a doubt make extremely strong tackles, but his experience is what will make his transition to this role so smooth. Not only will he be able to anticipate attacks, he can start them just as easily as we saw on Sunday.
So, I suspect Ballack will be filling the holding midfield position for a while, with Mikel sitting in the background learning for the next few months.
I don't think Ballack will be leaving Chelsea at the end of the season even though there is talk of the squad being revamped, I do think that at least 5 and possibly even up to 7 players will be leaving at the end of May with at least as many, and probably close to 10 players coming in with a new manager, said to be Frank Rijkaard.
These are the players I think will be leaving: Deco, Mineiro, Malouda, Del Pierro, and possibly Belletti, Ferreira, Anelka and Hilaro.
These are the positions I think need to be filled: Second and possibly third string goal keeper, left back, right back, central midfield x 2, left wing x 2 and striker.
With a new coach coming in these players would be bought specifically for a role and formation and as Jose Mourinho as shown, doing this can prove to be extremely successful.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Playing Second Fiddle
Do you ever get the feeling that you're just not good enough? Like you're doing your thing as best you can but in a specific aspect you're just not up to par? I do.
I'll be honest with you, I feel inferior when it comes to any aspect of romantic relationships. I think I'm a great guy who has a lot to offer the people around me but when it comes to relationships of a romantic nature I don't believe what I have to give is worth anything. And it bothers me, more than I wish it did.
One of my greatest friends, Justin, has a way with women. He knows how they work, he knows how to communicate with them and he is so confident it amazes me. When I look at how he carries himself, how he speaks and reacts I know I could never do that.
Now, before people start building a story in their minds let me be clear, there is no girl I am currently trying to hook up with. There is no conflict of interest, I'm just trying to improve myself.
But it seems to me that relationships of a romantic nature are built in a specific way, they are approached in a specific way and if they are not approached in that specific manner they don't go anywhere. And the truth is that I don't fully understand how to build these types of relationships.
And the parts that I do understand feel wrong. I just can't do 'those' things. Example, I was talking to another friend of mine, Matt and I said I could never tell a girl I love her while flirting with her. He said "Take for example, a girl says 'my favorite band is Lamb of God' and then I could respond 'I think I love you'"
While I understand the premise for this response, I just can't do that. It feels wrong. I don't have a reason why, it just feels wrong, almost deceptive.
But I'm scared that if I don't do these things I won't ever be able to approach a relationship in the correct manner, and will therefore never be able to have any sort of romantic relationship.
I should point out at this stage that I have never had a girlfriend, and don't regret that at all. Perhaps I am overly conservative, or maybe I just take life to seriously but on some level I feel that not doing things I don't feel comfortable with will be a good thing in the end. I don't know. Maybe I'm just destined to be alone or something else much less terrible than it sounds.
So, what do you think? Am I just being a coward? Should I just do some of the things I feel uncomfortable with? Or am I making the right decision but applying my 'trade' in the wrong way? Or am I just over thinking this whole thing?
What are your experiences with romantic relationships and approaching them?
I'll be honest with you, I feel inferior when it comes to any aspect of romantic relationships. I think I'm a great guy who has a lot to offer the people around me but when it comes to relationships of a romantic nature I don't believe what I have to give is worth anything. And it bothers me, more than I wish it did.
One of my greatest friends, Justin, has a way with women. He knows how they work, he knows how to communicate with them and he is so confident it amazes me. When I look at how he carries himself, how he speaks and reacts I know I could never do that.
Now, before people start building a story in their minds let me be clear, there is no girl I am currently trying to hook up with. There is no conflict of interest, I'm just trying to improve myself.
But it seems to me that relationships of a romantic nature are built in a specific way, they are approached in a specific way and if they are not approached in that specific manner they don't go anywhere. And the truth is that I don't fully understand how to build these types of relationships.
And the parts that I do understand feel wrong. I just can't do 'those' things. Example, I was talking to another friend of mine, Matt and I said I could never tell a girl I love her while flirting with her. He said "Take for example, a girl says 'my favorite band is Lamb of God' and then I could respond 'I think I love you'"
While I understand the premise for this response, I just can't do that. It feels wrong. I don't have a reason why, it just feels wrong, almost deceptive.
But I'm scared that if I don't do these things I won't ever be able to approach a relationship in the correct manner, and will therefore never be able to have any sort of romantic relationship.
I should point out at this stage that I have never had a girlfriend, and don't regret that at all. Perhaps I am overly conservative, or maybe I just take life to seriously but on some level I feel that not doing things I don't feel comfortable with will be a good thing in the end. I don't know. Maybe I'm just destined to be alone or something else much less terrible than it sounds.
So, what do you think? Am I just being a coward? Should I just do some of the things I feel uncomfortable with? Or am I making the right decision but applying my 'trade' in the wrong way? Or am I just over thinking this whole thing?
What are your experiences with romantic relationships and approaching them?
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Fix You
So, recently I read a note on Facebook written by a girl I know but am not really friends with. She's sort of a friend of a friend who I've met two or three times and while I don't really know her I can clearly identify with what she wrote in her note.
In the note she says that she has been hiding from everyone because she doesn't want to lie to them anymore, she says she feels as if she has a 'sad soul' and this has left her feeling helpless and with nowhere to turn. She feels as if she needs to change because she believes in the Lord but as much as she prays nothing is changing or getting any better. And as she tries to find the answers, she slowly but surely wears herself thinner and thinner.
Now, I chose not to reply to this note because I don't really know this girl or her circumstances well enough to respond in a way that would carry any meaning. I do however understand how she feels.
As I finished reading the note I saw that quite a few people had responded to this note, and what they had to say angered me immensely.
The first person said
"your cup will fill up again..continue to have faith.
WE LOVE YOU"
and as I read that I exclaimed "for fuck's sake..."
Most of the comments that followed were equally meaningless and and only served to intensify my rage. People said things like "It all works out for the best" and "Trust in the Lord" and I remembered people saying the same things to me. None of it ever helps, in fact I would say that nothing will really help.
I remembered speaking to my psychologist a few years ago and saying "Why am I not allowed to feel sad? Why can't I be depressed?" and after a few sessions I came to the conclusion that people see sadness as a problem. If there is a reason you feel sad it doesn't matter. The problem isn't the problem, sadness is the problem for most people. And it makes me very angry.
I believe that sadness is an emotion in the same way happiness or anger are emotions. These emotions need to be felt and experienced and not justified. Sadness doesn't need to be reasoned away, it should be embraced.
The trick to life isn't sorting everything out or fixing things, it's living with the reality we're faced with and making the best decisions we can. That's it, nothing else.
People don't need to be fixed, they need to be loved. This is not a hit and run where we can help someone get better and then walk away looking for the next broken wing case, friendships are created and as people go through shit we go through it with them, that's what it's about. It's not about dispensing life lessons, it's about sitting in the room with that person in their darkest hour.
Now, I'm not saying that everyone who replied to that note was a cunt, far from it. Many of her true friends said they love her and would like to help in any way they could, but the superficial fools who say things like "Your cup will fill up again" can fuck off in my opinion.
In the note she says that she has been hiding from everyone because she doesn't want to lie to them anymore, she says she feels as if she has a 'sad soul' and this has left her feeling helpless and with nowhere to turn. She feels as if she needs to change because she believes in the Lord but as much as she prays nothing is changing or getting any better. And as she tries to find the answers, she slowly but surely wears herself thinner and thinner.
Now, I chose not to reply to this note because I don't really know this girl or her circumstances well enough to respond in a way that would carry any meaning. I do however understand how she feels.
As I finished reading the note I saw that quite a few people had responded to this note, and what they had to say angered me immensely.
The first person said
"your cup will fill up again..continue to have faith.
WE LOVE YOU"
and as I read that I exclaimed "for fuck's sake..."
Most of the comments that followed were equally meaningless and and only served to intensify my rage. People said things like "It all works out for the best" and "Trust in the Lord" and I remembered people saying the same things to me. None of it ever helps, in fact I would say that nothing will really help.
I remembered speaking to my psychologist a few years ago and saying "Why am I not allowed to feel sad? Why can't I be depressed?" and after a few sessions I came to the conclusion that people see sadness as a problem. If there is a reason you feel sad it doesn't matter. The problem isn't the problem, sadness is the problem for most people. And it makes me very angry.
I believe that sadness is an emotion in the same way happiness or anger are emotions. These emotions need to be felt and experienced and not justified. Sadness doesn't need to be reasoned away, it should be embraced.
The trick to life isn't sorting everything out or fixing things, it's living with the reality we're faced with and making the best decisions we can. That's it, nothing else.
People don't need to be fixed, they need to be loved. This is not a hit and run where we can help someone get better and then walk away looking for the next broken wing case, friendships are created and as people go through shit we go through it with them, that's what it's about. It's not about dispensing life lessons, it's about sitting in the room with that person in their darkest hour.
Now, I'm not saying that everyone who replied to that note was a cunt, far from it. Many of her true friends said they love her and would like to help in any way they could, but the superficial fools who say things like "Your cup will fill up again" can fuck off in my opinion.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
New Adventures 5th - 12th
Before I start, I'd like to let everyone know that I have decided to cut back my blogging from every day to about 5 times a week. I don't want my blogs to ramble, I want them to be meaningful and to write that much which is worth reading is fairly difficult. Anyway, here we go...
Friday
Friday got off to a good start, with Pierre coming over to my house to drop off Battlestar Gallactica [BSG] seasons. He and I ended up having a good chat over some lunch and just hanging out for the afternoon.
I'm not sure when, but at some stage we decided to go through to meet up with an old friend of his in Long Street at a place called 'The Waiting Room'. We arrived to find that Shelly, the friend in question, had not yet arrived so we decided to get a drink and take a walk around for a bit.
The place was really cool and the atmosphere made it feel more like a house party than a club. After walking up an extremely narrow flight of stairs that must have ascended at least three stories we encountered a fairly narrow 'lobby' area. The first thing I noticed was that the floors were wooden and there were some deliberate details on the walls. Lighting was pleasant, and the music was forceful but not loud.
There were couches everywhere and 'funky' rugs on the ground to break the spaces. The bar was in one corner, and opposite was a long balcony inviting people to sit and look over Long Street. Another set of stairs was found next to the bar. After getting our drinks we went upstairs to find another area which had been strategically broken into two smaller and more intimate areas.
This area lead to a sheltered outside area where we found some picnic benches where we could sit and chat. Because we were further away from the sound system, the music became more atmospheric and less forceful, which was great.
From this outside area we found yet another narrow staircase that lead to the roof, and on the roof were many couches, picnic benches and tables. It was fantastic.
Needless to say, I thought the 'club' was great, even if the bar was quite awful. Ok, it wasn't awful but our drinks were warm, and with the temperature already being at least 30, probably more, this wasn't ideal.
We sat in the first outside area, hoping that seats on the roof would eventually open up while we waited for Shelly. The seats never arrived, Shelly did. We went inside and started telling random stories, some of which were funny others were just weird.
Shelly seemed like a nice enough girl, but she was a little reserved. Can't blame her though, she only met Gareth and I that evening.
At some stage Gareth let us know he wanted to go dancing. I wasn't too keen, but I figured it'd be best to just go along with it and see what happened. We went looking at all the clubs, but things weren't looking up.
First stop was a place called Fiction. We didn't actually make it inside because the people outside told us it was dead. So we moved on to a place Pierre thought might be good: Joburg. Not the city, it's apparently also a shit club.
After Pierre payed for Gareth and I to get inside, it was the biggest let down ever. The dance floor was about the size of a coffee table, with the worst music ever, and the people were mostly just drunk. After about 5 minutes we all knew this was going south quickly and we needed to leave.
After fighting our way past the bar, we went to Zula Bar, which was also dead. If Zula Bar is dead at midnight, you know there are problems. Not knowing what to do next, we decided to try an old hang out place Pierre knew called Pixies. When we got there it was closed, not sure why but it was.
So, we crossed the road and went to Rafiki's. We got a good table outside and just sat talking about French, and speaking French for that matter. I didn't know what was cutting...
At about 01h00 or so we decided to leave and assured Shelly we'd see her again. Don't know when but I think we'll see her again.
Saturday
Saturday started off quite slowly, I finished watching Heroes season 3, and was not impressed. Far too predictable, and clinical to some extent. The plot did have a few interesting moments, but that was it. I'm sure lots of people disagree, but I don't care.
At about 19h00 or so, Justin gave me a call and told me he had spoken to a 'new' friend of ours, Candice. I had met her once before at a party on Valentine's day, and knew she lived in Paarl. That's far away, in case you don't know. Anyway, Justin was talking to her on Facebook chat and found out that she couldn't use the car, so he suggested that we go through there for a fairly chilled evening. I had nothing to do, and thought it would be cool to have a change of scenery so off we went.
Candice lives on a golf estate, and it's bloody big. After getting lost trying to find the place, we worked out that we should have turned left at a circle and after about 10 minutes of driving we found her house.
After meeting her parents and her sister's boyfriend we went outside for a cup of coffee and had a good chat. We ended up staying until about 2am, having some fairly interesting conversations with her and her sister's boyfriend, Royce. I don't know if that's how to spell his name, so please forgive me if I got it wrong.
A little after leaving, Justin told me that he was hungry, and so was I. We contemplated stopping off at a petrol station to get something to eat but decided that we'd be fine after all. We weren't. About 2 kms after passing the petrol station both of us decided we needed food, and before we got home.
I remembered that the McDonald's at N1 City is now 24 hours, so we decided to stop off there for dinner. When we got there, the que was much longer than you'd expect it would be at 3am, but figured most of the guys were probably drunk and needed food to sober up, so whatever.
We stopped behind a red golf, and the guy in the car had left a fairly large gap between his car and the car in front. Thinking that he was just looking at the menu or something we disregarded it. After at least 2, probably closer to 3 minutes of no movement we started wondering if he was awake of if he'd passed out. As we were wondering what was going on he started pulling forward quite slowly.
He rounded the corner and just before the window where you place your orders, I saw a woman's head pop up from his lap.
We were like, what the fuck just happened. Clearly this woman had 'gone down' on him while in the line to order food. Justin and I just laughed.
After he got his milkshake he got his order and left.
Good story...
Sunday
Sunday I started watching BSG, before going to church on Sunday evening. Pierre, Justin, Matthew and I all though the pastor's sermon was good, but he viewed the text from an extremely conservative perspective, which I didn't entirely agree with. He spoke from John 8:31-59, and referenced it to John 20:30-31. If you're interested read it, and we'll have a chat.
After church we went through to Val's house where we had some good q&a time with her and Mandy.
Apparently next week we're getting coffee and cookies, so bargain.
Monday
BSG. That's all I have to say.
Tuesday
Tuesday evening Chelsea played the away leg against Juventus, and drew. On aggregate they went through to the next round which I was quite happy with.
We also went to see one of Gareth's friend, Len, perform with his band at a really cool pub named The Eye Of Horus. They had a really good live performance, and I wish them good luck for the battle of the bands competition.
Wednesday
Wednesday evening Pierre came over to my house for dinner and after a fairly rushed dinner we got ready and headed out to the Oxford Arms for drinks. While I was picking Matthew up I noticed Jan had sent me an sms asking if I would be able to pick him up. Being a fantastic friend, I drove through to his res just below UCT and from there we went through to Durbanville for a good time.
We've met Johann's friends a few time, and every time we meet them they warm up to us a little. This week they arrived before Johann and greeted us which was great. They seem like really nice people, and we sort of watched some football together which was nice. I think they are taken aback by our vulgar language and possibly our honesty. We just call it as we see it, and I think a lot of people hear that and think we're weird or something.
Anyway, this time they only started withdrawing toward the end of the evening, so we got a good few words in beforehand. Johann is a wonderful man, and we took some pictures for Beard Challenge before leaving at around midnight.
Friday
Friday got off to a good start, with Pierre coming over to my house to drop off Battlestar Gallactica [BSG] seasons. He and I ended up having a good chat over some lunch and just hanging out for the afternoon.
I'm not sure when, but at some stage we decided to go through to meet up with an old friend of his in Long Street at a place called 'The Waiting Room'. We arrived to find that Shelly, the friend in question, had not yet arrived so we decided to get a drink and take a walk around for a bit.
The place was really cool and the atmosphere made it feel more like a house party than a club. After walking up an extremely narrow flight of stairs that must have ascended at least three stories we encountered a fairly narrow 'lobby' area. The first thing I noticed was that the floors were wooden and there were some deliberate details on the walls. Lighting was pleasant, and the music was forceful but not loud.
There were couches everywhere and 'funky' rugs on the ground to break the spaces. The bar was in one corner, and opposite was a long balcony inviting people to sit and look over Long Street. Another set of stairs was found next to the bar. After getting our drinks we went upstairs to find another area which had been strategically broken into two smaller and more intimate areas.
This area lead to a sheltered outside area where we found some picnic benches where we could sit and chat. Because we were further away from the sound system, the music became more atmospheric and less forceful, which was great.
From this outside area we found yet another narrow staircase that lead to the roof, and on the roof were many couches, picnic benches and tables. It was fantastic.
Needless to say, I thought the 'club' was great, even if the bar was quite awful. Ok, it wasn't awful but our drinks were warm, and with the temperature already being at least 30, probably more, this wasn't ideal.
We sat in the first outside area, hoping that seats on the roof would eventually open up while we waited for Shelly. The seats never arrived, Shelly did. We went inside and started telling random stories, some of which were funny others were just weird.
Shelly seemed like a nice enough girl, but she was a little reserved. Can't blame her though, she only met Gareth and I that evening.
At some stage Gareth let us know he wanted to go dancing. I wasn't too keen, but I figured it'd be best to just go along with it and see what happened. We went looking at all the clubs, but things weren't looking up.
First stop was a place called Fiction. We didn't actually make it inside because the people outside told us it was dead. So we moved on to a place Pierre thought might be good: Joburg. Not the city, it's apparently also a shit club.
After Pierre payed for Gareth and I to get inside, it was the biggest let down ever. The dance floor was about the size of a coffee table, with the worst music ever, and the people were mostly just drunk. After about 5 minutes we all knew this was going south quickly and we needed to leave.
After fighting our way past the bar, we went to Zula Bar, which was also dead. If Zula Bar is dead at midnight, you know there are problems. Not knowing what to do next, we decided to try an old hang out place Pierre knew called Pixies. When we got there it was closed, not sure why but it was.
So, we crossed the road and went to Rafiki's. We got a good table outside and just sat talking about French, and speaking French for that matter. I didn't know what was cutting...
At about 01h00 or so we decided to leave and assured Shelly we'd see her again. Don't know when but I think we'll see her again.
Saturday
Saturday started off quite slowly, I finished watching Heroes season 3, and was not impressed. Far too predictable, and clinical to some extent. The plot did have a few interesting moments, but that was it. I'm sure lots of people disagree, but I don't care.
At about 19h00 or so, Justin gave me a call and told me he had spoken to a 'new' friend of ours, Candice. I had met her once before at a party on Valentine's day, and knew she lived in Paarl. That's far away, in case you don't know. Anyway, Justin was talking to her on Facebook chat and found out that she couldn't use the car, so he suggested that we go through there for a fairly chilled evening. I had nothing to do, and thought it would be cool to have a change of scenery so off we went.
Candice lives on a golf estate, and it's bloody big. After getting lost trying to find the place, we worked out that we should have turned left at a circle and after about 10 minutes of driving we found her house.
After meeting her parents and her sister's boyfriend we went outside for a cup of coffee and had a good chat. We ended up staying until about 2am, having some fairly interesting conversations with her and her sister's boyfriend, Royce. I don't know if that's how to spell his name, so please forgive me if I got it wrong.
A little after leaving, Justin told me that he was hungry, and so was I. We contemplated stopping off at a petrol station to get something to eat but decided that we'd be fine after all. We weren't. About 2 kms after passing the petrol station both of us decided we needed food, and before we got home.
I remembered that the McDonald's at N1 City is now 24 hours, so we decided to stop off there for dinner. When we got there, the que was much longer than you'd expect it would be at 3am, but figured most of the guys were probably drunk and needed food to sober up, so whatever.
We stopped behind a red golf, and the guy in the car had left a fairly large gap between his car and the car in front. Thinking that he was just looking at the menu or something we disregarded it. After at least 2, probably closer to 3 minutes of no movement we started wondering if he was awake of if he'd passed out. As we were wondering what was going on he started pulling forward quite slowly.
He rounded the corner and just before the window where you place your orders, I saw a woman's head pop up from his lap.
We were like, what the fuck just happened. Clearly this woman had 'gone down' on him while in the line to order food. Justin and I just laughed.
After he got his milkshake he got his order and left.
Good story...
Sunday
Sunday I started watching BSG, before going to church on Sunday evening. Pierre, Justin, Matthew and I all though the pastor's sermon was good, but he viewed the text from an extremely conservative perspective, which I didn't entirely agree with. He spoke from John 8:31-59, and referenced it to John 20:30-31. If you're interested read it, and we'll have a chat.
After church we went through to Val's house where we had some good q&a time with her and Mandy.
Apparently next week we're getting coffee and cookies, so bargain.
Monday
BSG. That's all I have to say.
Tuesday
Tuesday evening Chelsea played the away leg against Juventus, and drew. On aggregate they went through to the next round which I was quite happy with.
We also went to see one of Gareth's friend, Len, perform with his band at a really cool pub named The Eye Of Horus. They had a really good live performance, and I wish them good luck for the battle of the bands competition.
Wednesday
Wednesday evening Pierre came over to my house for dinner and after a fairly rushed dinner we got ready and headed out to the Oxford Arms for drinks. While I was picking Matthew up I noticed Jan had sent me an sms asking if I would be able to pick him up. Being a fantastic friend, I drove through to his res just below UCT and from there we went through to Durbanville for a good time.
We've met Johann's friends a few time, and every time we meet them they warm up to us a little. This week they arrived before Johann and greeted us which was great. They seem like really nice people, and we sort of watched some football together which was nice. I think they are taken aback by our vulgar language and possibly our honesty. We just call it as we see it, and I think a lot of people hear that and think we're weird or something.
Anyway, this time they only started withdrawing toward the end of the evening, so we got a good few words in beforehand. Johann is a wonderful man, and we took some pictures for Beard Challenge before leaving at around midnight.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Interaction
Humanity truly is amazing. We're all fucked up. And we're all incredible. When I think of my life, and how rich it is, and then begin to try and understand how it could be that every other person I meet has a life that is just as rich; well I struggle to understand it.
Each person has a unique set of ideals and principles, a unique past and as a result a unique perception of the reality they are being faced with. Within this reality there are so many outside influences that we just don't have the capacity to control, even if we could control them.
Based on the above it doesn't surprise me that people are murdered, raped, abused or stolen from every day. At the same time it doesn't surprise me that people are also respected, loved, honoured and appreciated every day.
I believe that we all need each other far more than we care to admit, not only to support and love each other, but to give a different perspective on problems, to push each other, to bring us down to earth when we need it and sometimes to create an escape from the reality that's abusing our minds.
Our lives don't fit in with each other, we don't have a perfect balance where you have an experience to a specific degree and I have the exact opposite. But we have all got something in common, irrespective of what level it may be on. For some it's at the core of what we are, a primitive requirement. For others it's on a spiritual level, where we yearn for something more, and for others it's on a much more advanced level, possibly a taste in music, a sense of humor or even the same political outlook.
Irrespective of what level it may be on, we need each other. And it's not because of who you are, it's because of what you are.
Your life is more interesting than you think, I'm fairly sure of it.
Each person has a unique set of ideals and principles, a unique past and as a result a unique perception of the reality they are being faced with. Within this reality there are so many outside influences that we just don't have the capacity to control, even if we could control them.
Based on the above it doesn't surprise me that people are murdered, raped, abused or stolen from every day. At the same time it doesn't surprise me that people are also respected, loved, honoured and appreciated every day.
I believe that we all need each other far more than we care to admit, not only to support and love each other, but to give a different perspective on problems, to push each other, to bring us down to earth when we need it and sometimes to create an escape from the reality that's abusing our minds.
Our lives don't fit in with each other, we don't have a perfect balance where you have an experience to a specific degree and I have the exact opposite. But we have all got something in common, irrespective of what level it may be on. For some it's at the core of what we are, a primitive requirement. For others it's on a spiritual level, where we yearn for something more, and for others it's on a much more advanced level, possibly a taste in music, a sense of humor or even the same political outlook.
Irrespective of what level it may be on, we need each other. And it's not because of who you are, it's because of what you are.
Your life is more interesting than you think, I'm fairly sure of it.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Sodium Pentathol
I listen to Eminem. I don't really like a lot of his music, but I love his lyrics. His commentary on society is wonderful. One of my favorite songs by Eminem is "The Real Slim Shadey", and there's a section of the song that goes like this:
"I'm like a head trip to listen to, cause I'm only givin you
things you joke about with your friends inside your living room
The only difference is I got the balls to say it
in front of y'all and I don't gotta be false or sugarcoated at all
I just get on the mic and spit it
and whether you like to admit it I just shit it
better than ninety percent of you rappers out can
Then you wonder how can kids eat up these albums like Valiums"
It's so fantastic, and for the most part it's true, particularly that last line.
You see, I believe people appreciate honesty. The world is filled with people who will lie to you for all kinds of reasons, some people want to win your affection, others your trust and some people just don't want to get into trouble. But for the most part, people have an agenda and in pursuit of their goal they are prepared to lie.
But people don't want to be lied to, even when they have something they want to hear. And that's often fairly difficult to get around, because it's easier to tell someone what they want to hear than it is to go on an often uncomfortable emotional journey.
Now, I hope that those of you who know me would say that I'm an honest person. It's something I value highly, and I strive to be honest in all situations irrespective of how difficult it may be.
Granted, just saying things isn't always the wisest decision, but I suppose that's where integrity and trust come in. Trusting yourself to know when to say things, and how to say things is fairly important. But I suppose that trust needs to come from the person holding the information as well as the person receiving the information.
At the same time, not being arrogant or crushing with honesty is equally important, and this is something that I struggle with. I tend to be very firm and often extremely harsh when being honest. By doing that you can end up doing more harm than good, and that's not what I want.
Sometimes I wish I could emit a sodium pentathol aura. Truth serum, just so people would have to be honest all the time, but I guess that would make things too easy...
"I'm like a head trip to listen to, cause I'm only givin you
things you joke about with your friends inside your living room
The only difference is I got the balls to say it
in front of y'all and I don't gotta be false or sugarcoated at all
I just get on the mic and spit it
and whether you like to admit it I just shit it
better than ninety percent of you rappers out can
Then you wonder how can kids eat up these albums like Valiums"
It's so fantastic, and for the most part it's true, particularly that last line.
You see, I believe people appreciate honesty. The world is filled with people who will lie to you for all kinds of reasons, some people want to win your affection, others your trust and some people just don't want to get into trouble. But for the most part, people have an agenda and in pursuit of their goal they are prepared to lie.
But people don't want to be lied to, even when they have something they want to hear. And that's often fairly difficult to get around, because it's easier to tell someone what they want to hear than it is to go on an often uncomfortable emotional journey.
Now, I hope that those of you who know me would say that I'm an honest person. It's something I value highly, and I strive to be honest in all situations irrespective of how difficult it may be.
Granted, just saying things isn't always the wisest decision, but I suppose that's where integrity and trust come in. Trusting yourself to know when to say things, and how to say things is fairly important. But I suppose that trust needs to come from the person holding the information as well as the person receiving the information.
At the same time, not being arrogant or crushing with honesty is equally important, and this is something that I struggle with. I tend to be very firm and often extremely harsh when being honest. By doing that you can end up doing more harm than good, and that's not what I want.
Sometimes I wish I could emit a sodium pentathol aura. Truth serum, just so people would have to be honest all the time, but I guess that would make things too easy...
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Future Growth
I don't want to grow up. I like being the way I am. My life is great just the way it is, and not only do I not want my life to change, I want everyone around me to stay the same too. But it doesn't work like that because people grow up and their goals in life change and then the world we know becomes a memory.
It's quite a daunting thought, but the truth is that of my current circle of friends most of us aren't going to live in the same city in 5 to 10 years time. Now, at the moment these people are my support group, they are like family to me, and to think that they are going to fade from my life doesn't exactly encourage me.
Sure I'll see them and speak to the regularly but I won't be seeing them every two or three days like I do at the moment.
Let's be honest, Matt is studying Game Design and won't get a job working in that field in Cape Town, Pierre may be going to Berlin as soon as the beginning of next year to work as a programmer, Justin is unlikely to get a job lecturing at any university in Cape Town, and possibly not even in South Africa, Gareth will end up spending at least 10 months a year on tour and Donovan will end up shooting all over the world. By staying in Cape Town I'm not winning anything...
So is my life destined to be relegated to aimlessly wandering the world or am I actually going to have people I'm willing to sacrifice for like I do now?
While the future may look quite bleak at the moment, it is in fact quite bright. You see, I could easily end up working as an Air Traffic Controller in London, and would then be able to travel throughout Europe to visit Pierre or any of my other friends, go to football matches, see my favorite bands play live and meet new people as I go along.
I suppose it is at this stage that the idea of 'sibling love' and a romantic relationship surfaces, simply because these are the people who are most likely to journey through life with me the closest.
I have a lot of research to do before I can address these issues, but I can say that growing up is something that we should expect and take part in, not something we should fear or try to put off. It's part of life, and has been since the beginning of time. Friendships change, they grow closer and further apart as time goes on, the dynamic will change but the influence those people have or have had on our lives is what makes them special.
So I am choosing to enjoy what I have now, and look forward to seeing the people around me succeed in their lives.
It's quite a daunting thought, but the truth is that of my current circle of friends most of us aren't going to live in the same city in 5 to 10 years time. Now, at the moment these people are my support group, they are like family to me, and to think that they are going to fade from my life doesn't exactly encourage me.
Sure I'll see them and speak to the regularly but I won't be seeing them every two or three days like I do at the moment.
Let's be honest, Matt is studying Game Design and won't get a job working in that field in Cape Town, Pierre may be going to Berlin as soon as the beginning of next year to work as a programmer, Justin is unlikely to get a job lecturing at any university in Cape Town, and possibly not even in South Africa, Gareth will end up spending at least 10 months a year on tour and Donovan will end up shooting all over the world. By staying in Cape Town I'm not winning anything...
So is my life destined to be relegated to aimlessly wandering the world or am I actually going to have people I'm willing to sacrifice for like I do now?
While the future may look quite bleak at the moment, it is in fact quite bright. You see, I could easily end up working as an Air Traffic Controller in London, and would then be able to travel throughout Europe to visit Pierre or any of my other friends, go to football matches, see my favorite bands play live and meet new people as I go along.
I suppose it is at this stage that the idea of 'sibling love' and a romantic relationship surfaces, simply because these are the people who are most likely to journey through life with me the closest.
I have a lot of research to do before I can address these issues, but I can say that growing up is something that we should expect and take part in, not something we should fear or try to put off. It's part of life, and has been since the beginning of time. Friendships change, they grow closer and further apart as time goes on, the dynamic will change but the influence those people have or have had on our lives is what makes them special.
So I am choosing to enjoy what I have now, and look forward to seeing the people around me succeed in their lives.
Friday, March 6, 2009
Duck and Run
So, I've had a cool day, with a bit of fail in the middle, but you'll have to wait until New Adventures on Thursday to read about it. For now, I'm going to try and get some sleep because I've got a long and tiring day ahead of me tomorrow.
This is my blog dodge so read tomorrow for something substantial.
This is my blog dodge so read tomorrow for something substantial.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
New Adventures 19th - 26th
Friday
Friday evening was a bit of a let down, I went to a concert at my brother's school, and then went to Matt's house. I wrote a post about it on Saturday entitled 'Rickie's Undate' so check it out if you haven't already.
Saturday
Saturday was cool, we all headed out to Gandalf's and just hung out a bit. I got to meet a few dota fiends who I've played against but had never met. Matt and Tessa came along too, which was cool. I know Matt's not into the whole club vibe, so it was lucky that Gandalf's was quite empty that evening.
Sunday
Sunday evening we had a wondeful time going to Johann's church. I think this is going to be my new church, even though the drive through is a bit of a mission. It's in Durbanville, but it's was the first time in a very long time that I've heard a truly Biblical sermon in church and I literally felt better afterward.
Nothing they say or do is because they think it's a good idea, they only do it if it's backed up by something in the Bible, and that makes me glad. And the sermon was more like sitting in a lecture, which I really enjoyed too. It wasn't really a lecture at all, but it had that kind of feel to it. And after all the research and reading I do, I want a church to feel that way, so I was happy.
Anyway, after church we went to Val's house for some coffee and a chat. Good times.
Monday
Monday night we went to Mercury again, but took Pierre along this time. After Pierre cock blocked Donovan, we had a good time dancing and whatever. Pierre met up with one of his old friends, Lauren, and I got to see an old friend of mine, Willie, too.
There were these three random girls who somehow knew Pierre's name who kept on trying to dance with us. I don't know if they were drunk or something but I just wanted them to leave me alone.
Eventually we just went and sat down and they left us alone, which was nice. We also saw this girl who was clearly very high on something dancing against a wall, and men were literally paying her. I don't know why, or how but I just stayed out of it.
We got there at about 22h00 and left around 02h30, so R10 well spent.
Tuesday
Dota. That's all I have to say.
Wednesday
Wednesday evening we went through to the Oxford Arms in Durbanville, and met up with a guy who went to school with Justin and I. We also met up with Johann and his Bible study group, which is always fun because Johann usually sits with us and has a lol while the rest of the group aren't sure what to make of us, and are therefore fairly aprehensive.
Chris, our old friend, bought us all Jager-bombs and I had one for the first time. It's not bad at all, but I think I'll stick to my Jack and lime. The barman tried to do a cool trick with the Jager-bombs but failed quite hard. So we got a free one, which was cool. Bit of a let down though...
After Pierre downed a lot of Donovan's beer, we left and I think they went to dota but I watched some episodes of Heroes season 3. I'm going to finish the season tonight and I'll start of Battlestar tomorrow. Good times...
Friday evening was a bit of a let down, I went to a concert at my brother's school, and then went to Matt's house. I wrote a post about it on Saturday entitled 'Rickie's Undate' so check it out if you haven't already.
Saturday
Saturday was cool, we all headed out to Gandalf's and just hung out a bit. I got to meet a few dota fiends who I've played against but had never met. Matt and Tessa came along too, which was cool. I know Matt's not into the whole club vibe, so it was lucky that Gandalf's was quite empty that evening.
Sunday
Sunday evening we had a wondeful time going to Johann's church. I think this is going to be my new church, even though the drive through is a bit of a mission. It's in Durbanville, but it's was the first time in a very long time that I've heard a truly Biblical sermon in church and I literally felt better afterward.
Nothing they say or do is because they think it's a good idea, they only do it if it's backed up by something in the Bible, and that makes me glad. And the sermon was more like sitting in a lecture, which I really enjoyed too. It wasn't really a lecture at all, but it had that kind of feel to it. And after all the research and reading I do, I want a church to feel that way, so I was happy.
Anyway, after church we went to Val's house for some coffee and a chat. Good times.
Monday
Monday night we went to Mercury again, but took Pierre along this time. After Pierre cock blocked Donovan, we had a good time dancing and whatever. Pierre met up with one of his old friends, Lauren, and I got to see an old friend of mine, Willie, too.
There were these three random girls who somehow knew Pierre's name who kept on trying to dance with us. I don't know if they were drunk or something but I just wanted them to leave me alone.
Eventually we just went and sat down and they left us alone, which was nice. We also saw this girl who was clearly very high on something dancing against a wall, and men were literally paying her. I don't know why, or how but I just stayed out of it.
We got there at about 22h00 and left around 02h30, so R10 well spent.
Tuesday
Dota. That's all I have to say.
Wednesday
Wednesday evening we went through to the Oxford Arms in Durbanville, and met up with a guy who went to school with Justin and I. We also met up with Johann and his Bible study group, which is always fun because Johann usually sits with us and has a lol while the rest of the group aren't sure what to make of us, and are therefore fairly aprehensive.
Chris, our old friend, bought us all Jager-bombs and I had one for the first time. It's not bad at all, but I think I'll stick to my Jack and lime. The barman tried to do a cool trick with the Jager-bombs but failed quite hard. So we got a free one, which was cool. Bit of a let down though...
After Pierre downed a lot of Donovan's beer, we left and I think they went to dota but I watched some episodes of Heroes season 3. I'm going to finish the season tonight and I'll start of Battlestar tomorrow. Good times...
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Football Tactics
Right, so as you all know I analyse everything around me all the time, and the other day I was listening to some music and got thinking about football tactics.
It seems to me that there are two schools of thought when it comes to football tactics, and then within one of them another two ways of executing the specific style. The two main approaches are Reactive and Proactive.
Reactive
The Reactive style of football is a very 'organic' style of football, where the players go where the ball goes, and rather than having a specific method of attack, the players attack by passing a lot and waiting for openings, and simply defend where ever the opposition take the ball. It's a very Brazilian style of football, and requires the team to work as a single unit, with a lot of flexibility and just pushing forward as much as possible.
It's almost as if there is no structure to this style, and usually the team is set in a standard formation like 4-4-2 or 4-3-3. I suppose it also requires a fairly high work rate because the players end up running around a lot.
Proactive
This seems to be the more favored style of football, with players in specific positions within a formation, and playing with a specific attacking and defensive method. Within this style there are two approaches I have noticed.
Player Influence
This approach is used by Manchester United, and in this style there is a standard formation and a standard attaching method used for pretty much every game, but specific players are chosen to play within the formation because of their style of play.
So in Manchester United's case, they always play 4-4-2. But when they need to defend, they play more defensive players in midfield, and when they need to attack they play more attacking players in midfield. Their formation never changes, and their method of attach never changes. They always attack down the wings, but depending on what is required they will change who plays in central midfield, or on the wings or upfront or whatever the case may be.
Formation
This approach is favored by Chelsea, and requires specific players in every position, but relies on tactical changes for attacking and defending, primarily through formation changes. It is similar to the 'Player Influence' approach because it requires specific players to play differently in specific positions on the field, but is more tactically 'correct' and more structured.
So, in Chelsea's case they play a very direct style of football, which requires the players to be very strong and fast, but also to stay in their specific position. Chelsea have always played different variations of the 4-3-3 formation, but depending on if they need a stronger midfield, a wider style of play, or a more aggressive style of play they will play 4-1-4-1, 4-1-3-2 or 4-1-2-3 respectively.
But irrespective of the formation, each player is required to do a specific job within his position in the formation, rather than just playing his style of football.
None of these approaches are wrong, they just work differently for different clubs. Every club has a different style of play, and they buy players accordingly. Because they players are there, it doesn't matter if the manager changes the style of play won't change [hence Scolari's failure at Chelsea].
Anyway, this is just my own opinion based on my limited observation, I could be wrong. Tell me if you think I am, and tell me why. Otherwise just bugger off...
It seems to me that there are two schools of thought when it comes to football tactics, and then within one of them another two ways of executing the specific style. The two main approaches are Reactive and Proactive.
Reactive
The Reactive style of football is a very 'organic' style of football, where the players go where the ball goes, and rather than having a specific method of attack, the players attack by passing a lot and waiting for openings, and simply defend where ever the opposition take the ball. It's a very Brazilian style of football, and requires the team to work as a single unit, with a lot of flexibility and just pushing forward as much as possible.
It's almost as if there is no structure to this style, and usually the team is set in a standard formation like 4-4-2 or 4-3-3. I suppose it also requires a fairly high work rate because the players end up running around a lot.
Proactive
This seems to be the more favored style of football, with players in specific positions within a formation, and playing with a specific attacking and defensive method. Within this style there are two approaches I have noticed.
Player Influence
This approach is used by Manchester United, and in this style there is a standard formation and a standard attaching method used for pretty much every game, but specific players are chosen to play within the formation because of their style of play.
So in Manchester United's case, they always play 4-4-2. But when they need to defend, they play more defensive players in midfield, and when they need to attack they play more attacking players in midfield. Their formation never changes, and their method of attach never changes. They always attack down the wings, but depending on what is required they will change who plays in central midfield, or on the wings or upfront or whatever the case may be.
Formation
This approach is favored by Chelsea, and requires specific players in every position, but relies on tactical changes for attacking and defending, primarily through formation changes. It is similar to the 'Player Influence' approach because it requires specific players to play differently in specific positions on the field, but is more tactically 'correct' and more structured.
So, in Chelsea's case they play a very direct style of football, which requires the players to be very strong and fast, but also to stay in their specific position. Chelsea have always played different variations of the 4-3-3 formation, but depending on if they need a stronger midfield, a wider style of play, or a more aggressive style of play they will play 4-1-4-1, 4-1-3-2 or 4-1-2-3 respectively.
But irrespective of the formation, each player is required to do a specific job within his position in the formation, rather than just playing his style of football.
None of these approaches are wrong, they just work differently for different clubs. Every club has a different style of play, and they buy players accordingly. Because they players are there, it doesn't matter if the manager changes the style of play won't change [hence Scolari's failure at Chelsea].
Anyway, this is just my own opinion based on my limited observation, I could be wrong. Tell me if you think I am, and tell me why. Otherwise just bugger off...
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Slothfulness
I don't know if it's in my nature, or if I'm just bloody lazy but I really could do nothing all day. Maybe not nothing, but almost nothing. So, pretty much if I could be paid to do what I do at the moment, I would be a happy man.
For those of you who don't know, I have a job as an Air Traffic Controller, but I have to wait until June before my training starts. Now this isn't a big problem but it does make getting a job difficult because people don't want to employ me because I'm only going to work for a few months. And while I don't mind doing nothing, my parents do. Which is a valid objection, but it doesn't change how potential employers feel about me.
Anyway, so at the moment I 'have' a job, but I have nothing to do in the meantime, and I love it. I can wake up at any time in the day, I can go to bed at any time and not worry about having to be up for anything. Pretty much all I do is listen to music, read, dota, go out with my friends and then a little housework. So I water the garden, wash up and clean the bathroom. That kind of thing. And if I had a choice I would live like this for the rest of my life. It is brilliant.
But I meet lots of people who just can't bring themselves to do nothing. They have to do something all the time, even if there is very little to do. I have a friend who is at university, and less than half way through his holidays he was happy to go back. He'd had enough time off and wanted to start working again. That's not me.
When I was at school people used to get bored during holidays and want to go back to school. I never wanted holidays to end. I've just never had that feeling of 'I need to get back to work'. I could just sit around thinking and reading all day, no qualms.
But is it because I'm lazy? Or is it because I'm just wired that way? I don't know, but I suspect it's a bit of both.
The other thing is that unfortunately life doesn't work the way I wish it did, and I will actually have to do some work in order to live, which is a pity. So, I guess I'll have to go to my job in June, and I'll have to just make the best of earning money, even though it's not my goal.
To be fair, earning money isn't difficult to get used to...
For those of you who don't know, I have a job as an Air Traffic Controller, but I have to wait until June before my training starts. Now this isn't a big problem but it does make getting a job difficult because people don't want to employ me because I'm only going to work for a few months. And while I don't mind doing nothing, my parents do. Which is a valid objection, but it doesn't change how potential employers feel about me.
Anyway, so at the moment I 'have' a job, but I have nothing to do in the meantime, and I love it. I can wake up at any time in the day, I can go to bed at any time and not worry about having to be up for anything. Pretty much all I do is listen to music, read, dota, go out with my friends and then a little housework. So I water the garden, wash up and clean the bathroom. That kind of thing. And if I had a choice I would live like this for the rest of my life. It is brilliant.
But I meet lots of people who just can't bring themselves to do nothing. They have to do something all the time, even if there is very little to do. I have a friend who is at university, and less than half way through his holidays he was happy to go back. He'd had enough time off and wanted to start working again. That's not me.
When I was at school people used to get bored during holidays and want to go back to school. I never wanted holidays to end. I've just never had that feeling of 'I need to get back to work'. I could just sit around thinking and reading all day, no qualms.
But is it because I'm lazy? Or is it because I'm just wired that way? I don't know, but I suspect it's a bit of both.
The other thing is that unfortunately life doesn't work the way I wish it did, and I will actually have to do some work in order to live, which is a pity. So, I guess I'll have to go to my job in June, and I'll have to just make the best of earning money, even though it's not my goal.
To be fair, earning money isn't difficult to get used to...
Monday, March 2, 2009
Family Dynamics
I don't believe in family. Or at least the traditional picture of what a family should be.
Actually that's not entirely true. I think a more accurate statement would be that I have never experienced, nor do I desire, the traditional ideal of a family. Because I have never experienced this ideal, not only do I not believe it exists, I don't want to create anything like it in my life.
I was talking to my parents the other day and I said that I don't feel as if I've ever had any specifically 'child-mother' relationship or 'child-father' relationship with either of them, and that I don't see them as my parents.
This probably upset them to a certain extent, but it's the truth. I don't feel any sort of 'unbreakable bond' with anyone in my family, and I have no idea why.
So how do I view the people in my family? Well I view my parents as people who are experienced in life, who love and know me and who want the best for me. But, I treat them the same way I treat most people I meet in life. They don't really stand out in my life as people who are the cornerstone of my beliefs or as people who are involved in every aspect of my life or anything like that.
I wouldn't say that they are 'replaceable' or anything like that, but the way I talk with them, reason with them and relate to them is the same way I relate to my friends and other older people in my life.
They have caused me as much pain in my life as my friends have, they have brought me as much security in my life as my friends have and they have given me as much love as my friends have.
And while this is clearly working because I feel I have a good relationship with my parents, I don't know if it's right.
I look around at my friends, and many other people I encounter, and they have all have a really special relationship with their parents. They have a special way of relating to them, a special level of respect, a special love and the whole idea really is foreign to me.
When I spoke about it to Cate and my mom, Cate said she thought it was probably because we are all introverts [Which we are, to different degrees], and that changes the dynamic because only 25% of people are introverts. Then to have a family of introverts is an even more unique situation, so our relationships with each other are very different.
I don't know if this is the reason, but it sounds feasible.
Perhaps the reason I don't like the idea of a family is because I hate anything that requires blind trust, or blind love. And the family ideal requires people to not only blindly love each other but also to blindly trust each other, and I strongly disagree with both these 'takes' on love and loyalty.
So, I don't believe in family because I don't believe that people should be bound to one another without a choice. Marriage is very different because there is a choice involved at the beginning, but I didn't choose my parents, in the same way I didn't choose where I was born so why should I be required to fulfill any requirement if I haven't made a choice?
But we are born into families, and we are born into a country, so what should the family dynamic be?
Well, I can only speak from my perspective but I would say that family shouldn't require anything from anyone, but should be generous and should love. That's it. Any relationship that grows from that is a bonus. And I believe that's what I have with my family.
I won't lie, it's fucking difficult with Cate at times because I have been hurt badly by the him to her transition, but it is what it is. And I can't really complain about that. And I love my mom, and I love my brother, and they love me so what more can I ask for?
Such is life...
Actually that's not entirely true. I think a more accurate statement would be that I have never experienced, nor do I desire, the traditional ideal of a family. Because I have never experienced this ideal, not only do I not believe it exists, I don't want to create anything like it in my life.
I was talking to my parents the other day and I said that I don't feel as if I've ever had any specifically 'child-mother' relationship or 'child-father' relationship with either of them, and that I don't see them as my parents.
This probably upset them to a certain extent, but it's the truth. I don't feel any sort of 'unbreakable bond' with anyone in my family, and I have no idea why.
So how do I view the people in my family? Well I view my parents as people who are experienced in life, who love and know me and who want the best for me. But, I treat them the same way I treat most people I meet in life. They don't really stand out in my life as people who are the cornerstone of my beliefs or as people who are involved in every aspect of my life or anything like that.
I wouldn't say that they are 'replaceable' or anything like that, but the way I talk with them, reason with them and relate to them is the same way I relate to my friends and other older people in my life.
They have caused me as much pain in my life as my friends have, they have brought me as much security in my life as my friends have and they have given me as much love as my friends have.
And while this is clearly working because I feel I have a good relationship with my parents, I don't know if it's right.
I look around at my friends, and many other people I encounter, and they have all have a really special relationship with their parents. They have a special way of relating to them, a special level of respect, a special love and the whole idea really is foreign to me.
When I spoke about it to Cate and my mom, Cate said she thought it was probably because we are all introverts [Which we are, to different degrees], and that changes the dynamic because only 25% of people are introverts. Then to have a family of introverts is an even more unique situation, so our relationships with each other are very different.
I don't know if this is the reason, but it sounds feasible.
Perhaps the reason I don't like the idea of a family is because I hate anything that requires blind trust, or blind love. And the family ideal requires people to not only blindly love each other but also to blindly trust each other, and I strongly disagree with both these 'takes' on love and loyalty.
So, I don't believe in family because I don't believe that people should be bound to one another without a choice. Marriage is very different because there is a choice involved at the beginning, but I didn't choose my parents, in the same way I didn't choose where I was born so why should I be required to fulfill any requirement if I haven't made a choice?
But we are born into families, and we are born into a country, so what should the family dynamic be?
Well, I can only speak from my perspective but I would say that family shouldn't require anything from anyone, but should be generous and should love. That's it. Any relationship that grows from that is a bonus. And I believe that's what I have with my family.
I won't lie, it's fucking difficult with Cate at times because I have been hurt badly by the him to her transition, but it is what it is. And I can't really complain about that. And I love my mom, and I love my brother, and they love me so what more can I ask for?
Such is life...
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