Rickie's Undate

So, I was chatting to a friend of mine, Rickie, and he's recently moved away from home and started reading my blog. Anyway, he said he missed my blog on Friday [cause I didn't blog on Friday] and wants an update. So here it is...

Friday wasn't the best day I've ever had. It started off quite badly, being woken up far too early for my liking. I had also only gone to bed at about 4am, watching Heroes, so I wasn't feeling very receptive.

Sidebar: Heroes has never been my favorite show. I think the story is cool, but that's it. It's cool. Not great, not awesome just cool. The production is wonderful, and to be honest that's most of the reason I watch the show.

Anyway, Volume 1 was ok, but Volume 2 has not yet impressed. The stories don't interlink strongly enough and everything is extremely predictable. Nothing has come as a surprise yet, including 'Who is Adam Monroe'. Anyway...


So, after not enough sleep, I got up and started reading. Then did nothing for a few hours before starting to try and play a game of dota. We had at least 3 fail games before we got a real one, and then I played like an idiot, which made me extremely angry.

Now, for those of you who don't know what dota is, it's an online strategic role-playing game. Meaning there is an overall strategy as to how to win the game, and then every person plays a character, hence the role-playing aspect. It's quite a lot more complicated than that because every character has to be played differently, and there are 93 characters, you also have to know how to play against characters, or heroes, so you need to know your hero and all the others in the game.

And of course, there are about 70 items to buy, each one having a different impact on each hero, so knowing how the items react with each hero is equally important, then combining that with the strategic element of the game, it's quite complicated.

Well, that's not entirely true. You have to think a lot throughout the game, but it's not difficult. It also requires you to remember a lot, but that's fairly easy too, just takes practice.

Now, I take my dota seriously because I think about it, work on it and do my best in every game, and when I play badly I get fucking pissed off with myself. There's no excuse for playing badly, so it usually puts me in an aggressive mood quite quickly.

So, after a few failed dota games [meaning other people ruined the game for me] we got a good game which I failed in. Not good.

After the failed game I had to get ready to go through to my brother's school where their big band and jazz bands were playing. Now I wasn't really looking forward to it but I wanted to go because my brother was doing sound, so I figured I'd show some support.

But before I left I got some horrible news which didn't brighten my mood, but it's part of life. I went to the concert which lasted about an hour longer than I though it was going to, and while some of it was good, a lot of it wasn't.

After the concert I was hungry but had calmed down and decided to just hang out so I went through to Matt's house, where I stayed until about midnight before coming home for another lame dota. Then I watched more episodes of Heroes which failed to impress, and never blogged.

So, there's your update, I'll post something more meaningful later...

New Adventures 19th - 26th

Friday

I don't actually remember what happened during the day, but on Friday evening one of Alex's friends was going home after holiday so we went to Gandalf's to say goodbye, and it was bloody full. I honestly don't remember it being that full before. Like, it is always full on a Friday but it was extremely full this week.

I don't mind it being full, but I do mind when they play crap music, and they played rubbish music all night which wasn't fun. Having said that it was good fun to see some old friends, including one of the greatest men I know, Wayne.

While it was unpleasantly full and the music was rubbish, the evening wasn't a complete loss on account of the fact that I met a whole host of new people. I met two new guys, Andrew and Jason. Andrew is a baker and invited me to go with him to a strip club. I declined and told him to enjoy himself, which I sure he did. Nice guy though. Jason seemed like a really cool guy with a good sense of humor, but I didn't get to talk to him a lot.

The two girls I met were friends of another girl I already know, Tracey. They were Bronwyn and Nicky. Bronwyn had some pretty cool tattoos, and Nicky hooked up with one of my friends which was nice for him until he was cock blocked by a great man who was drunk and therefore a terrible wingman.

Friday was actually hook up night, with another of my friends hooking up with another old friend of mine, and I'm not sure that's going to turn out all that well, but it was probably fun at the time.

I am not really into the whole 'hook up with a random' thing, but I suppose if both parties are on the same page then it could be fun. I just wouldn't choose to do it. Not saying it's wrong or anything like that, just saying I wouldn't do it. Partially because I've never had a significant other and partially because I don't know if I would be able to separate the physical and the emotional.

Either way, we left at about 1 or so, and it was a mostly cool evening.


Saturday

Saturday was a pretty cool day, which started out fairly slowly. At about lunch time I went to watch Donovan, Alex and Charlie play cricket. We got there and they weren't doing well. Charlie went in and did a really good job at batting, making an impressive total while the rest of the team sort of tried but didn't do all that well.

Donovan was batting well until he made a mistake and then it was over. He did however keep wicket really well, and Charlie continued his streak of being a winner in life by bowling really well and taking a few wickets. The team lost though, so that's a pity.

We left before the game ended so we could get ready to go through to Matt's house where we were going to watch the Pro 20 cricket final. To be honest I was enjoying chatting to Pierre and Gareth more than I watching the cricket so I ended up not really watching the cricket but fun was had in the end so no qualms.

After a really awful display of fire making, we successfully cooked most of the meat. The chicken was still a dodge, but it worked out in the end, I think. The Cobras [our team] won the final in the end which was rather entertaining, and put a smile on pretty much everyone's face.

I did get some news that truly upset me, but in this case there is very little I can do other than be a good friend, so that's what I am going to do.

After the Jizzer arrived at Matt's house we all left and Donovan, Alex, Charlie, Justin, Gareth and I went through to Mercury to see New Altum's new music video launch. The gig was good, with two other bands playing. The first band was pretty good, New Altum were decent and the sound was really good, and the final band, Yes Sir! Mister Machine, were really good too. They were much heavier which I liked, but they had that whole prog vibe going too. The sound was awful though, and as a result I couldn't hear the kick drum, so that was a fail.

After the gig, I hung out a bit upstairs, before Donovan gave me my second double cripple nipple of the night, which resulted in me kicking him very hard in the leg and accidently hitting his nuts too. I felt bad for hitting his balls, but not for kicking him. Then we went downstairs before Gareth and I left.

Charlie was feeling pretty down and so the guys decided to leave, but his night didn't get better after that. I'm not sure exactly how things happened, but basically Charlie really needed to piss so he walked into the corner of the alley and when he came back he had stood in human shit. He tried to clean it off, with very little success.

On the way home, everyone was feeling very sorry for him but they were all super cold because they had the windows open to try and get rid of the smell. It didn't work.


Sunday

Sunday was a quiet day, and all we did was dota and go to church. Church was a bit of a fail though. The music was good, with one of the better mixes I've ever heard there but the sermon was balls. The preacher missed some fairly big points, and then didn't really actually follow the text at all. It was quite a disappointment because it's the second crap sermon in two weeks, so not much fun.

That evening we just went home and played more dota. I can't remember how the game went, but I suspect I did well because over the last 3 weeks or so I've been doing consistently well, so getting much better.


Monday

Monday was a lazy day, and all I did was listen to the new Lamb of God and read a bit. I didn't even write much, which was lame.

In the evening we had a great time though. The Jizzer wanted to meet up with some friends, so we all went through to Mercury for student night and we just went mental. To be fair we usually do go mental, but for some reason Mercury on a Monday night always turns out well. They play mostly good music and we all just dance for 3 - 4 hours solid.

Donovan managed to clear a space on the dance floor before going mental, and at least 30 people stopped dancing and just watched him and Justin dance away in a rather provocative manner, which is always fun. Then a little later they played some rock and the Jizzer and I wanted to headbang but it wasn't quite heavy enough so we let it go. Then a little after that, success. They played some Rage Against The Machine and some Blur and we went mental. Some guys started joining in, headbanging with us and as more space was cleared we went more mental. Eventually about 40% of the people were just watching us and cheering us along, good times.

Later on Donovan managed to create a dancing circle where people were cheering each other along and taking turns in dancing and whatever.

We got there at about 22h00 and left at about 01h00, and it was great.



Tuesday

After Monday night I was keen to just watch some football, so that's what I did. I was a bit surprised by the result between Lyon and Barca, as well as the result between United and Inter. I expected Barcelona to rip Lyon a new one, and Inter to beat United 1-0, but both ended in ties.


Wednesday

After Tuesday's results I felt sure that Chelsea could beat Juventus, and thought Real Madrid would beat Liverpool. Chelsea didn't disappoint, dominating the game and beating Juventus 1-0. It could have been 2-0 but that's how it goes, and I am sure they will beat Juventus in the second leg, but Real surprised me. They lost to Liverpool, simply because they didn't play well. They were just so slow on the ball, I didn't expect that.

Oh well, I guess that's how it goes sometimes.

Swings

I don't know if I'm analysing the situation too much or if it really exists but I have noticed that things in life go through phases. In this case I am referring primarily to romantic relationships and the idea that 'love is in the air'. It seems to me that at times, lots of people are breaking up and at other times lots of people are getting together.

In my view it's very similar to the economy. There are upswings, and downswings, times of prosperity and times of recession. And it seems to apply to most areas of life, which is why I believe it is imperative that we are constantly assessing our lives to find out where we are in the cycle so we can respond appropriately.

The reason I raise this is recently quite a few of my friends have entered romantic relationships, and while in most cases these friends know each other, there are cases where these friends don't know each other at all.

Which begs the question: is it a coincidence or is there a group mentality that pushes people toward a specific thought pattern? And how much of this is related to the resolve that one person has to pursue a relationship with a specific person? And why don't I 'suffer' from this group mentality?

I have seen this cycle run its full course at least three times now, on each occasion studying it trying to find some answers and yet not many seem to be coming my way. On each occasion I notice some sort of spark within one person's approach toward another person, and it seems to be contagious because usually this spark spreads until quite a few people have a changed mindset and are all doing things differently. Every time this happens I just don't seem to catch the spark though, and I'm not sure if it's a good thing or a bad thing, but more on that later.

It is at this stage that the person with the 'spark' changes their attitude and how the react to either a group of people or a specific person and after a few days to weeks a target is aquired. Shortly thereafter the target makes his or her first move. Either they walk away or they engage on some or other level with the original person, and thus begins the flirting etc.

I have noticed that at this stage there are usually a minimum of 5 people engaging differently and at the end of the process at least 50% of them have engaged in a romantic relationship, with the other 50% having been turned down by their target.

Of course the actual pursuit and entering into a relationship is never the same, and can take anywhere from a few hours to a few weeks to complete but it really interests me that it happens to different people in the same way.

I don't understand it, and I also don't understand why I have never felt this 'spark' but it makes for interesting analysis. So, give it some thought and if you have some answers comment and let me know.

I haven't done any research into this but I have given it some thought and it is quite strange on one level and yet totally understandable on another. Perhaps I'm just a weirdo and that's why I don't catch this spark. Either way it scares me a little...

Social Science

Don't you think it's weird how people interact? There are these arbitrary rules that various societies put in place which dictate how people should approach one another, how we should make small talk, what we may or may not share and while these rules keep us within our comfort zone it amazes me at how different the social outlines are from one community to another.

I have a friend who is an amazing guy, but he's seen by many as being somewhat socially retarded, even though he isn't really. But why is he seen that way? It's not because he's that different from any of us, it's because he will, on occasion, break the social norms in some rather surprising manner that makes everyone somewhat weary of him.

And yet I don't think he sees himself as breaking the norm. He comes from a different community and nothing he is doing is blatantly weird, it's just the small things that are not what we'd expect. The way he carries himself makes all the difference...

You see, when people are pushed from their comfort zones they either sink or swim, and most people would rather paddle back to shore than go diving. Ok, that's a crap way of saying it but you know what I mean.

I love hanging out with this friend of mine simply because he makes other people uncomfortable. I find it so amusing to see how people try and interact with this person who isn't doing anything wrong and yet they are on edge. Also, he's a really great guy.

I for one, absolutely love adhering to social norms in some ways so that I can break them in other ways, thereby getting a far more violent reaction from people. I'll wear a collared shirt and then headbang to Lamb of God, or speak about a passage of scripture and then call someone a cunt. It's wonderful. That look on their face, the expression in their eyes; priceless.

But who decided that these are the rules we should follow? Who decided that this is how we should interact? I don't know how these norms were formed, although I'm sure the debate would be extremely interesting and would require a massive amount of research, but I am glad that they exist. Without them people would be on edge even more than they already are, and I would have been cheated of some of the most entertaining moments in my life.

Another Chelsea Post

So, I've got about 30 daily readers now, so hello all. I also know a few of you hate it when I talk about Chelsea, but I don't care so here we go.

The team have had rather a busy time of late, having lost a manager and gained a new one. I had my doubts about Scolari, and specifically his tactical abilities. He just seemed to run out of ideas far too often and the team never seemed as if they were on top of things after the opposition neutralised their biggest play, which was their full backs.

But since he's left the team look like they have more ideas, they look sharper and have more width and pace in their game, and they've only played twice since Scolari was sacked.

I do however think that Chelsea need at least 5 new players, especially since Scolari sold 6 players and only replaced one of them. I also think that some of the players that are currently in the squad should be worried, because they aren't playing at the level they should.

So, here's what I think Chelsea need:
A new left back [Wayne Bridge was sold]
A new goalkeeper [Carlos Cudicinni was sold]
A new central midfielder [Claude Makelele was sold]
A new winger [Shaun Wright-Phillips was sold]
A new striker [Andriy Shevchenko was sold]

And here are the players that I think may find themselves in hot water:
Deco [hasn't really done what you'd hope since he arrived]
Richardo Quaresma [Only on loan, so he might not be bought]
Brainslav Ivanovic [Always looks a bit shakey at the back]
Flourent Malouda [I haven't seen him perform well in a long time]


I think that Guus Hiddink will stay on after the end of this season, and I think that he'll probably be a long term fixture, simply because he is working well with the team, he and Roman Abramovich seem to be close and the RFU have hinted that they don't foresee any problems with him combining two jobs.

I think he'll work well with the team because he's known for his technically correct style of football, as well as his tactical abilities, which is what Chelsea are in need of.

He also seems to favor the diamond formation, which is the same formation that Jose Mourinho founded the team on, and as a result the core of the team are built around. Why fix something which isn't broken? Sure they have lost a few players, but only one of them was a central player, Makelele, but the rest of the team are still there, and they can either replace Makelele or train someone to do a similar job.

Now that I've had my say, I wont' talk about football for a while, so you can relax...

What Are You Doing At The Moment?

So I didn't know what to blog about, so I figured I'd just blog about how I feel right now. To sum it up in one word, disappointed. I'm not sure what exactly is causing me to feel disappointed, but it's how I feel.

Disappointment should theoretically only be brought about when someone's expectations haven't been met, irrespective of how irrational those expectations may be. Now, because I don't know what's caused me to feel disappointed, I need to look at everything that's happened of late, and then asses how they turned out and if I had any expectation as to how I wanted them to turn out. If the two don't match up, that's where the problem probably lies.

The first thing that springs to mind is church. I went to church tonight, and it was a let down of note. You see I've been looking around for a church for a while now, and my top priority is finding a church that actually preaches from the Bible every week. This is proving to be far more difficult that I'd hoped, but I suspect it'll be worth the wait. Anyway, tonight I went to a church that usually does preach from the Bible, but this week [and last week] they didn't really follow the text on any level which made me sad. In fact, not only did the preacher not follow the text, but he spoke a fair amount of shit too. Not great, but not the source of my disappointment, because I don't care enough to make me this disappointed.

I played a few games of dota today, and did fairly well in most of them so I don't think that's the source of my disappointment either.

The other things that have happened were all involving relationships I have, and surprisingly all involve women.

The first is more of a family vibe. My mom and I had a massive debate this afternoon about National Service, which I think is dumb and wrong. She clearly doesn't see it that way. Now, I love a good debate, and will often get fairly worked up, and end up crushing a person because of their views on some or other topic. I don't see it as a personal attack, but rather part of the debate, and this afternoon I crushed my mom pretty badly, and she took offence. I apologised, but I felt a bit bad about it. Possibly a contributing factor, but the reason.

I also had a heavy discussion with Cate [who used to be my father] about our relationship yesterday, and I was very honest about how I saw our relationship before the sex change, and since, and I think that went well. So, probably not the source of the problem either.

The final one has to do with a friendship where I feel as if I have given to this particular person, and while I don't know what I should be expecting in return, I also do expect something, and nothing is forthcoming. It's a strange situation, and I suspect that this is where most of the problem is coming in. I think that my expectations could be a bit high, but possible not unreasonable. At the same time, even if I lowered my expectations they still wouldn't be met at this moment in time.

But because of how the relationship has worked out in the past I don't feel as if I should say anything at all, so I am just going to leave it for now.

I'm still disappointed though, partially in other people's reactions to what I have done and partially in my reaction to what other people have done. And I'm not sure what to do, but I guess it's all part of the journey...

Middle Ground

I make sexually inappropriate jokes. I make them often and I'm unlikely to stop any time soon simply because I find them very funny. I crack "that's what she said" jokes the most, and they always put a smile on my face.

Now, these jokes provoke two different reactions. First is laughter. Someone hear's the joke and has a lol because they also find it funny. I suppose that's the reaction I'm going for, and it's the reaction I usually have to these jokes.

The second reaction is that of disgust. People here these jokes and are immediately offended. This is not the desired reaction, but it is one that I encounter from time to time. Now, clearly these people are offended in some way or another, but why?

One is only offended when his or her values are violated in some way, and while this is never my objection it is unlikely to stop me from doing what I was doing because I don't know if your values are relevant or founded on what I believe to be truth.

I don't want to go into the debate as to how we define truth, or how we create values and principles [even though those are wonderful debates] because in this case I am more interested in the reaction people have to sexual jokes.

There are two extremes when it comes to people's perception of sex. On the one side we have people who don't value sex at all, and will have it at any time with anyone for any reason. On the other side we have people who believe that sex is a sacred act that may only be performed with a single, specific person in their lives and should never be spoken about ever.

Now, having a lot of sex all the time is appealing, but doesn't fit into my idea of how things should be done, but at the same time the idea of never speaking about sex doesn't seem right either. So where is the middle ground? Should there even be a middle ground?

I think that I fall somewhere in the middle, leaning more toward the 'sex with one person' ideal, but I am [as I'm sure you've picked up] open to talking about anything, including sex, and as a result I don't respond to sex in a very violent way. I don't feel offended when people talk about sex, and I don't feel offended when people make sexual jokes. I won't have sex until I get married though.

I don't know if my ideal is too liberal, or not conservative enough, but it's honest and that's what makes the difference for me.

Take the Good with the Bad

I have an idea, and there are a few people who share this idea, that the true meaning of anything can only be determined when there is a relevant reference point with which to contrast the truth which is being portrayed. The darkness is only as dark as the light which has been revealed.

If a man has lived in a 'bubble' his whole life, with all of his needs and wants fully met, even the smallest event, perhaps his favorite plant dying, would be a life changing event. In the same way, a child who has grown up in abject poverty, without parents or siblings may appreciate a smile more than many would ever imagine.

Of course there are external factors that come into play, such as the man seeing photos of people suffering from famine, or the child meeting a wealthy family in his area, but these experiences are only as effective as his understanding of what he is seeing.

So, as a person who is trying to convey a truth, it is imperative that not only the truth be portrayed accurately, but the context in which the truth resides must be subject to the same scrutiny.

Now, the big problem comes in when we are trying to understand people rather than truths about life, the universe and everything; simply because we can't understand the context of a person's perception without knowing their history, which is also subject to their interpretation.

Their interpretation of their history does however give us a glimpse into a person's reasoning behind decision making. This indicates their state of mind as well as the principles by which they are likely to govern their lives.

So, does one ever know a person? If the facts about their lives are tainted by not only their perception but our perception too, do we ever have clear, unmanipulated facts? Well, many would argue that we don't. I would argue that it doesn't matter.

I believe that principles are what make a person who they are, not their experiences. The defining point in any one's life is how they react to the difficult situations they find themselves in rather than the situation itself.

The way you control what you can is what makes you who you are. Integrity.

New Adventures 12th - 19th.

Friday

Friday morning Justin, Gareth, Stacey and I went through to UCT to hang out and watch aKing play. The day didn't get off to a good start. After sitting in traffic for quite a while, we got to UCT only to find out that Gareth had missed two of his first classes, thinking they only started on Monday. We met up with one of our friends, Lauren, and walked around getting the times of all of Gareth's classes for the coming week, still hoping to see a good band and meet up with some other friends.

I called my good friend Matt, only to find that he hadn't gone in that day, so we decided to head through to find out when the band was playing. To our surprise nothing was set up and it wasn't looking as if a band was arriving at all. We asked around before deducing that the band was playing at an event in the evening, and we wouldn't see them at all.

Justin then called one of our other friends, Melissa and we decided to wait for her before we could have a chat. We hung out for about an hour having a good chat and meeting some cool new people.

After a disappointing adventure we went home and got ready to go to the cricket, which was also a bit of a fail. The Dolphins batted really well, but the Cobras failed to impress, resulting in an unsurprising defeat which put a bit of a dampener on an already below average day. The evening wasn't a complete failure though, as Justin and I got to meet up with an old friend from school, Cassandra.

After cricket we all headed home and had a two games of dota, both failures because while Matt, Justin, Donovan and I did well the fifth member in our team lost the game for us twice. All in all, a bad day redeemed by meeting new people and old friends.


Saturday

Saturday was a mellow day for me. I had a good discussion and then went with the Jizzer and Gareth to Canal Walk where we sort of hung out and walked around doing things all guys do. Shop. Ok, that's a joke but we did go shopping. Good times.

After that we organised lifts and then went through to a friend's valentine's party, which was fun. Callie is a great girl, and we all went through to hang out and have a braai with a bunch of mostly single people. There were a few couples, but no one was hanging on anyone else, looking as if the world were about to end and they needed to make the most of their time now, which I appreciated.

It was there that I had my wonderful chat with the guy, Scott, from New York. He's a really great guy who has very similar interests. He's a thinking kind of person which I really enjoyed. But he's also very practical, giving Matthew (and everyone else) a lesson in 'manscaping'. He and Lee (his boyfriend, also one of the greatest people I've ever met) really knew what they were talking about, and it was a lot of fun.

Feeling the need to prove his manhood, Donovan taught Janice and I how to play 'Death Rock-Paper-Scissors' before proceeding to play and thereby inflict extreme amounts of pain upon one another. I don't think we can hold Janice full responsible for his actions, because he was poisoned at the time. You see, Janice took a Styrofoam cup filled with some sort of vodka mixture and put it on the braai. The cup proceeded to melt, releasing 'poisonous fumes' into the liquid. Seeing the melting Jan decided that he should immediately down the rest of his drink. I don't know why but he did. Hence his poisoning.

At about 01h30 we all piled into my car and headed home after having a great time.

I would like to thank Callie for a great party, even though I know she hates my blog and won't read this.


Sunday

Sunday was a fairly good day. We played dota all afternoon, then went to Common Ground where we heard a less than impressive sermon, and then went home and played another two games of dota. The first one was a fail because I had a fool in my lane who fed a Tidehunter who then proceeded to kill me while I tried to save the fool. Donovan and Justin also fed a bit, but to be fair it was a very difficult lane. After that it was gg, with the entire team fed there was nothing we could do.

The second game was far more successful, all of us choosing appropriate heroes and then working well together, we pretty much raped the opposition team, ripping them a new one, no qualms.


Monday

Monday was a fail day. I drove around all day getting stuff together for my job application, then later finding out that I can only go on training in June. Not great. After that I got a new cellphone, which was already broken. Damn thing won't charge. Then my mom asked me not to go out, for no apparent reason. Good times...


Tuesday

Early start to the day, which I didn't enjoy, and a lot of driving made Tuesday a rather long and tiring day. In the end I drove about 150km, a lot of it during peak traffic, which really wasn't fun.

At the end of the day my car started smoking and there was a burning smell. I took it to the service place only to find that the car was simply missing its oil cap. I don't know why or how, but it was gone and I had to get another one.

Then we had an average game of dota, and I played Lion for the first time and didn't fair well, but I reckon I can learn him eventually.

After dota I had an interesting conversation with a rather funny girl named Brianna. Funny 'haha' not funny weird, although she could turn out to be weird in the end. I don't know.


Wednesday

For some reason my mother invited about 15 people to my house on Wednesday, without thinking about what they were going to have for dinner, when she was going to get of work to prepare the said dinner, or who was going to clean the house. I don't know how or why, but I ended up spending a lot of the day cleaning, driving around fetching things and generally helping.

When the guests arrived I ducked out, and went to see a film that I regret paying for: Seven Pounds. It was shit. Don't see it, ever. The first hour of the film, the characters don't develop in any way and there's just a lot of crying. Then there's more crying with an emotional connection between two of the characters, and then the entire story is told in 10 minutes at the end. I was sad I'd seen that film, really I was.

After the film we, being Donovan, Justin, Matt and I, went to have a drink with Johann. We ended up talking about tv shows, dota and relationships. Anyone can guess which one the Jizzer is winning at, as well as which one Matt is winning at...

After a good chat Johann told us that he's an avid D&D fan, and that we should have a game. I've never played, but have wanted to for a long time, so I'm really keen. Pierre also plays so it'll be good fun.

After hanging out for a while, I went home and watched a film named 'Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang' which was really good, and in comparison to 'Seven Pounds' it looked even better. So if you have a choice, watch 'Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang'.

Blocks

So, today I had a fairly busy day, and when I sat down to blog I had very little energy and not much motivation. I watched a bit of a dvd and listened to some music trying to find inspiration, but didn't really feel like writing about anything.

Well, that's not true, I did feel like writing about a few things, but they would have taken far too long to write, so I decided to put it off for now.

Tomorrow will be New Adventures, so I'm sure you'll all have a lol, and on Friday I'll have something better for you to read.

25 Random Facts

So I was tagged in this thing where someone gives 25 facts about themselves, and then you have to do the same or something, so instead of doing in on fb I did it on my blog. Enjoy.

1) I believe I'm one of the smartest people I know because I did an IQ test and the psychologist told me my result was too high to be accurately measured by any testing. As a result I believe I can do anything I want in life.

2) My biggest fear in life is success. I don't know how to deal with it. It feels wrong.

3) My deepest desire is that I'll die. I can't imagine any greater relief than to not have to do anything ever again. Unfortunately I don't believe it works that way.

4) I hate computers and technology because none of it ever works the way it should. That's why I dropped out of IS Engineering.

5) I truly hate children, but I love my cats. I call then 'my boy' and other things parents call their children because I feel like their father or something. Sometimes I walk around at night calling their names because I want to know where they are. I don't want any of them to get hurt.

6) I don't read as much as I wish I did.

7) I've never gotten on with my father. Its not that we fought or anything, there just wasn't ever any connection. In an attempt to get my dad to live up to what my mom thought were his obligations, she used to make us go on monthly 'outings' when I was 10 or so. I hated them because we would do something stupid like go to Kirstenbosch Gardens and walk around for a few hours, not saying a single word to each other.

8) I love my friends more than anything else in the world. Up until the age of 20 I felt alone in the world, but now I feel as if there are people around me who not only have a similar outlook on life, but actually understand me.

9) Romance scares me. I've never known how to deal with it so I run from it. I don't know if I'll ever have a girlfriend because of it.

10) I watch football, trawl the internet and play dota as an escape from my mind.

11) I worry about other people's happiness too much. If any of my friends are sad I literally feel pain in my body, especially if I can't help their situation.

12) I believe in total honesty and don't mind telling anyone anything about my life as long as they are open to not only hearing it but also engaging in conversation.

13) There are three things I believe in when it comes to life: God / YHVH, people and knowledge / philosophy. Everything else is meaningless.

14) I don't believe people ever change; you just see a different side of them.

15) Of the things in life I love, music is the thing I love the most. Music has quite literally kept me alive and I listen to it for about 16 hours a day.

16) Some people have told me that my life is sad, but I don't think it is. Everyone's life is equally sad because it's all relative to your experience of life. I do however feel that I embrace my emotions more than most people do.

17) Other than music, I absolutely love films, theater, philosophy, theology and science. Pretty much anything I can analyise and obsess about.

18) I hate working with my hands. I can't build things, paint things or get my hands dirty in any way.

19) I can't take it when things are disorganised, cluttered or just not neat. It literally gives me anxiety.

20) When I become interested in a topic I pursue it relentlessly until I understand it fully. Once I know what's going on, and usually know most of what there is to know, I discard it and usually never look at it again because I find it boring.

21) The last time I cried was in 2003, because I was tired and couldn't figure out how to remember some elements on the periodic table. While crying I realised that I will survive almost everything I encounter in life, so instead of getting emotional I should just do things. I do often feel pain inside my body though, whether it be because of heartache, nerves or disappointment. I don't think it's healthy but I don't know how to cry.

22) I have a very dry sense of humor, and most people don't understand why I find some things funny. Often people will make a sarcastic remark and I will almost fall over laughing but no one else thinks it's even slightly amusing. I think that's why I find it funny actually...

23) If someone dares me to, or askes me to do something they don't think I will I almost always do it immediately.

24) 'Female' biology makes me feel lightheaded. And I have a mild phobia of vaginas because of it. I think its because I did fairly extensive research into the female repoductive organs and the pictures on Wikipedia didn't help. I do however really want to have sex. That's for sure.

25) I really feel uncomfortable wearing bright or light colours. I can't bring myself to wear white, and I even feel uncomfortable wearing a pale blue shirt I own. I wear mostly black because I feel comfortable in it.

The Saga Continues

Ok, so today I imported my blog into Facebook, so if you're my friend on FB you can read there but you can also continue to visit the blog or receive an RSS feed if that's what you're more comfortable with. No qualms.

Anyway, for those of you who have been reading oveer the last few weeks you'll know that I applied for a job as an Air Traffic Controller and after some psychometric testing and a follow up interview I was accepted. After that things started going pear shaped though...

I went to see the doctor for a medical exam and I told him that I'd been on anti depressants in the last 2 months. I had a feeling that it would be a problem but decided to tell the truth, and it turns out it was a problem. I had to go to my psychiatrist, Eugene, and he gave me a report which I could only give to the doctor on Monday (today).

This, however, was a problem because the documentation needed to be in Joburg by Friday. Not great.

After getting the report to the doctor this morning I took the relevant information to the airport, only to find that the lady I had been dealing with is currently on leave for two weeks. And the new lady wasn't sure what to say to me, but I suspected she knew something I didn't.

Later that day I contacted the office again and it turns out that the doctor had spoken to the recruitment office in Joburg and they had decided that they want to employ me but because of the medication it can only be in June.

So I will be working as an Air Traffic Controller, but will only start training in June.

At the moment I am sad because I wanted to start working soon, but also relieved because I finally have an answer. The truth is that ever since I started the application process things have felt very disorganised, and as a result I have been very reserved and have felt uneasy about the process. When the doctor told me that the medication was going to be a problem I sort of knew that I would only be going in June, but decided to do my best and see what happened.

I'm happy to be able to say that I've done my best and things may not have worked out the way I was hoping they would, but such is life.

I believe that very few people are called to some massive task, and in most cases we should just shut up and get on with out lives living the best way we can. So that's what I'm going to do.

NT's Wright

I read this in NT Wright's book "The New Testament and the People of God", and can be found on page 10. This is exactly what I have been thinking for about 3 or 4 years now but haven't been able to put across anywhere near as eloquently as this brilliant man has. Have a read, it's very interesting...

"Here is the paradox that lies at the heart of this whole project. Although the Enlightenment began as, among other things, a critique of orthodox Christianity, it can function, and in many ways has functioned, as a means of recalling Christianity to a genuine history, to its necessary roots. Much Christianity is afraid of history, frightened that if we really find out what happened in the first century our faith will collapse. But without historical enquiry there is no check on Christianity's propensity to remake Jesus, never mind the Christian god, in its own image. Equally, much Christianity is afraid of scholarly learning, and in so far as the Enlightenment programme was an intellectual venture, Christianity has responded with the simplicities of faith. But, granted that learning without love is sterile and dry, enthusiasm without learning can easily become blind arrogance. Again, much Christianity has been afraid of reducing a supernatural faith to a rationalist categories. But the sharp distinction between the 'supernatural' and the 'rational' is itself a product of Enlightenment thinking, and to emphasize the 'supernatural' at the expense of the 'rational' or 'natural' is itself to capitulate to the Enlightenment worldview at a deeper level than if we were merely to endorse, rather than marginalize, a post-Enlightenment rationalist programme.

"It is, therefore, impossible of Christianity to ignore or relativize the 'modernist' challenge of the eighteenth and subsequent centuries. This does not mean, of course, that we must simply endorse the Enlightenment critique; merely that its questions must remain on the table. And, as I shall argue later, the postmodern critique of the Enlightenment itself, while placing very necessary restraints on Enlightenment ambitions, does not (as some would like to think) invalidate the 'modern' project lock, stock and barrel. While the dispute between the tenants continues, it would be a bold person who presumes to speak for the Owner.

"All this may sound very negative. Reading the New Testament seriously, at the present moment in Western culture, sounds so problematic that some may feel like giving it up. The vineyard is overcrowded and apparently unfruitful. But this response, too, would be inappropriate. Whatever one's viewpoint, this text matters. If the Christian clams for the New Testament are anywhere near the truth, we cannot see it as a safe garden into which Christians can retreat from their contemporary world. It must function as part of the challenge and address of the creator god to the contemporary world. If, however, the Christian claims about the New Testament are false, then (as critics since the eighteenth century have been saying) the sooner its deficiencies are pointed out, the better. Whether, therefore, one has a Christian or non-Christian point of view, a thorough examination of this text is a necessary responsibility."

Emotions Running Deep

So for those of you who don't know me personally I will discuss anything. Literally anything. It's actually part of the reason I don't enjoy hanging out with Christian people, because there are so many taboo topics. And even when I did hang out with a lot of Christian people, I was often trying to discuss things people don't like to talk about because they are either 'worldly' or 'impolite conversation' or whatever.

But with non-Christians you can talk about anything. No only that, but in my experience they are far more open and honest than Christians usually are. I've had the most wonderful chats with men and women, gay and straight, about the strangest things, and people are totally honest about their thoughts and feelings, it's wonderful.

In the last week I have spoken about the menstrual cycle, personal hygiene, stages within a relationship, financial management, what Ephesians 4 and 5 really means, what the book of John is all about and what it is like to live in New York City.

Now, I'm not having a go at Christians or Christianity, it's just that I would prefer that people were honest about their feelings, emotions and physical urges rather than just not talking about them, or even worse denying them all together.

But that's not the point of today's blog at all, I'm actually just saying that I will talk about anything. Last night, however, I spoke about a sensitive topic and learned more than I thought I would.

I was chatting to a wonderful gentleman named Scott, who lives in New York City, and he was telling me about what it's like to live in downtown Manhattan which was quite interesting. Then I asked a question which got rather an emotional response, and that shocked me to some extent. I asked him if he was in New York on September 11, and he said yes.

Immediately he started to get very emotional and I could see that he had pain in his eyes just by bringing the topic up. I asked him if he would prefer not to talk about it and he said yes. I respect that and stopped asking questions, but it really did help me to put a face to an emotion.

For an outsider, it's very easy to sit back, look at the numbers and come to a conclusion based on that, but when you take into account the lives involved, the figures really just aren't enough to convey the message. I had a similar experience recently when I watched Valkyrie, and I even blogged on this very topic this week I think.

But to meet someone, and to see the pain in their eyes, it realy is an amazing experience. I know it's easy to fall into the trap of saying, "More people die of starvation every day than those who died in the World Trade Center" but that doesn't mean that we can detract from the immensity of 9/11, it just means we need to increase our effots to reduce starvation.

So here's the lesson I've learned: Human life is more valuable than we could ever imagine, and tragedies are almost always much bigger than we, or at least I, give them credit for. I don't think I need to take time to cry every day for people who have died, but I do think that I should be more mindful of people's sacrifices, particuarly the people I meet in day to day life.

Stray Arrows

So today was Valentine's day and it was very uneventful. I went to Canal Walk with a few friends and did some shopping and then went to a party at a friend's house. The party was good, had a few good times and got to meet some cool people.

With it being Valentine's day there were quite a few couples around and yet it was great because only one of the couples there were hanging on each other all the time, and no one really noticed to be honest. Usually at parties couples can't stop groping each other.

Anyway, I suspect there may have been some mixed signals throughout the evening, but I'll get back to you on that when it makes sense...

Solitude

I've never experienced love. Well, romantic love. I've never been in love with a girl, I've never experienced companionship and the truth is that when I look at the variables I don't know if I want that in my life.

From what I've been told, a romantic interest grows from a mutual friendship / interest and in order for a relationship to succeed it needs to be based on and grow from a friendship. Now, I know it doesn't always start the same way but at the end of the day if you aren't friends with your significant other, you've got big problems.

But why change things? If you are friends with someone why risk that friendship with a romantic interest that is likely to not only change how the friendship operates but also how it will end.

Many of my friends have been in relationships over the years, and the truth is that people in relationships seem to spend at least 50% of their time either fervently working on their relationship or in fear that it will be the end of their relationship soon. Of the other 50%, about 25% is spent enjoying the relationship while the other 25% is spent preparing for or recovering from a major fallout.

Now, with my friends I spend about 95% of my time enjoying our friendship and 5% of the time working through issues. Why would I want to cut that down from 95% to 25% of the time?

Another thing is companionship. Is that all it's really cracked up to be? People say it's great to have someone you can go through life with, but at the end of the day when you lie awake at night it's only you awake. No one else is there. No one else can experience your anguish, nor should they. A person can only journey with you so far, after that you really are on your own.

And even if a person could journey with you all the way, why would you do that to people? I have experienced the most terrible nights in my life where I truly feel as if there is no hope, and my emotions are crushing my intellect, body and soul. Why would I want anyone to go through that? I wouldn't wish the anguish I've felt on my worst enemy, let alone someone I'm supposed to love with all my heart.

So why do people engage in relationships? I don't know, I don't understand it. Perhaps if I experience a relationship my viewpoint would change, but for now I think I'll stay in my comfort zone. So far it's working just fine...

New Adventures 5th - 12th

This week is a bit of a lame New Adventures because I did it in a rush, but I'm sure you'll get the idea...

Friday

Friday evening was my good friend Gareth's birthday so we all headed through to his house for a braai and a hub. Matt and I got him a great cigar for his birthday, which I am sure he will enjoy immensely. The party was fun, and Pierre and I had a great chat about principles in the Bible and what we should expect from each other over a cigar. I really like cigars by the way, so the evening was a good one. We ended up just hanging out and chatting until about 01h30 before Matt, Donovan and I left to have a dota. It ended up being a bit of a fail, but we did do a bit of experimentation with a new strategy which didn't work in the end.


Saturday

Didn't do much. I watched V for Vendetta with my brother after going shopping with him, and then had a few games of dota. Everyone was busy so I just hung out at home and had a mellow evening. Ended up writing a reasonable blog though...


Sunday

Sunday afternoon we went to Donovan's house to watch some football, and then we headed through to a great church called Common Ground. It was Matthew's first adventure to a new church in a while, and Jan came along too which was great. The sermon wasn't amazing or anything like that, but it was Biblical and the worship was heartfelt and I appreciated that.

Janice also came along, and I think he enjoyed it, so that was good.


Monday

Monday I did some shopping and in the evening we started having a dota, which turned out to be a fail game. The second game we tried was also a fail because we were ripping the opposition team a new one, so it wasn't going to be any fun. Then Justin called Donovan and told him he was going to meet a friend at Mercury and would he like to go along.

We all abandoned our games of dota and Gareth, Donovan, Justin and I headed out to Mercury. We left at about 22h00 and after meeting up with the new friend we pretty much danced for 4 hours straight. No qualms. We also met up with Cruz and Nicole, both of whom are people we knew from church, and it was great also.

The music got much better at about 01h30, and we ended up having a great time headbanging to Nirvana and SOAD, which of course got us a lot of attention, even though it didn't work out for anyone in the end.


Tuesday

Tuesday morning I had my medical exam for my application to become an Air Traffic Controller. It was less fun than you'd hope, although I did get my first EKG and x-ray which was fun. I had to strip down to my boxers while the doctor poked me all over the place to test nerve reactions and blood pressure and all that. Then I had to piss in a cup, before doing a lung test. Apparently my lungs are 20% bigger than someone my age and height's should be, so I think that's good.

After sitting there for quite a while, I was told that because I had been on anti depressants I needed to go and see a psychiatrist and get a report, otherwise I would have to wait until June to partake in training, which was rather a daunting thought. After making my appointment I had a fail dota with a bunch of idiots, but whatever.


Wednesday

I saw Andre [my psychologist] and then went to fetch my brother from school. I hate doing that because I hate traffic but it needs to be done and I love him, so roll with the punches.

After the most dreadful trip along the M5 I had a great game of dota with two guys from the top clan in South Africa. Wow, those guys are really good. Then I went out with some friends to see the new Ricky Gervais movie, Ghost Town. It was ok, nothing amazing, but it was enjoyable. It's about a guy who accidentally dies and is then brought back to life during a surgery. After this experience he can see dead people and has to learn to be a kind person. It's funny but not the best film I've ever seen. Come to think of it, of all the films in my favorites category, only one or two of them are comedies...

After the film I came home and read a bit, then watched another two films at home. The first was called "The Heartbreak Kid". It was ok, but the story didn't inspire me to take a risk on girls at all, which is something that I have been thinking about a lot of late. So, probably shouldn't take any of the lessons learned to heart. After that I watched a great film called "Numb". Numb is about a man who suffers from depression and depersonalisation disorder, and his journey from trying to find a cure to realizing that the only cure is to learn to live with it. I think that I enjoyed the film because I could relate to it really strongly, specifically because I have experienced a lot of what the character does in the film, and I have made the same journey. When you are depressed you do dumb things, and nothing feels real. I can clearly remember being in a room, but feeling as if I was watching from a third person perspective and not knowing if I am dreaming or if I am awake. It's the most strange feeling that comes and goes even now, but learning to live with it is the only way to improve. If you don't know how depression works it's worth a watch.


Thursday

Thursday wasn't a good day. I started out by going to the psychiatrist and getting the report, only to find that the medical results needed to be in Joburg along with a signed contract by Friday. Unfortunately the doctor I need to see is not available until Monday, so I may only be able to start training in June, which is what I was trying to avoid. Well, life doesn't always work out the way you want it to, but I suppose it's all part of the journey...

I'm going to sit in traffic again now, as I have to fetch Jon from school, which won't be fun.

The Baby in the Bath

No one interprets things the same way. We all have a past and that past directly influences our outlook on the present. Its not a negative thing, it's reality, and knowing how other people's past influence their perception is imperative because it helps us to 'correct' our perception where we need to. The key really is finding a middle ground.

But this is much easier said than done, not only because we are human and see what we want to but also because without a reference point we don't know where the middle ground is. It's fine to bridge the gap between two people, but what do you do when there are 5 or 6 people in a community who have different ideas? At this point finding a middle ground becomes somewhat lopsided.

And this is where 'Absolute Truth' comes into play. Now, Absolute Truth is an extremely tricky topic, and I could probably write an entire book about how I perceive it to work, and where it comes into play, and how it is moulded versus what it actually is and about a thousand other things, but I try to keep my blogs between one and two pages so we won't go there just yet.

But I will say that if we are to bridge the gap between people we need a truth, even if it isn't Absolute Truth, to use as a reference point. So, problem solved. No, you see everyone has a different interpretation of the 'truth' in question, and very few of the people are going to be right. Sure they will agree on the basics in most cases, but there will always be details that will be debated over until the cows come home.

Take for example programming. You can give four programmers the same objective and they will all go about achieving those objectives in completely different ways. Sure the basics will be the same but the actual execution of knowledge will differ. As long as all the parties have the basics nailed, no one will be wrong.

This same concept applies to anything, including Christianity. There is however one major problem with Christianity in my opinion. The bar is far to low. Modern day Christianity requires people to have 'faith' and that's it. No one needs to have any reasons, just faith. This means that while people believe they have the basics, they actually don't. And this leads to much bigger problems, like misinterpretation of doctrine and a misunderstanding of faith. In some cases people don't even know what being a Christian actually requires.

But the problem isn't that people are idiots, or that they are lazy or anything else like that. The problem is that people dismiss things they don't entirely understand as being meaningless in favor of 'blind faith', and by doing so they throw the baby out with the bathwater.

You see, faith is meaningless without action, but if you don't understand what is required you'll never know what action to take, thereby making your faith meaningless too.

Now you may be saying, "Well this man is an intellectual person and he is going to take things further than they need to be taken", and that is true to some extent but there has to be a middle ground. I'm willing to have more faith if you're willing to do some thinking, and that's what the world needs. Some people to sit down and use their brains..

Simply The Best

People are quick to judge, but are only supportive when it benefits them which I find rather interesting. What's made me say this? Well at the moment I'm going through the process of getting a job as an Air Traffic Controller, and as a result of my depression, and being on anti-depressants, I may be turned down for the job.

It's not an ideal situation, but it is what it is. At the moment I'm saying to myself "I'm here to do my best, and that means doing what I can and being honest" but from another perspective one could simply look at the results and see that at the moment it's looking as if I might not get the job. And the situation would be even worse if in a few weeks I don't get the job, people could easily look at the situation and come to the conclusion that I have failed in my attempt to get this job. That's not an inaccurate statement, but it is one that hasn't been completely researched.

So which one is the correct approach? Well I guess it depends on which answer you were looking for. If you were hoping I'd get the job then you'd say "Well he did his best" but if you were indifferent then you'd be far more likely to say "He failed."

My personal opinion is that if I hadn't told the truth then I would have failed, simply because I value my integrity more than I value this job. As a result of that I chose to tell the truth and this is the consequence. It isn't a punishment, it's life.

But it has made me think, how often do we look at results and come to conclusions that may or may not be valid? If a man with down syndrome doesn't become a brilliant physics does that mean he has failed? If a man with a good family becomes a drug addict does that mean he has failed? If a woman becomes a brilliant physicist does that mean she has succeeded? One can not make these types of judgements without investigating the situation of the person in question, but at the same time we can't become personally acquainted with everyone we meet. It's just not possible.

So what's the solution? I suppose it's different for every person, but for me the solution is to hold back on the judgement in general, and take an interest in people who are in 'the room' with me at the time. If you don't get to know people you'll never impact anyone, and that would be a pity.


Facts do lie...

The Anonymity of Ideology

This Saturday I watched one of my favorite films again; V for Vendetta. Every time I watch that film I learn something new about our society and the lives we live. For those of you who haven't seen the film I strongly recommend watching it because it's bloody brilliant.

In the film the government controls ever thing and everyone, and a masked man who calls himself 'V' decides to do something about it. He does this by creating chaos in rather brilliant ways. Toward the end of the film he sends out hundreds of thousands of masks, the same mask he wears, and allows people to pledge their allegience to him by wearing them. The people who receive these masks believe that they are now part of something bigger than themselves and launch themselves into chaos. By wearing these masks they adopt V's principles and rules and are thereby no longer bound by social morals.

This got me thinking about Christianity and the church as a whole. It's easy for us to say "Well, the church has made mistakes in the past" and not take any responsibility for it, when the truth is that it was people who made those mistakes and in order to make things better for ourselves and others we need to carry the can now.

At the same time, people like to believe things that work for them and when they are questioned why they reply "I'm a Christian". That type of response is not only useless but it demeans the person trying to get an answer and it makes you look like a dickhead because you can't string more than one doctrine together.

And this is where the problem comes in for me. I actually don't want to be associated with the church or Christianity simply because the average church goer doesn't ever think about anything but rather takes what they can and hides behind the term "Christian" or "Church" because up until now it has worked for them. They think that by adopting the term "Christian" they are becoming part of something bigger than themselves, which isn't the case at all. They also think that in order to become part of this 'larger entity' they need to adopt a way of thinking which is only partially true.

But by not associating with those people I suspect I am doing more harm than good. Not only because the church is God's plan, but also because I am not improving anything at any stage, and that's not right.

So where do we draw the line? Where do we say "I can't be a part of this" and where do we say "I need to make a difference?" I'm not sure if people's perception should be making a difference in our lives, but by not associating we are doing harm, and that's not the plan. I think it's a journey everyone needs to make, and making a difference is almost always worth the work. One has to have integrity and rely on our own decision making abilities to find where we draw that line.

I suspect that if we were to stop worrying about perception and think more about truth and people, we would stop doing harm and start making a difference...

Wet Pants

For those of you who may not know, last week I received a call from the airport letting me know that after my second interview I had been successful in my job application, and am now a medical checkup and an NIA background check away from signing a contract to start training and ultimately become an Air Traffic Controller.

This is good news because it gives me an international qualification, a career and the ability to earn some decent cash, which I think will be great. There is however one major problem. I am piss scared.

Not scared about doing the work, but about the training. You see, I'm an analyst. I analyse everything around me all the time. I take in as much information as possible and then come to viable conclusions at every step. It's what keeps me alive, but in this case I have a problem. I haven't been able to get much information.

All I know is that I am going to training in Joburg for about 12 weeks and the training is supposed to start on the 23 of February. I don't know anything else and it really worries and scares me.

So what else do I need to know? Well, will I have Internet? Where will I be staying? How often will I be able to do washing? Will I get to go to the shops or do I need to take 3 months of deodorant? Will I need to cook for myself? Will I be sharing a room?

These are the questions I want answers to and I haven't been able to find anything out. It scares me because I don't know how to prepare.

Fear is a strange thing. Theoretically we should only fear things that have an immediate negative threat on our lives, and yet we fear things that have almost no lasting impact on our lives. In this case I know everything will work out irrespective of how it all goes, and I will come out on the other end without any lasting impact. The worst thing that can happen is that I will have to wear a dirty pair of jeans.

And yet this keeps me awake at night. I guess it comes down to what you value the most, and in my life I clearly value information more than I value my own physical safety, literally. I think that our way of thinking has evolved to such an extent that we don't even consider our physical needs. Or at least I don't.

Is this the right approach? I'm not sure, but it sure seems to be an appropriate one.

So should we be changing? I don't know but I'm unlikely to before the end of this month. So for now I will continue my quest for information and not rest until I have more, in every aspect of my life not only this one.

Rome Bound Part 6

Ok, so I know you all hate it when I talk about football in my blog but I don't care. So here's how I see Chelsea's hopes in the three leagues/cups I care about...


Premier League

While it is feasible that Chelsea could win the Premier League it's highly unlikely. The truth is that the team have suffered so many injuries that consistency is almost impossible, and combined with the fact that it is Luiz Feliepe Scolari's first season as coach and that he has the smallest squad in many years the likelihood of them winning is very low. I think they will probably come second, possibly third but not first. That ship has, in my opinion, already sailed.


UEFA Champions League

I think Chelsea can still do really well in Champions League. Chelsea have a very attacking style of play with Scolari, which I love, and things are just starting to come right with the defence really tightening up and the midfield working well with the forward three. Who knows what will happen? If Chelsea string a few good results together, like they have started doing now, they will have the confidence to win. With Drogba being an amazing player and starting to show signs of getting better perhaps he can help the team to lift their game and then I think they will go very far. They probably won't win it this season, but I think that they will win it next season simply because it'll be Scolari's second season in charge and he will have all the money he wants at the end of this season to buy players to fit into what he wants to do. I see good times coming ahead.


FA Cup

Chelsea have done ok in the FA Cup so far this season, and I don't see them suddenly doing badly. I think they want to win it, and they might just do it this season, who knows...


End of the day, Chelsea have struggled with a smaller squad and injuries this season, as well as inexperience, but I don't think it is the end for them. Financially they are in a brilliant position, with no debt, and they have great players and a wonderful budget so as to get even more brilliant players. This is not the end, it's the same thing that all teams go through when you change coach, and it's to be expected.

New Adventures Characters Part 2

Ok, here's the continuation of the introduction to the main characters in 'New Adventures'. I'll tell you all about the more minor characters as we go along...

Pierre

I met Pierre while I was in high school and from the first time I met him I thought "This man know what he's talking about". Pierre is one of those people who reads about a lot in life, and then considers until he has an answer. He doesn't say anything unless he has and understanding of what he is saying, and because he reads a lot he knows a lot. I wish I read as much as Pierre does. Whenever I have a question I am exploring Pierre is my first stop, I don't know how he does it but everytime I talk to him I gain clarity about all kinds of things. Pierre is also an amazing friend in ever arena, extremely supportive and he really has a genuine interest in my life, as well as all of his other friends.


Kelly

Kelly is Pierre's girlfriend, and an amazing girl too. She is also an extremely supportive person who is open to pretty much anything. Ready to explore any topic and open to hearing people out, Kelly really is a great advice giver especially when it comes to girls. I never know what to do but she always does. Wonderful saviour. Having said that I still don't have a girlfriend, but that's not her fault. Another thing about Kelly is that she's super tolerant, she just takes a lot of crap that I wouldn't and does it smiling because she believes that helping her friends doesn't always meaning giving them a piece of her mind.


Stacey

Stacey is a very quiet girl who truly cares for everyone she meets. She is always happy to give of herself, and never scared of really getting to know someone. While she is quiet most of the time I suspect that if you got her to speak up she'd say a lot more than anyone bargained for, most of it being absolutely true. Stacey is also a very resiliant person who doesn't give herself enough credit for what she's accomplished but is truly respected by all.


Gareth

Of all our friends Gareth is the easiest to read. He really does wear his heart on his sleeve. Ok not literally but you know what I mean. He is one of those guys who you just know wants the best for everyone around him at all times, and really does show it. He's studying at music and shares my passion for music. He and I often exchange music across all genres and with Gareth I find I can listen to some death metal and love it and then listen to some hip hop or jazz or anything else and enjoy it just as much. And he plays guitar much better than I do, although that's not difficult...


Mike

Mike is one of the most considerate people I've ever met. He is always thinking about other people before he thinks about himself, and I've never seen anyone have a stronger feeling of compassion than he does. If you tell him about something in your life he actually feels pain for you, it's amazing. Mike also has very high standards and doesn't give himself enough credit for his achievement or what he's come through in his life. He's really an amazing person.

New Adventures Characters Part 1

So this week I was going to start New Adventures, but it's been a fairly uneventful week and I figured many of you may not know the characters in my life, so I've decided to put in a short introduction to each person:

Richard [on dota it's jeb]

I'm the writer of this blog in case you didn't know, so everything is directly related to me in some way or another, otherwise it wouldn't make it into the blog. I've recently been accepted for a job as an Air Traffic Controller, so I will have to go to Jo'burg for a while at the end of this month, and then I will be back. I'm trying to get a laptop so I can still blog, surf the net and dota while I'm away, but it's proving to be slightly more difficult than I'd hoped. Any ideas?


Donovan [Tessa on dota, but we all just call him Donovan which he doesn't like]

Donovan is a wonderful man who is studying film. He writes wonderful scripts for all kinds of films, and he is a great actor. Donovan has a very dry and somewhat dark sense of humor, and he is extremely honest at all times which I love. He also loves pushing people's buttons to wind them up. I just let him do it and then have a laugh, but some people hate it. Having said all of this Donovan is also the most generous person I've ever met, and would stand by anyone through thick and thin, no qualms.


Justin [Jizzer on dota, we call him this in real life too]

Justin is currently doing an honours degree in Theology and is one of the most wonderful men I've ever met. He is so tolerant and understanding it's incomprehendable. He is also always open to listening to anyone at any stage, and is a hopeless romantic which is a good thing in my books. Justin also has quite a dry sense of humor and is a much stronger person than he gives himself credit for. Justin is also probably the most self controlled person I've ever met, and is extremely dependable too.


Matt [Steven_Gerrard on dota, but we just call him Matt]

Of all my friends, I've known Matt the longest. He and I first met when I was 14 I think, and right from the beginning I liked him. We didn't really know each other, and were very different in many ways, but there was some sort of understanding between us, and since our friendship has grown slowly but surely. Matt is possibly the most analytical person I've ever met. He truly is a genius, and has an amazing ability to take in all the facts and variables and come to a viable conclusion in any situation. He is also very objective in any situation, unless of course he has made a decision, in which case there is no turning back.


Tessa [she doesn't play dota, but Donovan would disagree]

Tessa is Matt's girlfriend, and in my opinion he couldn't have made a better choice. Tessa is a very warm person, who just gets on really well with everyone. She's a really easy going person, happy to meet new people and go new places. Other than she enjoys holidays in Thailand and at one stage she was a dancer, I don't know much about her, but I've yet to see something I didn't like, so thumbs up to Tessa.


Well, you'll have to wait for Part 2 to meet the rest of the characters, so see you tomorrow.

Logs of Wood

So recently I've realised a major problem I have. I would clasify myself as someone who listens quite well to whatever people say, but after a good job of listening to people, I always make the same mistake. I relate the person's problem to one of my own.

Like, someone may talk about a time when they have had a fallout with a family member, and they have said something they now regret. Instead of just leaving it at that, acknowledging their feelings and encouraging them to do what they want to, I always give an example of when something similar happened to me, and I think it's a problem.

Sure on occasion giving an example is a good thing, but I'm not here to fix people's problems, I'm here to help them out as best I can without making them feel like they are obligated to do something.

The truth is that I don't want people to fix my problems, so why do I continue to try and fix other people's problems? Perhaps it is one of those things that irritates you in others that can be found within yourself.

So, from now on I shall do my best to not fix but rather just support and listen. I won't try and take away from other people's experiences but rather acknowledge their emotions and support their decisions.

At this stage I would like to apologise to anyone I may have offended. I did not mean to imply that your problem is meaningless, or that you are wrong. I was merely trying to help you, which I now see may have been the wrong way to do it. I hope you can forgive me.

Facing Your Past

So many of you will know that up until recently I have been involved in a church which I am no longer affiliated with. Tonight I am going back to my old small group and I am expecting to have to answer some completely valid questions. Questions like why aren't you involved in the church any more? What changed? Why have you come to this conclusion?

There is nothing wrong with any of these questions but answering them is problematic simply because for me it has been a very long journey, probably about 3 years or so, and to try and explain everything in a way that doesn't alienate people is rather challenging.

You see, I was the perfect boy. I had my blue eyes and blonde hair because I did everthing right first time. I dotted my I's and crossed my T's every time, and I hated it.

But why did I do it? Well, that's a difficult question to answer. I think it had something to do with me buying into a lie that this is how Christianity is lived out. I believed that by devoting all of my time to the church I was elevating myself as a Christian, and was more likely to find the answers to my questions. I believed that what I was doing was the path to find the answers to my questions. But I still don't have the answers.

The truth is that it was also what I thought I had to do in order to be accepted as a friend. I thought that without doing it I couldn't be a Christian and have friends that valued the same things as I did.

And finally I did it because it was comfortable. I got involved when I was 13 years old and did the same thing until I was about 19 or 20. While what I was doing wasn't getting my questions answered, it did give me an escape which was viewed as a good thing, as well as provide me with friends.

But eventually I got tired of not knowing why things were right or wrong, and not being able to explore topics like freewill or any other theological doctrine for that matter. I got tired of hanging out with people who refused to engage in the topics I wanted to explore, and I got tired of doing things I didn't believe were meaningful. I got tired of sacrificing for something I don't believe in.

Most of the time I don't believe in the church, and have felt that way for about 3 or 4 years now. The church doesn't support people in their journey, they provide people with a stereotype to fit into, and if you don't you're seen as a sinner. Now this isn't wrong because it works for some people, but for me it never has worked, and it probably never will.

I'm a clever person, and I love exploring things irrespective of whether they are seen as Christian or Satanic, releveant or irrelevant, meaningful or meaningless, the thought process is what excites me and in the process strengthens my faith.

But where I've come from, that type of thing is looked down on, or so I felt. This may not be the case but it's how I view the situation.

So I no longer buy these lies, that there is one way to live out my faith, or that I have to meet certain requirements in order to change things within a community. That doesn't mean that the church isn't making a difference, it just means that I can't live like that anymore.

Strategic Dodge

So, I've been trying to think about what I should write about all day, and nothing in specific has come to mind. Then something happened and I've been thinking about that ever since, but I can't talk about it now, so I thought I'd post two poems by one of my favorite writers instead:

"He Wishes For the Cloths of Heaven" by William Butler Yeats

Had I the heaven's embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half-light,

I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.


"The Second Coming" by William Butler Yeats

Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.

Surely some revelation is at hand;
Surely the Second Coming is at hand.
The Second Coming! Hardly are those words out
When a vast image out of Spiritus Mundi
Troubles my sight: somewhere in sands of the desert
A shape with lion body and the head of a man,
A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun,
Is moving its slow thighs, while all about it
Reel shadows of the indignant desert birds.
The darkness drops again; but now I know
That twenty centuries of stony sleep
Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?