No Rest For The Wicked

I won't lie to you, I'm having a shit time at the moment. A friend of mine who has had some rather 'world shaking' experiences of late called me 'wicked'. Now, if you aren't from a Christian background you may not know this, but in the Bible the term 'wicked' is reserved for demons and Lucifer. Satanists are described as having a wicked lifestyle but aren't actually called wicked. To be called wicked is probably the harshest thing you can call anyone...

Now, whenever anyone accuses me of anything, I have two choices.

1 - Disregard their opinion.

I only do this if the person is a complete random, and they have made no attempt to understand my theology, beliefs, views or situation. This is the type of thing I do when a person enters my life and immediately passes judgment.

2 - Consideration and assessment

This is my default option. It doesn't really matter what any person has accused me of, I will almost always consider what they have said, look at it from their viewpoint, look at it from my viewpoint, talk to people and then make an assessment. If I feel I need to change something I will do so, and if I disagree I do my best to put it behind me, which is almost always easier said than done.

Now in this case I have chosen to assess what this person has said to me simply because I know him very well and have respect for him. My problem is that I have no idea what he is basing this accusation on, and I can't think of anything that would set me apart as a 'wicked' person. He told me that I am a lukewarm person based on a parable in the New Testament [which I've studied and I believe he has the wrong interpretation of anyway] but I can't actually see anything that I am doing in my life that is blatantly against the word of God.

Here's what I think has happened. I think that my friend has had his world rocked, and as a result is reverting to a very idealistic and fundamentalism view of the world and Christianity, and because what he believes has been rocked he is clinging onto the purest form of what he believes to be right and sees everything else as completely wrong. He is not open to discussion or interpretation of the Word and won't even engage in a discussion where he hears anyone's side of the story and then not pass some sort of sweeping judgment.

I have a huge amount of respect for my friend, and love him with all my heart, and I hope that I can walk away without carrying hurt in my heart, because I do feel hurt at the moment.

Anyway, on a lighter note, it seems as if my gran might survive her latest trip to the hospital which is actually going to cause more stress for the family than if she were to peg. Now we need to sell her house and move her into a new home with frail care without offending her so badly that she never wants to talk to any of us ever again. Lots of stress because my uncle is going back to Australia next week.

I'm also having a really rough time with Cate at the moment, and I've recently come off my anti-depressants to try and help my fatigue, and I think I'm getting sick too.

All in all I feel really drained, and it's not really anyone in specific's fault, and I'm not sure what to do to make it better. And having to possible move cities isn't helping either.

Oh well, I've had my rant now. It's time to get better and do some more thinking...