Do you ever feel like the world is completely against you? Like nothing is going your way, and in fact most things are attacking you? Well I do, right now actually. If you haven't been following my blog, here's a list of things that haven't gone my way since Saturday afternoon.
> Ambushed by my mom about my weight. She reckons I'm losing touch a bit. Fair enough, I do need to exercise a little, but not fun being told your overweight.
> PC crashes. May not seem like a big thing, but for me it's my escape when I'm at home. I listen to music on it, read, write and blog on it, I watch 'TV' on it and it's mine. Now that it's crashed I almost feel like I'm stranded.
> Ambushed by my Gran. You may not know my gran, but she's difficult to deal with because she's always right, knows more than everyone else, and complains about anything and everything. Anyway, she arrived just before I bathed, then complained for a while. Not a nice way to start the day.
> Ambushed by my mom. She told me that the fact that I'm upset about my computer is a direct result of me storing treasures on earth and not relying on YHVH enough. Maybe she has a point, but it was a shit time to make it.
> Ambushed by my family. A while ago I said that I don't believe that we're a family anymore because my dad is getting a sex change. I said that I wasn't going to eat with them anymore because that's something we always used to do as a family but because we're not a family anymore I'm not going to do it. It's actually more of a protest for me than anything else. On Sunday evening they decided that it was time to try and get me to eat with them, and so they started nagging and complaining that I must eat with them and whatever, but I was pissed off so it just made things worse.
> Monday morning arrives. Having a pretty crap time, and my mom starts asking dumb questions about my computer. Then I ask her to just leave it and she stands there praying for me. Really bad timing, I was pissed off again.
> Then I take my car in to get fixed, and arrange a lift home with Gareth, and the lady says "Oh we don't need your car now, don't worry". I was not happy.
At this stage I'm just super sensitive about everything. If I press the wrong button on the keyboard it's just "Fuck off! What the fuck is going on here!", and it's so stupid I can't take it anymore. If anything goes wrong I just start swearing. I'm like a bear who's trying to walk around with nails in all four of his paws.
For my family, the above things are fairly normal. So other than the computer crashing, this is a normal weekend for me. So why am I so pissed off about it? I think I have the answer.
This week, on the 13th my dad is starting to live full time as a woman. In exactly one year he'll be able to have his cock chopped off and will be a woman in all ways, and it pisses me off. The amount of anger in my body right now is enough to tear down a city.
While I've know this is coming for a long time, it doesn't prepair you for the actual event. And it's not easy. To be honest, I don't know what I'm going to do. I can't stay this angry, but I don't know how to get around it. And being attacked on all sides doesn't help the situation. In this case I don't have the answers. And it blows...
All I can say is I'm trusting YHVH, and I'm trying my best. Let's just hope I survive.
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I can try my best to empathise your situation, but I'll never really be able to understand. But I know what it feels like to be pissed off. Usually I have a smoke, or listen to some tunes, but since you can't do either, all I so is leave you with some wise words. "Just because you're losing, doesn't mean you've lost" Sooner or later, things will turn. Pray. Seek. Read.
ReplyDeleteKeep strong dude.
You just quoted Coldplay? I love them to bits but I wouldn't quote them... My well wishes goes to you, dude. God has a greater plan in all this. He doesn't give us more than we can handle and what He does give us only makes us stronger. Keep the faith, bru.
ReplyDeleteRamblings of a Gooner Girl blog
Bro, will be praying for you, trust God it's not easy now, I don't know if it'll ever be easy, but trust God bro, trust Him with all you have.
ReplyDeleteThanks to everyone for your encouragement. I appreciate it. I'd also like to use this opportunity to say that I don't think my mom is a dragon, and I love her very much. She's awesome.
ReplyDeleteI love your moms ambushing...Its just like my mom, except she doesnt pray for me, she usually tells me to have a drink or relax....*Then i flush red with anger*ha ha...
ReplyDeleteIts weird, but your dads situation angering you, isn't anything like this, but its the only way I see to relate....My mom drinks alot, says really inappropriate things at the wrong times, hits on my friends, embarrasses me alot, acts like a child alot, makes unwise decisions, lives in her past and quite frankly doesn't think about her future...This really infuriates me alot of the time, till im really angry, I just can't contain it, especially when im trying to reason with her, which is like trying to reason a baby to give you its dummy>Baby wont budge. Alot of the time, my mom is just being herself though....and she isn't bothered by my anger. It only really affects me and my fear of what people might think of her, especially us being related...LOL. Anyway, My sister on the other hand has a great quality of just letting my mom be who she is...And my sister enjoys time spent with my mom, whereas I only end up feeling annoyed. What Im trying to get at with all this rambling is you need to find peace within yourself. You are not responsible for your dads decisions, I think the best thing, also the hardest thing would be to just accept him as he is. It doesn't mean you have to agree with what he is doing...But Ive been doing it with my mom and its been giving me alot of peace....
*HUG*