Do you ever feel like you need to live? Like if you were to be living on the street would you want to survive? I don't know if there is something wrong with me, but I have never felt the need to live. I have never felt the need to take the next breath of air, or eat ANYTHING or even just fight to survive.
Lately I have been talking to my parents about what I am going to do next year, and they say that I need to work because I need to start moving on with my life. At the moment I am trying to get a steady job working in sound engineering which will pay, but it is pretty difficult. They need me to start earning money, but I actually don't care either way.
If my parents were to kick me out of my house, I wouldn't beg, or try to get a job, I would walk to Monte Vista and jump off the bridge onto the N1, simply because the requirement to live just isn't in my body. I don't experience it now, and I don't ever remember feeling it.
Is there something wrong with me? I don't want to die, I am just not willing to fight for my life.
For me, if we are eternal beings then no moment is more or less meaningful than the previous or the following moment. So if no moment is meaningful in a special way, then every moment is only worthwhile if you are experiencing it.
But who wants to experience pain? Or disappointment? Or anger? The only emotion pleasing to me is the one of revalation, and happiness. If I am not experiencing those why bother? For that reason fighting for something you don't want is not worth the energy...
I don't know if this is right or wrong, but I'd like to hear your opinion. Post away...
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Hmmm, were you down when you were writing this?
ReplyDeleteI dont know...i think not having anything makes you appreciate life more...you realise life isn't about things, you realise its all about appreciating what you are and who you were made to me...well i think...
Without ugly, you would never know beautiful...
Without hate, you would never know love...
Without pain...you would never appreciate healing...
Without darkness, you would never know light...
you cant just not want to feel...
When I counted up my demons
ReplyDeleteI saw there was one for everyday
I put the good ones on my shoulder
I threw the other ones away...
You have great friends, and great potential. Yes there are shit moments, and there are good moments, but as lisa said, the shit ones make the good ones great.
But I can see how eternal perspective may screw things up. But consider this: everything we do now, echoes into the next life in eternity right. So as long as we make the most of now, the better our eternity will be.
It may not make sense here, because I'm trying to be brief. But I'm sure you catch my drift...