Family Changes (Angry Version)

Every family in the world is a little messed up. Granted, some more than others but they all have their vices. Up until a little less than 2 years ago, my family’s little secret was that I suffered from depression.

It started when I was 11 years old, and continued on and off untreated until I was in Matric. My grandfather and my mom both have / had a hereditary disease where their brain produces too little serotonin, causing them not to experience as much ‘happiness’ as the average person. As a result a person suffering from this disease is prone to depression.

While I have never been officially diagnosed with the above disease (I can’t remember its name) the psychologist I occasionally go to suspects that I may have this particular condition.

Now depression doesn’t have to be a major problem because you can easily receive treatment, and your life can in fact continue as normal. While I have been in very low lows during my depression it isn’t a death sentence, and I choose to live my life and enjoy it.

But things got quite a lot more complicated in about March last year when my father told the family he wants to become a woman. At this point in time he/she has changed his/her name from Peter to Cate, and is about to start living as a woman full time, which is quite a difficult thing to go through.

A sex change is like divorce, death, remarriage and disappointment as a result of failure all rolled into one. It’s an extremely overwhelming experience, which I am still trying to work out.

At first I didn’t know what to say or how to deal with it but as I started thinking about it more and more it became more real to me. After that I went through a period of being extremely angry, and not wanting to be part of the family, and almost moving out of the house because I was permanently full of rage, which is not a healthy thing.

Long story short, I got to a point where I was filling a father role for my brother and a supportive role for my mom, and I can’t do that because it’s not my job. We sat down as a family with a psychologist and I expressed my feelings and asked my questions, but nothing happened.

At this point I’m still pretty disappointed because nothing has come of my efforts to ‘move forward’ through the process, and I’ve become extremely apathetic toward it simply because I feel that I’ve done my part but no one will get off their f**king asses and do theirs.

Thing are not going well, but I actually don’t care. These things happen in life and I’ve chosen to live my life proactively rather than reactively. I could run around doing everything I feel I should but that would do no one any good, and it would damage me. So I chose to live my life the way I believe to be right, and I am just going to wait for everyone else to catch up…

I know that this post will probably cause much scandal in my family, because almost all of the communication that happens in my extended family is through gossip, and this will keep them going for quite a few weekends but I actually don’t care. It is part of the reason I don’t talk to them much. They don’t really see further than making themselves feel better.

“Why on earth are you posting this and not telling the relevant parties?” you may be asking. Well, to be honest I feel like I’m right. I’ve been very outspoken in the past about these issues, and no one is doing anything about it, so I feel nothing about posing them online.

If you thought I was perfect, don’t worry I’m not. I may be fairly clever, but I get depressed quite often and my father wears high heels and skirts. Not much fun I promise.



5 minutes after typing…

I’ve just read this blog again and it’s pretty angry, but I’m going to post it anyway. It’s an emotional blog, and that’s fine. I’ll post about it again with more perspective in the future, when I’m not worked up.