Fix You

So, recently I read a note on Facebook written by a girl I know but am not really friends with. She's sort of a friend of a friend who I've met two or three times and while I don't really know her I can clearly identify with what she wrote in her note.

In the note she says that she has been hiding from everyone because she doesn't want to lie to them anymore, she says she feels as if she has a 'sad soul' and this has left her feeling helpless and with nowhere to turn. She feels as if she needs to change because she believes in the Lord but as much as she prays nothing is changing or getting any better. And as she tries to find the answers, she slowly but surely wears herself thinner and thinner.

Now, I chose not to reply to this note because I don't really know this girl or her circumstances well enough to respond in a way that would carry any meaning. I do however understand how she feels.

As I finished reading the note I saw that quite a few people had responded to this note, and what they had to say angered me immensely.

The first person said

"your cup will fill up again..continue to have faith.
WE LOVE YOU"

and as I read that I exclaimed "for fuck's sake..."

Most of the comments that followed were equally meaningless and and only served to intensify my rage. People said things like "It all works out for the best" and "Trust in the Lord" and I remembered people saying the same things to me. None of it ever helps, in fact I would say that nothing will really help.

I remembered speaking to my psychologist a few years ago and saying "Why am I not allowed to feel sad? Why can't I be depressed?" and after a few sessions I came to the conclusion that people see sadness as a problem. If there is a reason you feel sad it doesn't matter. The problem isn't the problem, sadness is the problem for most people. And it makes me very angry.

I believe that sadness is an emotion in the same way happiness or anger are emotions. These emotions need to be felt and experienced and not justified. Sadness doesn't need to be reasoned away, it should be embraced.

The trick to life isn't sorting everything out or fixing things, it's living with the reality we're faced with and making the best decisions we can. That's it, nothing else.

People don't need to be fixed, they need to be loved. This is not a hit and run where we can help someone get better and then walk away looking for the next broken wing case, friendships are created and as people go through shit we go through it with them, that's what it's about. It's not about dispensing life lessons, it's about sitting in the room with that person in their darkest hour.

Now, I'm not saying that everyone who replied to that note was a cunt, far from it. Many of her true friends said they love her and would like to help in any way they could, but the superficial fools who say things like "Your cup will fill up again" can fuck off in my opinion.