Bleak

I've had a weird day. Today I feel overwhelmed. Nothing's different, nothing's changed but today I feel like everything in my house is just too much. Like the walls are closing in, and I don't know why.

So what's so overwhelming? Well, it's actually only two things. First, Cate. Second, my gran. I don't know why but today they are both just irritating me with pretty much everything they do. Rubbing me up the wrong way, and it's not fun.

Now, I realise that this irritation is a symptom, but I don't know what it's a symptom of and I think that's adding fuel to the fire.

I believe that when you feel an emotion, it doesn't need to be fixed or taken away, it's part of life and while it's there it should be experienced. That doesn't mean that the emotion isn't there for a reason, or that the deeper meaning behind the emotion shouldn't be addressed.

If you're angry with the world, there's usually a reason. And while denying the fact that you're angry is the wrong approach, disregarding why you may be angry isn't the right approach.

So today I'm irritated, and I don't know why. I'm not tired, but maybe I'm just worn out. Maybe the emotional boxing ring that is my house is winning, and defeat is imminent.

I don't know what defeat would mean, but I do know that emotionally I'm worn thin.

Perhaps there is no deeper meaning than I am struggling to live with a woman who should be my father and a woman who spends her time telling everyone what they are doing wrong.

But I suspect there is. I don't know what it would be but I think that it's there. So I'll keep on looking for now, hopefully something will turn up.