Family Dynamics

I don't believe in family. Or at least the traditional picture of what a family should be.

Actually that's not entirely true. I think a more accurate statement would be that I have never experienced, nor do I desire, the traditional ideal of a family. Because I have never experienced this ideal, not only do I not believe it exists, I don't want to create anything like it in my life.

I was talking to my parents the other day and I said that I don't feel as if I've ever had any specifically 'child-mother' relationship or 'child-father' relationship with either of them, and that I don't see them as my parents.

This probably upset them to a certain extent, but it's the truth. I don't feel any sort of 'unbreakable bond' with anyone in my family, and I have no idea why.

So how do I view the people in my family? Well I view my parents as people who are experienced in life, who love and know me and who want the best for me. But, I treat them the same way I treat most people I meet in life. They don't really stand out in my life as people who are the cornerstone of my beliefs or as people who are involved in every aspect of my life or anything like that.

I wouldn't say that they are 'replaceable' or anything like that, but the way I talk with them, reason with them and relate to them is the same way I relate to my friends and other older people in my life.

They have caused me as much pain in my life as my friends have, they have brought me as much security in my life as my friends have and they have given me as much love as my friends have.

And while this is clearly working because I feel I have a good relationship with my parents, I don't know if it's right.

I look around at my friends, and many other people I encounter, and they have all have a really special relationship with their parents. They have a special way of relating to them, a special level of respect, a special love and the whole idea really is foreign to me.

When I spoke about it to Cate and my mom, Cate said she thought it was probably because we are all introverts [Which we are, to different degrees], and that changes the dynamic because only 25% of people are introverts. Then to have a family of introverts is an even more unique situation, so our relationships with each other are very different.

I don't know if this is the reason, but it sounds feasible.

Perhaps the reason I don't like the idea of a family is because I hate anything that requires blind trust, or blind love. And the family ideal requires people to not only blindly love each other but also to blindly trust each other, and I strongly disagree with both these 'takes' on love and loyalty.

So, I don't believe in family because I don't believe that people should be bound to one another without a choice. Marriage is very different because there is a choice involved at the beginning, but I didn't choose my parents, in the same way I didn't choose where I was born so why should I be required to fulfill any requirement if I haven't made a choice?

But we are born into families, and we are born into a country, so what should the family dynamic be?

Well, I can only speak from my perspective but I would say that family shouldn't require anything from anyone, but should be generous and should love. That's it. Any relationship that grows from that is a bonus. And I believe that's what I have with my family.

I won't lie, it's fucking difficult with Cate at times because I have been hurt badly by the him to her transition, but it is what it is. And I can't really complain about that. And I love my mom, and I love my brother, and they love me so what more can I ask for?

Such is life...