Solitude

I've never experienced love. Well, romantic love. I've never been in love with a girl, I've never experienced companionship and the truth is that when I look at the variables I don't know if I want that in my life.

From what I've been told, a romantic interest grows from a mutual friendship / interest and in order for a relationship to succeed it needs to be based on and grow from a friendship. Now, I know it doesn't always start the same way but at the end of the day if you aren't friends with your significant other, you've got big problems.

But why change things? If you are friends with someone why risk that friendship with a romantic interest that is likely to not only change how the friendship operates but also how it will end.

Many of my friends have been in relationships over the years, and the truth is that people in relationships seem to spend at least 50% of their time either fervently working on their relationship or in fear that it will be the end of their relationship soon. Of the other 50%, about 25% is spent enjoying the relationship while the other 25% is spent preparing for or recovering from a major fallout.

Now, with my friends I spend about 95% of my time enjoying our friendship and 5% of the time working through issues. Why would I want to cut that down from 95% to 25% of the time?

Another thing is companionship. Is that all it's really cracked up to be? People say it's great to have someone you can go through life with, but at the end of the day when you lie awake at night it's only you awake. No one else is there. No one else can experience your anguish, nor should they. A person can only journey with you so far, after that you really are on your own.

And even if a person could journey with you all the way, why would you do that to people? I have experienced the most terrible nights in my life where I truly feel as if there is no hope, and my emotions are crushing my intellect, body and soul. Why would I want anyone to go through that? I wouldn't wish the anguish I've felt on my worst enemy, let alone someone I'm supposed to love with all my heart.

So why do people engage in relationships? I don't know, I don't understand it. Perhaps if I experience a relationship my viewpoint would change, but for now I think I'll stay in my comfort zone. So far it's working just fine...