The Policy Of Honesty

Honesty is an interesting thing, and in my life I have always encountered people who tell me that the best thing to do is to always be honest and I agree. But is it really what we should be doing? Is honesty really the best decision in all circumstances? Or is it something that varies depending on the situation?

Many people believe that honesty is a relative thing, and its importance is relative to what is happening in the particular situation, and as a result people are often comfortable lying to a friend, or anyone for that matter, when they deem the information to either be detrimental to themselves or the other person. But if not being honest at all times damages your integrity is it worth it at the end of the day if you can say you were a good friend?

Example, I have an old friend, and he and his girlfriend were having a rough time in their relationship [this happened about 2 years ago] and I found out that his girlfriend tried to kiss another friend of mine, and not only that but she was interested in pursuing an affair with this friend rather than cultivating a relationship. I spoke to the secondary friend and he decided to not pursue any sort of activity with this girl and we also chose not to tell my friend because he truly loved this girl and would have been destroyed if he had found out.

To this day neither of us have said anything to the friend even though he has broken up with this girl, and I'm fairly sure that she did cheat on him with another guy. Now at the time we thought it best not to tell him, and at this moment in time I don't regret that decision, but at the same time perhaps we should have told him, bearing in mind that this reflected her character and he really was putting himself out there for her. Maybe we could have saved him some pain by telling him. I don't know, but at this point in time it still feels like it was the correct decision to have made.

So if we haven't experienced any negative consequences, was it the right thing to do? Or are consequences even something we should worry about when it comes to telling the truth?

These days I value honesty even more than I ever have, and the truth is that if I were in that situation again I would have a really torrid time trying to decide what to do because I believe that honesty is a direct reflection of my love and loyalty to a person. If any of my friends ask me anything I would not ever consider telling a lie simply because I choose to trust them and I know the truth will only strengthen our relationship.

At the same time, I don't know if it is the right thing to do at all times. I mean, where do you draw the line between discretion and lying to a person? Or honesty and speculation? I would rather err on the side of caution that damage a relationship because of speculation, which may or may not be true.

And another question, where is the line between concern and gossip? Is discussing concerns about another friend within a group of friends an act of deception? Or is it just a group of friends confused as to how to express their love for another in an appropriate way?

I think that honest is something that is very easy to manipulate to suite your needs, but when it is raw and from people with integrity it is something that can, and truly does create turmoil for the beholder of this often dangerous knowledge.

At the end of the day there are just so many questions and an equal amount of ways to be misunderstood. I do believe that honesty is the best way to avoid problems. If you are transparent it's a lot more difficult to be accused of anything, and that's my current view. It may change, and it is likely to evolve, but from where I am now the best thing to do is respect and love those around me, and be totally honest in all instances until I trust myself to make decisions that could not only affect my own relationships but others too.