I listen to Eminem. I don't really like a lot of his music, but I love his lyrics. His commentary on society is wonderful. One of my favorite songs by Eminem is "The Real Slim Shadey", and there's a section of the song that goes like this:
"I'm like a head trip to listen to, cause I'm only givin you
things you joke about with your friends inside your living room
The only difference is I got the balls to say it
in front of y'all and I don't gotta be false or sugarcoated at all
I just get on the mic and spit it
and whether you like to admit it I just shit it
better than ninety percent of you rappers out can
Then you wonder how can kids eat up these albums like Valiums"
It's so fantastic, and for the most part it's true, particularly that last line.
You see, I believe people appreciate honesty. The world is filled with people who will lie to you for all kinds of reasons, some people want to win your affection, others your trust and some people just don't want to get into trouble. But for the most part, people have an agenda and in pursuit of their goal they are prepared to lie.
But people don't want to be lied to, even when they have something they want to hear. And that's often fairly difficult to get around, because it's easier to tell someone what they want to hear than it is to go on an often uncomfortable emotional journey.
Now, I hope that those of you who know me would say that I'm an honest person. It's something I value highly, and I strive to be honest in all situations irrespective of how difficult it may be.
Granted, just saying things isn't always the wisest decision, but I suppose that's where integrity and trust come in. Trusting yourself to know when to say things, and how to say things is fairly important. But I suppose that trust needs to come from the person holding the information as well as the person receiving the information.
At the same time, not being arrogant or crushing with honesty is equally important, and this is something that I struggle with. I tend to be very firm and often extremely harsh when being honest. By doing that you can end up doing more harm than good, and that's not what I want.
Sometimes I wish I could emit a sodium pentathol aura. Truth serum, just so people would have to be honest all the time, but I guess that would make things too easy...
Monday, March 9, 2009
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Future Growth
I don't want to grow up. I like being the way I am. My life is great just the way it is, and not only do I not want my life to change, I want everyone around me to stay the same too. But it doesn't work like that because people grow up and their goals in life change and then the world we know becomes a memory.
It's quite a daunting thought, but the truth is that of my current circle of friends most of us aren't going to live in the same city in 5 to 10 years time. Now, at the moment these people are my support group, they are like family to me, and to think that they are going to fade from my life doesn't exactly encourage me.
Sure I'll see them and speak to the regularly but I won't be seeing them every two or three days like I do at the moment.
Let's be honest, Matt is studying Game Design and won't get a job working in that field in Cape Town, Pierre may be going to Berlin as soon as the beginning of next year to work as a programmer, Justin is unlikely to get a job lecturing at any university in Cape Town, and possibly not even in South Africa, Gareth will end up spending at least 10 months a year on tour and Donovan will end up shooting all over the world. By staying in Cape Town I'm not winning anything...
So is my life destined to be relegated to aimlessly wandering the world or am I actually going to have people I'm willing to sacrifice for like I do now?
While the future may look quite bleak at the moment, it is in fact quite bright. You see, I could easily end up working as an Air Traffic Controller in London, and would then be able to travel throughout Europe to visit Pierre or any of my other friends, go to football matches, see my favorite bands play live and meet new people as I go along.
I suppose it is at this stage that the idea of 'sibling love' and a romantic relationship surfaces, simply because these are the people who are most likely to journey through life with me the closest.
I have a lot of research to do before I can address these issues, but I can say that growing up is something that we should expect and take part in, not something we should fear or try to put off. It's part of life, and has been since the beginning of time. Friendships change, they grow closer and further apart as time goes on, the dynamic will change but the influence those people have or have had on our lives is what makes them special.
So I am choosing to enjoy what I have now, and look forward to seeing the people around me succeed in their lives.
It's quite a daunting thought, but the truth is that of my current circle of friends most of us aren't going to live in the same city in 5 to 10 years time. Now, at the moment these people are my support group, they are like family to me, and to think that they are going to fade from my life doesn't exactly encourage me.
Sure I'll see them and speak to the regularly but I won't be seeing them every two or three days like I do at the moment.
Let's be honest, Matt is studying Game Design and won't get a job working in that field in Cape Town, Pierre may be going to Berlin as soon as the beginning of next year to work as a programmer, Justin is unlikely to get a job lecturing at any university in Cape Town, and possibly not even in South Africa, Gareth will end up spending at least 10 months a year on tour and Donovan will end up shooting all over the world. By staying in Cape Town I'm not winning anything...
So is my life destined to be relegated to aimlessly wandering the world or am I actually going to have people I'm willing to sacrifice for like I do now?
While the future may look quite bleak at the moment, it is in fact quite bright. You see, I could easily end up working as an Air Traffic Controller in London, and would then be able to travel throughout Europe to visit Pierre or any of my other friends, go to football matches, see my favorite bands play live and meet new people as I go along.
I suppose it is at this stage that the idea of 'sibling love' and a romantic relationship surfaces, simply because these are the people who are most likely to journey through life with me the closest.
I have a lot of research to do before I can address these issues, but I can say that growing up is something that we should expect and take part in, not something we should fear or try to put off. It's part of life, and has been since the beginning of time. Friendships change, they grow closer and further apart as time goes on, the dynamic will change but the influence those people have or have had on our lives is what makes them special.
So I am choosing to enjoy what I have now, and look forward to seeing the people around me succeed in their lives.
Friday, March 6, 2009
Duck and Run
So, I've had a cool day, with a bit of fail in the middle, but you'll have to wait until New Adventures on Thursday to read about it. For now, I'm going to try and get some sleep because I've got a long and tiring day ahead of me tomorrow.
This is my blog dodge so read tomorrow for something substantial.
This is my blog dodge so read tomorrow for something substantial.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
New Adventures 19th - 26th
Friday
Friday evening was a bit of a let down, I went to a concert at my brother's school, and then went to Matt's house. I wrote a post about it on Saturday entitled 'Rickie's Undate' so check it out if you haven't already.
Saturday
Saturday was cool, we all headed out to Gandalf's and just hung out a bit. I got to meet a few dota fiends who I've played against but had never met. Matt and Tessa came along too, which was cool. I know Matt's not into the whole club vibe, so it was lucky that Gandalf's was quite empty that evening.
Sunday
Sunday evening we had a wondeful time going to Johann's church. I think this is going to be my new church, even though the drive through is a bit of a mission. It's in Durbanville, but it's was the first time in a very long time that I've heard a truly Biblical sermon in church and I literally felt better afterward.
Nothing they say or do is because they think it's a good idea, they only do it if it's backed up by something in the Bible, and that makes me glad. And the sermon was more like sitting in a lecture, which I really enjoyed too. It wasn't really a lecture at all, but it had that kind of feel to it. And after all the research and reading I do, I want a church to feel that way, so I was happy.
Anyway, after church we went to Val's house for some coffee and a chat. Good times.
Monday
Monday night we went to Mercury again, but took Pierre along this time. After Pierre cock blocked Donovan, we had a good time dancing and whatever. Pierre met up with one of his old friends, Lauren, and I got to see an old friend of mine, Willie, too.
There were these three random girls who somehow knew Pierre's name who kept on trying to dance with us. I don't know if they were drunk or something but I just wanted them to leave me alone.
Eventually we just went and sat down and they left us alone, which was nice. We also saw this girl who was clearly very high on something dancing against a wall, and men were literally paying her. I don't know why, or how but I just stayed out of it.
We got there at about 22h00 and left around 02h30, so R10 well spent.
Tuesday
Dota. That's all I have to say.
Wednesday
Wednesday evening we went through to the Oxford Arms in Durbanville, and met up with a guy who went to school with Justin and I. We also met up with Johann and his Bible study group, which is always fun because Johann usually sits with us and has a lol while the rest of the group aren't sure what to make of us, and are therefore fairly aprehensive.
Chris, our old friend, bought us all Jager-bombs and I had one for the first time. It's not bad at all, but I think I'll stick to my Jack and lime. The barman tried to do a cool trick with the Jager-bombs but failed quite hard. So we got a free one, which was cool. Bit of a let down though...
After Pierre downed a lot of Donovan's beer, we left and I think they went to dota but I watched some episodes of Heroes season 3. I'm going to finish the season tonight and I'll start of Battlestar tomorrow. Good times...
Friday evening was a bit of a let down, I went to a concert at my brother's school, and then went to Matt's house. I wrote a post about it on Saturday entitled 'Rickie's Undate' so check it out if you haven't already.
Saturday
Saturday was cool, we all headed out to Gandalf's and just hung out a bit. I got to meet a few dota fiends who I've played against but had never met. Matt and Tessa came along too, which was cool. I know Matt's not into the whole club vibe, so it was lucky that Gandalf's was quite empty that evening.
Sunday
Sunday evening we had a wondeful time going to Johann's church. I think this is going to be my new church, even though the drive through is a bit of a mission. It's in Durbanville, but it's was the first time in a very long time that I've heard a truly Biblical sermon in church and I literally felt better afterward.
Nothing they say or do is because they think it's a good idea, they only do it if it's backed up by something in the Bible, and that makes me glad. And the sermon was more like sitting in a lecture, which I really enjoyed too. It wasn't really a lecture at all, but it had that kind of feel to it. And after all the research and reading I do, I want a church to feel that way, so I was happy.
Anyway, after church we went to Val's house for some coffee and a chat. Good times.
Monday
Monday night we went to Mercury again, but took Pierre along this time. After Pierre cock blocked Donovan, we had a good time dancing and whatever. Pierre met up with one of his old friends, Lauren, and I got to see an old friend of mine, Willie, too.
There were these three random girls who somehow knew Pierre's name who kept on trying to dance with us. I don't know if they were drunk or something but I just wanted them to leave me alone.
Eventually we just went and sat down and they left us alone, which was nice. We also saw this girl who was clearly very high on something dancing against a wall, and men were literally paying her. I don't know why, or how but I just stayed out of it.
We got there at about 22h00 and left around 02h30, so R10 well spent.
Tuesday
Dota. That's all I have to say.
Wednesday
Wednesday evening we went through to the Oxford Arms in Durbanville, and met up with a guy who went to school with Justin and I. We also met up with Johann and his Bible study group, which is always fun because Johann usually sits with us and has a lol while the rest of the group aren't sure what to make of us, and are therefore fairly aprehensive.
Chris, our old friend, bought us all Jager-bombs and I had one for the first time. It's not bad at all, but I think I'll stick to my Jack and lime. The barman tried to do a cool trick with the Jager-bombs but failed quite hard. So we got a free one, which was cool. Bit of a let down though...
After Pierre downed a lot of Donovan's beer, we left and I think they went to dota but I watched some episodes of Heroes season 3. I'm going to finish the season tonight and I'll start of Battlestar tomorrow. Good times...
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Football Tactics
Right, so as you all know I analyse everything around me all the time, and the other day I was listening to some music and got thinking about football tactics.
It seems to me that there are two schools of thought when it comes to football tactics, and then within one of them another two ways of executing the specific style. The two main approaches are Reactive and Proactive.
Reactive
The Reactive style of football is a very 'organic' style of football, where the players go where the ball goes, and rather than having a specific method of attack, the players attack by passing a lot and waiting for openings, and simply defend where ever the opposition take the ball. It's a very Brazilian style of football, and requires the team to work as a single unit, with a lot of flexibility and just pushing forward as much as possible.
It's almost as if there is no structure to this style, and usually the team is set in a standard formation like 4-4-2 or 4-3-3. I suppose it also requires a fairly high work rate because the players end up running around a lot.
Proactive
This seems to be the more favored style of football, with players in specific positions within a formation, and playing with a specific attacking and defensive method. Within this style there are two approaches I have noticed.
Player Influence
This approach is used by Manchester United, and in this style there is a standard formation and a standard attaching method used for pretty much every game, but specific players are chosen to play within the formation because of their style of play.
So in Manchester United's case, they always play 4-4-2. But when they need to defend, they play more defensive players in midfield, and when they need to attack they play more attacking players in midfield. Their formation never changes, and their method of attach never changes. They always attack down the wings, but depending on what is required they will change who plays in central midfield, or on the wings or upfront or whatever the case may be.
Formation
This approach is favored by Chelsea, and requires specific players in every position, but relies on tactical changes for attacking and defending, primarily through formation changes. It is similar to the 'Player Influence' approach because it requires specific players to play differently in specific positions on the field, but is more tactically 'correct' and more structured.
So, in Chelsea's case they play a very direct style of football, which requires the players to be very strong and fast, but also to stay in their specific position. Chelsea have always played different variations of the 4-3-3 formation, but depending on if they need a stronger midfield, a wider style of play, or a more aggressive style of play they will play 4-1-4-1, 4-1-3-2 or 4-1-2-3 respectively.
But irrespective of the formation, each player is required to do a specific job within his position in the formation, rather than just playing his style of football.
None of these approaches are wrong, they just work differently for different clubs. Every club has a different style of play, and they buy players accordingly. Because they players are there, it doesn't matter if the manager changes the style of play won't change [hence Scolari's failure at Chelsea].
Anyway, this is just my own opinion based on my limited observation, I could be wrong. Tell me if you think I am, and tell me why. Otherwise just bugger off...
It seems to me that there are two schools of thought when it comes to football tactics, and then within one of them another two ways of executing the specific style. The two main approaches are Reactive and Proactive.
Reactive
The Reactive style of football is a very 'organic' style of football, where the players go where the ball goes, and rather than having a specific method of attack, the players attack by passing a lot and waiting for openings, and simply defend where ever the opposition take the ball. It's a very Brazilian style of football, and requires the team to work as a single unit, with a lot of flexibility and just pushing forward as much as possible.
It's almost as if there is no structure to this style, and usually the team is set in a standard formation like 4-4-2 or 4-3-3. I suppose it also requires a fairly high work rate because the players end up running around a lot.
Proactive
This seems to be the more favored style of football, with players in specific positions within a formation, and playing with a specific attacking and defensive method. Within this style there are two approaches I have noticed.
Player Influence
This approach is used by Manchester United, and in this style there is a standard formation and a standard attaching method used for pretty much every game, but specific players are chosen to play within the formation because of their style of play.
So in Manchester United's case, they always play 4-4-2. But when they need to defend, they play more defensive players in midfield, and when they need to attack they play more attacking players in midfield. Their formation never changes, and their method of attach never changes. They always attack down the wings, but depending on what is required they will change who plays in central midfield, or on the wings or upfront or whatever the case may be.
Formation
This approach is favored by Chelsea, and requires specific players in every position, but relies on tactical changes for attacking and defending, primarily through formation changes. It is similar to the 'Player Influence' approach because it requires specific players to play differently in specific positions on the field, but is more tactically 'correct' and more structured.
So, in Chelsea's case they play a very direct style of football, which requires the players to be very strong and fast, but also to stay in their specific position. Chelsea have always played different variations of the 4-3-3 formation, but depending on if they need a stronger midfield, a wider style of play, or a more aggressive style of play they will play 4-1-4-1, 4-1-3-2 or 4-1-2-3 respectively.
But irrespective of the formation, each player is required to do a specific job within his position in the formation, rather than just playing his style of football.
None of these approaches are wrong, they just work differently for different clubs. Every club has a different style of play, and they buy players accordingly. Because they players are there, it doesn't matter if the manager changes the style of play won't change [hence Scolari's failure at Chelsea].
Anyway, this is just my own opinion based on my limited observation, I could be wrong. Tell me if you think I am, and tell me why. Otherwise just bugger off...
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Slothfulness
I don't know if it's in my nature, or if I'm just bloody lazy but I really could do nothing all day. Maybe not nothing, but almost nothing. So, pretty much if I could be paid to do what I do at the moment, I would be a happy man.
For those of you who don't know, I have a job as an Air Traffic Controller, but I have to wait until June before my training starts. Now this isn't a big problem but it does make getting a job difficult because people don't want to employ me because I'm only going to work for a few months. And while I don't mind doing nothing, my parents do. Which is a valid objection, but it doesn't change how potential employers feel about me.
Anyway, so at the moment I 'have' a job, but I have nothing to do in the meantime, and I love it. I can wake up at any time in the day, I can go to bed at any time and not worry about having to be up for anything. Pretty much all I do is listen to music, read, dota, go out with my friends and then a little housework. So I water the garden, wash up and clean the bathroom. That kind of thing. And if I had a choice I would live like this for the rest of my life. It is brilliant.
But I meet lots of people who just can't bring themselves to do nothing. They have to do something all the time, even if there is very little to do. I have a friend who is at university, and less than half way through his holidays he was happy to go back. He'd had enough time off and wanted to start working again. That's not me.
When I was at school people used to get bored during holidays and want to go back to school. I never wanted holidays to end. I've just never had that feeling of 'I need to get back to work'. I could just sit around thinking and reading all day, no qualms.
But is it because I'm lazy? Or is it because I'm just wired that way? I don't know, but I suspect it's a bit of both.
The other thing is that unfortunately life doesn't work the way I wish it did, and I will actually have to do some work in order to live, which is a pity. So, I guess I'll have to go to my job in June, and I'll have to just make the best of earning money, even though it's not my goal.
To be fair, earning money isn't difficult to get used to...
For those of you who don't know, I have a job as an Air Traffic Controller, but I have to wait until June before my training starts. Now this isn't a big problem but it does make getting a job difficult because people don't want to employ me because I'm only going to work for a few months. And while I don't mind doing nothing, my parents do. Which is a valid objection, but it doesn't change how potential employers feel about me.
Anyway, so at the moment I 'have' a job, but I have nothing to do in the meantime, and I love it. I can wake up at any time in the day, I can go to bed at any time and not worry about having to be up for anything. Pretty much all I do is listen to music, read, dota, go out with my friends and then a little housework. So I water the garden, wash up and clean the bathroom. That kind of thing. And if I had a choice I would live like this for the rest of my life. It is brilliant.
But I meet lots of people who just can't bring themselves to do nothing. They have to do something all the time, even if there is very little to do. I have a friend who is at university, and less than half way through his holidays he was happy to go back. He'd had enough time off and wanted to start working again. That's not me.
When I was at school people used to get bored during holidays and want to go back to school. I never wanted holidays to end. I've just never had that feeling of 'I need to get back to work'. I could just sit around thinking and reading all day, no qualms.
But is it because I'm lazy? Or is it because I'm just wired that way? I don't know, but I suspect it's a bit of both.
The other thing is that unfortunately life doesn't work the way I wish it did, and I will actually have to do some work in order to live, which is a pity. So, I guess I'll have to go to my job in June, and I'll have to just make the best of earning money, even though it's not my goal.
To be fair, earning money isn't difficult to get used to...
Monday, March 2, 2009
Family Dynamics
I don't believe in family. Or at least the traditional picture of what a family should be.
Actually that's not entirely true. I think a more accurate statement would be that I have never experienced, nor do I desire, the traditional ideal of a family. Because I have never experienced this ideal, not only do I not believe it exists, I don't want to create anything like it in my life.
I was talking to my parents the other day and I said that I don't feel as if I've ever had any specifically 'child-mother' relationship or 'child-father' relationship with either of them, and that I don't see them as my parents.
This probably upset them to a certain extent, but it's the truth. I don't feel any sort of 'unbreakable bond' with anyone in my family, and I have no idea why.
So how do I view the people in my family? Well I view my parents as people who are experienced in life, who love and know me and who want the best for me. But, I treat them the same way I treat most people I meet in life. They don't really stand out in my life as people who are the cornerstone of my beliefs or as people who are involved in every aspect of my life or anything like that.
I wouldn't say that they are 'replaceable' or anything like that, but the way I talk with them, reason with them and relate to them is the same way I relate to my friends and other older people in my life.
They have caused me as much pain in my life as my friends have, they have brought me as much security in my life as my friends have and they have given me as much love as my friends have.
And while this is clearly working because I feel I have a good relationship with my parents, I don't know if it's right.
I look around at my friends, and many other people I encounter, and they have all have a really special relationship with their parents. They have a special way of relating to them, a special level of respect, a special love and the whole idea really is foreign to me.
When I spoke about it to Cate and my mom, Cate said she thought it was probably because we are all introverts [Which we are, to different degrees], and that changes the dynamic because only 25% of people are introverts. Then to have a family of introverts is an even more unique situation, so our relationships with each other are very different.
I don't know if this is the reason, but it sounds feasible.
Perhaps the reason I don't like the idea of a family is because I hate anything that requires blind trust, or blind love. And the family ideal requires people to not only blindly love each other but also to blindly trust each other, and I strongly disagree with both these 'takes' on love and loyalty.
So, I don't believe in family because I don't believe that people should be bound to one another without a choice. Marriage is very different because there is a choice involved at the beginning, but I didn't choose my parents, in the same way I didn't choose where I was born so why should I be required to fulfill any requirement if I haven't made a choice?
But we are born into families, and we are born into a country, so what should the family dynamic be?
Well, I can only speak from my perspective but I would say that family shouldn't require anything from anyone, but should be generous and should love. That's it. Any relationship that grows from that is a bonus. And I believe that's what I have with my family.
I won't lie, it's fucking difficult with Cate at times because I have been hurt badly by the him to her transition, but it is what it is. And I can't really complain about that. And I love my mom, and I love my brother, and they love me so what more can I ask for?
Such is life...
Actually that's not entirely true. I think a more accurate statement would be that I have never experienced, nor do I desire, the traditional ideal of a family. Because I have never experienced this ideal, not only do I not believe it exists, I don't want to create anything like it in my life.
I was talking to my parents the other day and I said that I don't feel as if I've ever had any specifically 'child-mother' relationship or 'child-father' relationship with either of them, and that I don't see them as my parents.
This probably upset them to a certain extent, but it's the truth. I don't feel any sort of 'unbreakable bond' with anyone in my family, and I have no idea why.
So how do I view the people in my family? Well I view my parents as people who are experienced in life, who love and know me and who want the best for me. But, I treat them the same way I treat most people I meet in life. They don't really stand out in my life as people who are the cornerstone of my beliefs or as people who are involved in every aspect of my life or anything like that.
I wouldn't say that they are 'replaceable' or anything like that, but the way I talk with them, reason with them and relate to them is the same way I relate to my friends and other older people in my life.
They have caused me as much pain in my life as my friends have, they have brought me as much security in my life as my friends have and they have given me as much love as my friends have.
And while this is clearly working because I feel I have a good relationship with my parents, I don't know if it's right.
I look around at my friends, and many other people I encounter, and they have all have a really special relationship with their parents. They have a special way of relating to them, a special level of respect, a special love and the whole idea really is foreign to me.
When I spoke about it to Cate and my mom, Cate said she thought it was probably because we are all introverts [Which we are, to different degrees], and that changes the dynamic because only 25% of people are introverts. Then to have a family of introverts is an even more unique situation, so our relationships with each other are very different.
I don't know if this is the reason, but it sounds feasible.
Perhaps the reason I don't like the idea of a family is because I hate anything that requires blind trust, or blind love. And the family ideal requires people to not only blindly love each other but also to blindly trust each other, and I strongly disagree with both these 'takes' on love and loyalty.
So, I don't believe in family because I don't believe that people should be bound to one another without a choice. Marriage is very different because there is a choice involved at the beginning, but I didn't choose my parents, in the same way I didn't choose where I was born so why should I be required to fulfill any requirement if I haven't made a choice?
But we are born into families, and we are born into a country, so what should the family dynamic be?
Well, I can only speak from my perspective but I would say that family shouldn't require anything from anyone, but should be generous and should love. That's it. Any relationship that grows from that is a bonus. And I believe that's what I have with my family.
I won't lie, it's fucking difficult with Cate at times because I have been hurt badly by the him to her transition, but it is what it is. And I can't really complain about that. And I love my mom, and I love my brother, and they love me so what more can I ask for?
Such is life...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
