I despise myself for the promises I have made. My relief is never present and it's promises are an act of betrayal away. My integrity is worth more than the life it protects and less than the reward it reaps. I don't even know if I want the reward today.
If I could leave my loyalty at the door, and walk through hell I would. I am no longer alone but the call of the white light is far more appealing than ever before, and the tunnel grows shorter by the day.
Am I walking towards the light, or is the door behind me just closing? Will it ever open again, or will the light in front of me provide the freedom from expectation I crave? This middle ground has become a compromise between hope and commitment and neither is worth the work.
Contrast is a funny thing. Life has taken a turn for the better but it has also made the depths of my mind deeper and darker than I have ever experienced. It wasn't worth it before and the situation has maintained equilibrium.
Take hold of my hand, for you are no longer alone. Walk with me in Hell.
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