Values

Yesterday evening I was having a chat with my friend the MS [Matt Slade] on MXit and we got onto the topic of values, which got me thinking. What are the things that I would and would not give up for a girlfriend.

In case you don't know I don't have a girlfriend, and have in fact never had one. Truth be told I've gotten close but things just didn't work out, which I'm not unhappy about. Sure at the time it was heartbreaking but in hindsight I'm quite relieved. Anyway, back to the topic at hand.

So part of the reason I've never had a relationship is because I haven't been able to determine quite a few key variables. One of my biggest 'things' in life is making sure you have reasonable expectations so that you don't end up getting disappointed. You need to assess what you want out of life, and one of those variables is what is a reasonable expectation from the relationship, with relation to how the relationship will operate.

Part of any successful relationship, or friendship, is sacrifice. For example, I have a friend named Gareth and he doesn't like Pink Floyd [crazy I know...] but I love them, so I don't listen to Pink Floyd in the car when we're driving somewhere. That's a sacrifice I chose to make for my friend. And while in this case it doesn't cost me much, in a relationship there are many more things that you need to sacrifice, from both sides of the fence, and they usually cost a lot more...

So if I were to enter a relationship with reasonable expectations, what would I be willing to sacrifice, and what would I refuse to sacrifice? I came up with a small list of things I'd refuse to sacrifice, and pretty much everything else is up in the air. So here they are:

Things I wouldn't sacrifice for any girlfriend:

> My relationship with God / YHVH
> Music
> Most of my family
> My friends
> Not having children [I really don't like kids]

That's it. The things above are what make me who I am, and if I were to have to give these things up I wouldn't be myself. It's not worth it. Sure, I'm happy to make concessions, for example if my girlfriend doesn't like operatic music, I wouldn't listen to it when she's around, but that doesn't mean I'm going to give my Mozart CDs away.

Sure there are other things I like doing, that I'd sacrifice. Like the economy. I love looking at the latest financial data, and discussion my predictions in relation to the global economy but if she hates it I'd stop talking to her about it, or almost anything else for that matter, and I'd have things I don't like about her that she'd have to sacrifice but the things above are 'deal breakers' for me.

At the end of the day, every relationship is a negotiation, and you have to have reasonable expectations and go in knowing what you can't give away. If I were to give up the above things, I'd be lying to myself, and that's not worth it...

So are you sacrificing enough for your loved ones? Or are you making unreasonable demands? Remember, if one of the parties is being treated unfairly, he or she will end up with feelings of resentment, and that's where the friendship turns into an acquaintanceship.

Richard